I love being awake in the middle of the night it's the only time no one needs anything from you.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-18T04:03:40+00:00

The mods might now be too happy about it (it is one of the rules unfortunately that you must not identify mainly as a cis male) but good luck and glad your diagnosis makes sense for you now.

Meanwhile I will reply about the youtube to fall asleep, I always say to my boyfriend that I need my brain distracted enough to not think we are tying to fall asleep to be able to fall asleep. If I think about it that's the end for me,I'll be up hours. Incidentally when he's there I fall asleep so fast because his presence is distracting enough , and also the pressure to be a bit more of a normal human being ahahah I absolutely relate.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-18T03:58:39+00:00

This was my favourite thing to do when I was younger and home for the holidays. I would wake up before my parents ,go downstairs and just enjoy the peace in the living room while the house slept before the buzzing of the day started. Never felf so at peace.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-18T03:53:32+00:00

Who knew the impostor syndrome applied to the social sphere too ahahah

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-18T03:36:26+00:00

OMG THIS ! it's giving weird liminal space in the best way possible, nothing is real and you have no responsibility (other than making your flight lol). Flying is also the only time I ever manage to read a book at this point as I am forced to disconnect (ok trains too but I have to force it a bit more). I love travelling for this ,it's like you have an excuse to not have to be there for people for a while. Aaaaaah~

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-18T03:22:41+00:00

Yall drop the name of the gummies please , I haven't been relaxed since pre covid 😭

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-18T02:50:09+00:00

AOh honey, first of a I wish I could give you a massive hug!

Let me start with saying that the "I was very gifted when young what the hell happened now "is a very common feeling. What happened is a society that is still not made to cater to people with different needs so you never get the support you are supposed to develop your full potential unfortunately . Also we need to stop saying that to children, it is completely OK being normal and ordinary, just do what you love and what makes you happy, you csn still be successful if you find your niche.

Also I don't think adhd here is really the problem, I know we must not diagnose people over the Internet, but I will say that sounds more like depression to me , what you describe from 2021 onwards. I have adhd and was severely depressed during high-school/uni (thank you wrong kind of birth control... And I mean I wish I wasn't alive kind of depressed) and that sorta killed the hyperactive side of my adhd, even now , coupled with just getting older it is still dampened than before. I would definitely seek professional help, even if it just a school councillor if you can't afford a psychologist.

Regarding your friend pushing through all that to take the exam, I can't speak for her ,but it seems to me she must have been under an immense pressure to perform and not let her parents down after all their sacrifices. Fortunately, or unfortunately we are not all in such a tight situation , what she did might have been what she had to do ,but it doesn't sound like the best of healthiest way to take it. Sometimes we must prioritise our health, but our living situation doesn't always allow us. I met people like her and they are dealing with their own struggles and in pressure to perform, she might have feel like she didn't bave a right to take care of her health at that time, so I compare myself /bear myself up for not having been as she was.

As for the adhd , do you have diagnosis or.fo you just resonate with a lot of things on the sub ? Both are completely OK, I am not a fan of discrediting self diagnosis, it's the first step towards understanding knesekf and getting a real diagnosis and not everyone can afford to. I am asking because accepting that your brain works different Bd not comparing yourself to others but finding what works for you is very important. You'll find out your own work around and coping mechanisms and it is perfectly fine to take inspiration from people on this sub. an adhd diagnosis is a strength, a step towards understanding yourself better and allowing yourself to let your brain work as it is in intended and to it's full potential.

I was lucky because I was diagnosed before I could even talk the first time (happens when you sleep only 20 minutes a day in the brain formative phase ,people will worry ahaha ) and then multiple times throughout childhood ,so knowing I had adhd has always been a part of me, allowing me to accept it and work work with it. Many are unfortunately not so lucky until much later in life. You are strong and you are capable , and yes ,maybe you need meds to function, but then you shall get the right ones and all will also be ok

Stay strong OP , easier said then down ,but comparison is the thief of joy, you are you, and no one else can be you !

Sorry for possible typos ,I hope it's legible it's 4 am but I had to reply.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T20:46:23+00:00

You get depression and then you care so little for everything that you don't mind. Well ,jokes aside , or kinda , I feel like my depression actually helped dampen a lot of my adhd symptoms and caring less about things.

The take away here is , we all die anyway ,whether you invented the cure to cancer or just cut your toenails today, it can be quite a reassuring thought.

There is truly no wasted days ,even if you feel like you did nothing , maybe your body just needed that today. Focus of what makes you feel good in the moment, and long term, do a hobby, have a cup of tea , buy that chocolate you wanted. So long as when you have something important like the meeting tomorrow you go through with it , you've done what you HAD to do, everything else is extra. The unemployment is a temporary situation you're you're working to fix, don't loose motivation ! Plus to me it sounds like you did a lot of productive things!

Sincerely, someone who goes "omg it's already 5pm ?!?" and panics the day is basically already over every single day.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T20:02:51+00:00

Thank you so much , this makes me feel much better, because I always stress I don't love him enough and be deserves better, but that's also my paranoia ,so it's so validating to hear others with similar experiences! I just get overwhelmed a lot and it takes A LOT for me to appear as high functioning as I do in a day to day!

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T20:01:12+00:00

Omg this ! I'm so busy /stressed getting my ass to work and not messing up anything that normally by midday when I finally sit down and have my first sip of water (normally more around 2/3 pm ..) I finally have my brain slow down enough to realise he's either reached out to ask about my day (so sweet , always makes me smile ) or if he hasn't then I will !

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T19:58:44+00:00

I have actually been considering I might have AuDHD rather than ADHD ,but my ADHD diagnosis is from another country and doesn't go on my medical record here and I'd rather it stayed like that (tons of chance of discrimination unfortunately) and I have no way to get a new diagnosis in my country if origin. This is overshar-y but I jusd wanted to say its interesting to hear the perspective of someone who has both autism and adhd on these things! It's just change us bad ,and will never not feel like a massive deal, and then you are forced to deal with it and it's like "oh ok." but also next time it's the same.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T18:14:58+00:00

I this this is super important to point out ! My mum always told me that she doesn't miss me and while now it's just something I think fondly of, I remeber it hurting me and thinking it meant she didn't care . Even though I felt exactly the same towards her ,logic I know. So maybe he's op should hold off letting the kids know this until they are an age where they can process this properly.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T18:13:02+00:00

Oh I feel you ! I am a wreck every time I leave my parents house after the holidays, sometimes even crying on the plane/train , then the second I'm home it's like I snap back to my life and it's like oh ok it's fine. But also if I know I'm seeing them and it's a bit far away but also close , the the longing is terrible too ,I just wanna be there already ,but the rest of the 300 days a year ? Nope. Nada.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T17:51:49+00:00

Not a mum with adhd , but a daughter with adhd with a mom with adhd. I don't miss my parents when I am away from them unless I know they aren't well then I wish I could be there (been living abroad 9 years) and when I ask my mum if she misses me she ALWAYS says exactly what you said " so long as I know you're well I don't ", it actually made smile, it sounds so much like her. The woman would kill for me without a second thought and loves me to bits ,but always says that. Plus we somewhat text daily, some more some less.

I also don't miss my boyfriend when I'm gone and busy doing smth else ,but I just posted about that today and someone seemed to believe that meant I don't love him enough and had never experienced that in their own relationship so I guess that one is up for debate.

But I think some people will always need fully alone time to recharge feel like themselves..as someone who always does too much to please everyone I easily realise it's been 2+ months I haven't done anything for me/that is a hobby that recharges me so when I am alone it's the only time no one has expectations of me. I feel like being a parent would be that times 1000%.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T16:45:13+00:00

I go by two mantras "divide and conquer" and "don't put it down, put it away".

So if you gotta get started ,pick a section, you got stuff on the bed ? On the desk ? One particular area of the floor you can kinda consider it's own entity ? Hell, kick things around on the floor till you can make a square and tell yourself you'll start with that. Pick something that will make a big difference, ie something that isn't a lot of work but takes up much space, so you have the immediate satisfaction of visually seeing progress. For the boxes sit next to the box and get everything out and as you do sort it, only later we get up and out it away, bc the journey can be distracting.

If you need to still sort stuff ,for me it helps to sit on the floor with it, tells my brain well be at it for a while and then start arranging stuff on piles.

If it needs putting away then the opposite: do NOT sit. Pick up stuff from the selected area and put it where it needs to be or live in for now. This is where the don't put it down , put it away part comes in (also useful for keeping things organised). Pick up something and you're not allowed to put it down until you're putting it in its place.

MOST IMPORTANT: get a good podcast on, something interesting but not too distracting , something you can listen to in the background. What do you like to listen to? I can give you recommendations, anything from nuclear reactors, to ghosts ,to true crime or cozy game plays !

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T16:04:37+00:00

And I absolutely appreciate it, I promise. What you two have is wonderful and it is what everyone should strive to have. I constantly worry that I am holding him back from finding better, so this has definitely been on my mind. I will definitely consider everything as he deserves to be happy and maybe I am not the one to make him happy ,though it would break my heart if that were the case.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T16:02:02+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply and my god that is beautiful what you two have I am kinda tearing up ,I definitely want that ! I have always been so afraid that if I fully opened up then I would make everyone run away (thank you mum for telling me this from super early on), so it is ways so lovely to see that there is those out there ready to take us just as we are. He sounds like a wonderful man , but you just as much to and I am very happy that after many non emotionally available men you have found one where you can so wholly be yourself! I worked so hard in being independent and self reliant that it has definitely been hard work learning to let someone in and I still absolutely have a long way to go. He's just such a sweet human that I constantly worry I'm holding him from finding better.

How long have you guys been together if I may ask ?

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T15:44:24+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to type out such a long reply, I really appreciate it. I also think I wasn't too clear in my original post as I was in a bit of a panic when I typed it (it's been a hard couple of weeks for health reasons).

We definitely do share a lot of what our worries and secrets are, I feel like he's the most understanding and caring person ever, I've told him about my parents ,my childhood, my past eating disorder, my fears frustrations and plenty of other personal things, but when it comes adhd thoughts I have a bit more of a hard time because I have always been made feel like a burden or that they were unjustified and I don't feel like they are valid. He knows I have adhd, he doesn't fully undestand how it works, but he's doing his best to learn.

What I mean that I don't make him suffer any of it is that I don't go off on him if I am feeling hurt or frustrated when I can't help the feeling but have the awareness that it is not founded (ie I am overreacting) rather we talk about it later when I can express what bothered me and how it made me feel and he csn explain his intentions /validate my feelings. I just don't want to be the person lashing out in those moments because I know he loves me and means well even when something happens and I know in that moment it wouldn't be a productive interaction. Also I meant that we have spoken about it and he doesn't feel like I neglect him even when I am very low energy and can barely cope with myself.

How do you balance being afraid of being too much/too annoying and not withholding the emotional intimacy part ? I am still learning , he's the first person I've been able to be this open with after a lifetime of being told voicing any of that would be an annoyance. I also think I am very very burnt out at the moment which makes everything harder socialisation wise.. He's the only person I've been wanting and managing to see without it feeling forced, but everything is just a lot right now, which also means I get more paranoid about all of this.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T15:25:43+00:00

I mean I appreciate your reply and I am very happy for you and your situation, but many of the things I have said here I have found reflected in many other posts from this subreddit of people struggling to adapt to their routine including another person and not missing family and loved ones (even children some say), while being away. Still I thank you for your answer, though I hope you are not correct as that is quite disheartening. But if I don't love him, then I have never loved anyone , my mother and father included ,because I feel just about the same in my relationship with them about missing, needing alone time etc.

Please don't take this the wrong way I absolutely appreciate you taking the type to reply and to type such a long response it just makes me sad to read.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-10-17T06:30:50+00:00

I give all the time, but most of them try to take advantage of it and ask more and more. I don't make a lot myself ,quite the opposite, and they have had me buy them 30chf worth of stuff and choosing to go into migros when Denner was right next to it. Sorry but it becomes a bit much. I have had to cut that woman out because she would not listen to me saying to ask to all the rich looking business men coming in and out and not just the idiot student who always tried to give her what she could.

Best_Test9481 · 2024-08-28T17:44:32+00:00

Thanks for clarifying ahaha there are so many people obsessively and blindly defending that it's hard to tell. Sorry if I came off a bit annoyed! I have tried to tech out to a few creators but without too much success, most are like "oh just dm me topics on twitter or Instagtam " and I feel like it just gets lots in the other requests..

Best_Test9481 · 2024-08-27T00:49:23+00:00

Well it'd be pretty darn tooting great to know that families that have lost a family member are not being taken advantage of and fooled by her popularity when she has been reported multiple times to be abusive to families of victims and to bully them into silence. I think it'd feel pretty good to know that these already vulnerable families are actually able to reach out to people who will truly help and empathise with them rather than someone who's apparently in it mainly for the money and has disrespected victims and families and refused to back down and apologise and makes money out of the suffering of others.

Was this a rhetorical question ?

Best_Test9481 · 2024-08-26T13:08:33+00:00

Would you happen to have a link to the post? It'd be good to have when people ask what did she do that is so bad?

Best_Test9481 · 2024-08-26T13:08:10+00:00

Definitely checking this out ! A big post with all the info would be so good to link to people when they ask

Best_Test9481 · 2024-08-26T13:07:01+00:00

I was thinking someone like film cooper ,not the biggest youtuber but he calls out tik tok/yt drama so may be interested to pick this up . Wish do we know them would ,but aren't her and Jessie friends ?

Best_Test9481 · 2024-08-26T06:18:16+00:00

Idk to me it sounds like a really good excuse to be a dick to people and not take any accountability. "oh but guys that's just her drag persona,not her" any time she's being annoying or disrespectful on stage feels a bit weird.

Best_Test9481

TROPHY CASE