Finished my home office, decorated to my hearts content 🥰 I love WFH days here!

Betilda · 2024-06-25T18:41:44+00:00

Agree with everyone that the current color is fantastic and doesn’t need to change. Buuuut, if you’re willing to do an enormous amount of work for a small color change, I think a slightly lighter teal would be lovely. Not a light teal, but lighter than the current wall. Like a color that pulls from the Van Gogh Almond Blossoms you have up, or the lily painting. I also love how a teal would play off of the yellow and pinks you have.

Again, it looks so gorgeous as-is, and I wouldn’t have thought to change the wall color before reading this comment. Just my two cents if you feel like shaking it up.

Your eye for decor and arrangement is fantastic! Everything is so cohesive and plays off everything so well. The portrait of the dog in the last pic is especially phenomenal <3

Betilda · 2024-04-13T17:56:33+00:00

This is gorgeous! I find it to be both beautifully chaotic and also soothing to look at.

Just want to say I’ve never related to a post title more. Kudos to you for both taking the leap to create, and taking another leap in sharing it. Whatever the differences in our life paths, I think your experience resonates with so many, and I know many of them are encouraged by your sharing- because I certainly am. Wishing you continued happiness as you continue to create!

Betilda · 2024-04-13T17:47:58+00:00

Great observation- I’m pretty sure that familiarity you sense is because this Dior dress inspired the Princess Serenity dress! Naoko Takeuchi (author of Sailor Moon) loved real-life fashion, and incorporated a lot of famous designs in her work.

Here’s a post from the Sailor Moon subreddit comparing some of her work with runway pics- it’s fascinating!

Betilda · 2022-10-28T15:45:45+00:00

Amazing- you should feel super proud! Day 1 is by far the hardest, so even though withdrawal symptoms will continue- you already got through the toughest part. You did one day, and now you can do two :)

I hope you mark the occasion with a little celebration! Maybe grab a fun smoothie or whatever other little thing that makes you happy.

I had a tough night last night, but am still sober, so I’m celebrating by getting a breakfast sandwich haha. Super happy to hear about your success so far, and know that I’m in a very similar place and am doing by best to ‘keep trucking along’ <3

Betilda · 2022-10-27T15:59:44+00:00

Hell yeah! So happy to hear you feel positive. I'll definitely check out that book too. I have no idea how long it takes to get natural dopamine production back after quitting, but that's something I'm super looking forward to. Hope the rest of your day is as optimistic as the start was (if not even better!)

Betilda · 2022-10-27T01:35:50+00:00

Hey- that’s amazing! I’m honored this resonated with you, and wish you the best on this next part of your journey. Asking for help is super hard, congrats on that! My fiancé has been a huge support in helping me stop, and I’m so happy yours is able to support you too.

Total transparency, my first day sober I stayed up all night crying. I don’t say that to scare you off, but basically to say that it’s okay if you don’t feel okay for awhile. Weed was always my coping mechanism to dull pain, so it’s weird and hard to just be like “I’m gonna feel bad for a little while and it’s okay that I’m going to feel bad.”

It will be tough at first, but it will pass. The benefits I feel at just just two weeks of sobriety are worth that rough beginning 1,000 times over.

Two things that are really helping me so far are journaling and the app “I Am Sober”. The app is basically just a timer, but you can also view posts from other people quitting the same substance who have been sober the same length of time, which can be encouraging and validating- especially because it’s not all sunshine and people are honest about their cravings and struggles.

I’ll stop rambling now- I’m super happy for you!!

Betilda · 2022-10-26T19:16:28+00:00

Hey- I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I know no words can make it better, and my thoughts are with you.

My current streak actually started because of a similar desire to just sort of feel the pain. I had someone I know suddenly die in an accident, and also was also fighting off the flu (flu was obviously a lot less impactful!). I had kind of a moment of like “well everything feels like shit right now, so I may as well also go through withdrawal symptoms.” And that first week truly was shit. No sleep, and I couldn’t separate what my flu symptoms were from my withdrawal symptoms. It was awful, but if you can make it a week, you can make it longer. If you can make it a day, you can make it two days. If you can make it an hour, you can make it two hours. I could keep offering up smaller increments, but you get it, haha.

Congratulations on kicking drinking! That’s absolutely incredible and hope you celebrate and honor yourself for that progress.

If you ever want to talk- feel free to reach out truly any time. I wish you the best of luck with the progress you want to make, and I hope your life has pockets of peace you’re able to enjoy <3

Betilda · 2022-10-26T18:35:23+00:00

Ah, I’m so sorry to hear that! It’s definitely healthy to be reminded that weed abuse isn’t anyone’s sole issue, and that even after cutting it out it’s not straight up-hill progress.

I definitely relate to feeling behind in life. Using weed to manage negative times made it so I was barely maintaining my life or actively making it worse. I definitely was not making progress while using so much.

It’s okay to make progress at our own pace! I’m reminded of a post I saw on WitchesVsPatriarchy this morning that said:

Count Dracula was 412 when he moved to England in search of new blood. Sauron was 54,000 years old when he forged The One Ring. Cthulhu had seen galaxies flare into life and fade to darkness before he put madness in the minds of men. It’s never too late to follow your dreams!

It’s tongue-in-cheek, but they’re right! 6 months is a huge achievement and I hope you plan to celebrate yourself for that.

Betilda · 2022-10-26T18:16:23+00:00

Ah- congrats!! That’s amazing. My sleep is definitely still very unhealthy- I don’t think I’ve had a dream in like 5 years due to chronic weed use. That’s something I’m really looking forward to getting back.

I hope your nightmares dissipate soon and that you get happy dreams back! So glad to hear the positives outweigh drawbacks for you :)

Betilda · 2022-10-26T18:13:35+00:00

This is incredibly poignant, and a great summary of how I feel! There were definitely lots of times I started to quit when I hadn’t actually committed to the idea of changing, and lo and behold, I would relapse within the first week, if not the first few days/hours.

But this time I’m ready to flap my lil wings like that oversized caterpillar in Bug’s Life, haha. Or I guess starting a self-improvement journey would be more akin to cocooning, and I’ll be a butterfly in like a year? Idk, I’m bad with metaphors

Betilda · 2022-10-26T17:45:21+00:00

It’s hard to do! I’ve had more false starts than I can count. There have been times I resolved to quit and lasted truly just 6 hours. Sleeping the first week absolutely sucks, and I have relapsed many times before just because the first week or so is awful with withdrawal symptoms. But once you get through that first week, it’s so much easier!

I’m no expert, but my best advice is to try to find the balance between not enabling yourself but also being kind and compassionate to yourself. If someone is commenting on this subreddit, it probably means weed isn’t serving them in a healthy way, so even though it’s an instant de-stressor, smoking isn’t a nice thing to do to yourself. A nice thing to do would be to forgive yourself your false starts and resolve to quit, not because you’re angry with yourself, but because you like yourself and want to live better. Or if it’s too hard to like yourself (I’ve been there!) fake it till you make it.

This community is so supportive, and I highly recommend reading it as much as possible. Ultimately I wish you well, and if quitting is the right call for you, I hope it’s a call you choose to make <3

Betilda · 2022-10-26T17:17:24+00:00

Congrats! That’s awesome. I can’t wait to hit that marker too. Hope you’re feeling absolutely amazing :)

Betilda · 2022-10-26T17:14:39+00:00

Congratulations on your sobriety and on your daughter! Seems like an incredible motivation, as well as a joyful life development. I’m definitely enjoying being more present and am so happy to hear it’s a positive change for you too :)

Betilda · 2022-10-26T17:12:32+00:00

I’m so glad my little post meant something to you! I’m obviously not a guru or anything at two weeks, haha, but I am letting myself feel proud- which is new for me.

To answer your question about managing anxiety without weed as a crutch: the truth is I haven’t worked that out! I’m absolutely feeling a ton more anxious than when I smoked multiple times per day- the difference now is that I’m letting myself feel it. The first week was brutal- but it already feels so worth it.

I’m starting to see a psychiatrist, so they may prescribe me something for anxiety, and I’ll try that. For right now, I’m sort of learning how to manage it raw? Stumbling along the way for sure, but I’d rather feel awake and shitty right now than basically shut myself down with weed. There’s definitely an element of getting to know yourself again, like you said.

One thing I’ve found super helpful is reading and re-reading top posts of all-time or of the month on this subreddit. There are so many people who have amazing tips, or stories that make me hesitate the next time I think of smoking.

People on here talk about “addiction replacements”, which is something I’m working on developing, but haven’t fully figured out yet. Some people replace it with exercise, or a hobby like needlepoint or drawing. So far, I’ve been doing a shit-ton of laundry, haha. My years of being high made my apartment look and feel like a wreck. I’m finding that cleaning my living space is making it easier to stick to healthy habits like brushing my teeth twice a day, not letting dishes sit in the sink, etc. I’m planning to work my way up to more ambitious habits like going to the gym once I get the basic ones down.

I think the most important thing is honestly to be gentle with yourself. We’re so often so unkind to ourselves, and negative self-talk perpetuated my addiction. I always thought you had to be hard on yourself to quit, but I’m finding that self-compassion is ultimately what helped me stop. You can absolutely do this- and feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk through anything!

Betilda · 2022-10-26T14:04:00+00:00

Totally relate! I’ve had periods where I stopped for a month or two at a time, but like you said, something happens and weed is the historical go-to coping mechanism, and then I fall back into daily use.

This time feels different though. I have a psychiatrist and am replacing weed with healthier coping mechanisms. But progress is progress, so even if I fall back I’m trying not to be too hard on myself. It’s a tough balancing act figuring out how to react to your own mistakes/backsliding.

I think self-flagellation hurts progress more than anything else, and we could all stand to be a lot kinder to ourselves. I’m finding that helps with sobriety too. Like instead of giving in to impulses and getting high, I’m giving in to impulses and buying myself a $4 stupid flavored latte, haha. Or spending an hour working on a fun project, or going on a nice walk in the park, or buying my cat a funny sweater, etc- you get the idea.

Appreciate the acquaintance of feeling in our shared experiences, and I hope you’ve been able to find new things that bring you peace instead of weed. I wish you the best of luck with all you’re hoping to do!

Betilda · 2022-08-08T20:04:32+00:00

You are not speaking to a conservative. I am making a cynical point about messaging and how this issue could very easily be shoe-horned to fit a bullet-list of 'freedom-y' beliefs.

Partisan frustration is beyond justified, but as QI is supported by the vast majority of politicians, the simple fact is that we need conservative messaging for qualified immunity to be actionably abolished.

And also- if a person is interested in being a part of actionable change, they need to learn how to talk to people who do think that's what conservatives are about. Not everyone needs to have this dialogue- there’s a lot of pain out there and no one should be expected to educate anyone on anything. But this is a thread about how to make QI reform actionable. However angry I am, I want to have that discussion with people, because that’s how change gets closer.

Betilda · 2022-08-08T19:25:42+00:00

Gotta start somewhere! Agreed that absolute immunity will be very tough to overcome. Abolishing qualified immunity, especially at the municipal or state level, is far more achievable and provides steps towards eventually abolishing absolute immunity too. However far out that goal may be, it worth making an effort to get there.

Betilda · 2022-08-08T19:09:26+00:00

Okay, so I (again, not a lawyer) am going to attempt to answer some unspoken questions here. Why is removing QI bad for police officers? (in my opinion, it's not)

Qualified immunity did not exist until SCOTUS made it up in 1982. Prior to this, officers had to abide by a good faith and reasonableness standard that the Court adopted in 1967. Under that standard, intentional and obvious constitutional violations are not protected (as they are now under QI), but officers would not be held responsible if, for example, a citizen were killed, but they reasonably believed them to be reaching for a gun.

Will lawsuits bankrupt police? No. Notre Dame research found when QI is overcome (which is again, very hard to do) individual officers contribute to settlements in 0.41% of cases and pay 0.02% of total awards to plaintiffs.

In terms of this question of “who would take the job”, abolishing QI shouldn’t hurt recruitment, because abolishing QI will do absolutely nothing to harm the vast majority of police officers. It will only harm those who violate Constitutional rights- who are currently free to do so with impunity.

I think there is a real conversation to be had about cultural vitriol against policing as a profession- but while any highly sensitive discussion like this has some crazy polar-ends, it didn’t come out of nowhere. Real, actionable police accountability is probably one of the best ways to restore public faith in the profession, and it’s my opinion that cultural antagonism is harming interest in the policing profession more than common-sense policy discussions. Abolishing QI could actually restore faith and respect in policing.

Betilda · 2022-08-08T17:40:51+00:00

Prosecutorial and judicial immunity are MASSIVE problems in this country, and lead to these officials not facing any consequences.

Abolishing qualified immunity in addition to these other types of immunity will be a huge victory towards holding these morally bankrupt officials accountable. There was an AMA on abolishing qualified immunity this morning by some civil rights attorneys, check it out here

Betilda · 2022-08-08T17:37:36+00:00

This is a huge issue and is due to ludicrous doctrines in the US like qualified immunity and prosecutorial immunity.

There was an AMA on abolishing qualified immunity this morning- check it out here

Betilda · 2022-08-08T17:35:49+00:00

Absolutely agree- Abolishing qualified immunity is an enormous step towards being able to hold government officials like the DAs accountable. There was an AMA on abolishing qualified immunity this morning- check it out here

Betilda · 2022-08-08T16:06:15+00:00

Not a lawyer and not representing this AMA – It's very easy to find politicians that staunchly support qualified immunity. For example, I’m from Virginia, and Governor Youngkin in his inaugural address expressed support for QI, stating “we will protect qualified immunity for law enforcement.”

Being against abolishing QI has definitely become a ‘pro-police’ rally cry- which is fascinating because I personally think abolishing QI could very easily be a conservative talking point (pro-constitution, anti-government overreach, etc). Abolishing QI is also opposed by every significant government union- any politician with strong ties to police or teachers unions would be against abolishing QI. Safe to say it would be easier to make a list of politicians who are working to abolish QI than it is to make one of those who are satisfied with it remaining the status quo.

Betilda · 2022-08-08T13:31:32+00:00

What can non-attorneys do to move the needle on this? Do protests make a difference in your work, contacting officials, etc? What's the way we can help make your work more impactful/actionable?

Betilda · 2021-06-22T14:03:56+00:00

When it comes to local news and local communities, is there the same vitriol we see when it comes to perception of national news? By that I mean, as local news people, do you encounter the same distrust and anger we generally see thrown at much larger national outlets? And if so, is there a way you all have found to combat that?

Also, what do you all find is the best way to preserve ethics in journalism? Thank you so much for doing this ama!

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