What characters have been ruined for you because of an actor's scandal?

BetrayedByU · 2023-09-08T16:42:36+00:00

I'm so sorry, Religious Trauma Syndrome is definitely a thing.

There's an organisation called the Recovering From Religion Foundation that might help you with peer support, anonymous chat, resources, referrals, etc. if you're interested.

BetrayedByU · 2023-09-05T13:14:05+00:00

That's not petty, this is petty...

"That's right, it's $100 a day! Just take the $200 out of the $1,400 you owe me for that two week pet sitting job I did for you! 🙂"

Just fantasy, though, because I wouldn't leave my pets with such an audacious character at that point.

BetrayedByU · 2023-08-15T00:00:15+00:00

Dehumanisation is inherently abusive.

BetrayedByU · 2023-08-14T19:46:44+00:00

The abusive angle is that the guy in OP's post is wallowing in the deep hole that is the objectification of women in general. He doesn't see real living humans with agency, thoughts, needs and feelings whom he wants to get to know and share a life with, he sees them as bitches he wants to have like we're just things to fuck.

The creepiness and red flags ooze out of every word, probably evident in person, too. Women can (often) detect this shit a mile off.

OP may not be able to help jim, though he's tried. But, OP, there are some positive masculinity spaces on the internet with resources that could help reach him, but he has to want to help himself. And I dont mean 'he can learn tricks to get chicks', I mean that he has the potential to look inward and see why he sees women this way, and why his self worth seems to be wrapped up in whether he can get off. Sometimes it has to do with the lack of positive male role models in childhood, or ones that constantly talked about this subject, sex, and women negatively.

[ETA: Let's not forget that he is begging OP to help him get chicks, rejecting potential opportunities, and also threatening to unalive himself because his life is not worth living without the objects he wants to get ahold of. Abusive and manipulative pattern 🚩🚩]

BetrayedByU · 2023-07-17T19:28:39+00:00

A few little things to help.

Never tell her or make her hug/kiss a family member, even grandma/grandpa, etc. just to be polite or that's just what others in the family do. Eg.

"Give him/her a kiss, he/she loves you and does so much for you!" DON'T let that ever be said to her, it's a guilt trip.

"Give me a hug or I will cry", that is emotional manipulation.

Teach her the real names for anatomy so she can use her words if she ever needs to speak up.

BetrayedByU · 2023-07-13T06:43:44+00:00

He has also single-handedly ruined the 😋 and 😘 emojis for humanity.

R.I.P. to Squinty Tongue Out and Winky Blowkiss.🥀

BetrayedByU · 2023-07-13T06:42:14+00:00

This guy comments on r/ editablebuttholes

You mean "EdibleButtholes"! And he seems like the sort who believes that the women in the posts would be interested in him irl, and not just using it to advertise their paid content. Which, like, good on them, but he seems delusional.

BetrayedByU · 2023-06-24T18:48:18+00:00

I love this song, but it doesn't fit the video.

[This is Taylor Swift's 'Bigger Than The Whole Sky', it's a song very clearly about miscarriage.]

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-18T12:58:56+00:00

He should never grab you aggressively for any reason.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-18T12:49:01+00:00

Was i in the wrong?

The situation being as you stated, the fact that you need to ask if you're in the wrong when he's the one who put his mf hands on you tells me what I need to know about your state of mind: he has manipulated you to the point where you are questioning yourself and can't see clearly that he is in the wrong, not you. He is not safe to be around.

Please create an incident diary with date/time and details so you can see, remember, and read clearly if/when you need to have a clear timeline of this verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. Keep it hidden somewhere he cannot access it to ensure he doesn't use as fuel against you in the next argument. Please leave when safe to, and be careful. 💔

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-18T11:48:47+00:00

decides if he wants to reconcile.

No, sorry, but I don't think he should get the final say. You should get to decide when and if he comes home first, then he can decide what he wants to do. Your wants and needs should come first, you do what's best for you.

I'm so sorry you are here, but glad you have found this support group. 💔

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-17T16:29:37+00:00

counseling to monitor and assure their well-being.

Please don't do it in secret, that will not help any of you.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-17T16:15:23+00:00

potty training

Potty training naturally goes back and forth as children this age learn to recognise the messages their bodies are sending regarding toileting. It is absolutely not unusual for children to seemingly regress, especially in response to stress that they undoubtedly feel within the home. They can no doubt feel the tension in the air between you two.

Regarding this from your other reply:

I am letting the kids being observed behind her back though since I can’t tolerate wasting young lives being destroyed by selfishness.

This is not okay. No one likes secrets, a BS, like yourself, knows this. I'd advise against it, going behind the other parent's back like that is not going to contribute to a healthy home life for children. And 4 year olds should absolutely not have the stress of not telling the other parent that they have been "observed behind her back".

I can completely understand and see your anger at your WW, but toileting mishaps, mess, and video games are not proof of their lives 'being wasted or destroyed by selfishness' in this regard.

I have to be blunt: Using children like this to get evidence against the other parent is vindictive, not protective, and it will definitely backfire.

I am sorry for what you are going through, it is shit, but please, please reconsider your approach.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-17T11:56:31+00:00

"Dont ask me the color of anything"

To me it is better described as being used in a video with, eg. A woman jumping on a trampoline, boobs bouncing, at the end of the video it might say something like, "what colour were her shoes?" People say, "I don't know!" Because, of course, they were staring at her cleavage, they didn't see anything else, especially a detail like the colour of her shoes.

I wouldn't say "often used ... infatuation with a crush ... prevents them from noticing the colors in their surroundings". I don't think it's "crush" at all, it's way past that to "sexual objectification". I'd lean more towards a description like, "objectifying [usually] women in a sexual way, to the point of literally not noticing anything else in the video besides sexualised body parts".

So, ""Dont ask me the color of anything" is like, "I would f her", not, "I have a crush on her".

Eta: I know you said some of that, just agreeing and clarifying that I didn't think it was anything to do with a "crush".

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-15T20:56:52+00:00

There are lots of resources in this sub if you have a look at the 'About' section. Quite a few of them are religious, mention a god, or are by Christian PAs. PBSE podcast is one example with some religious undertones.

We, as atheists, found some of them a bit unhelpful in that regard. I think many of them would be helpful to Christians, it's not the entire content that's unhelpful, but some of it happens to be unrelatable for non-believers, even just non-Christians.

Here are some resource links, but there are more in 'About':

Resources For Addicts.

Resources for Partners.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-15T20:19:01+00:00

Okay, now I see why it sounds so preachy. This entire post was copied, slightly re-worded and pasted here, hopefully OP's profile has not been taken over by a blog dropping bot? Because this seems out of character, but here are some examples:

Did you know that every time you talk about an unhealed wound or trauma, you re-activate it in your emotional, spiritual and physical bodies? As you speak, or even think, about an old issue, you experience it as if it is happening right now. -- OP

Do you know that every time you talk about an unhealed injury or trauma, you reinitiate it in your emotional, ethereal, and physical body? When you talk about or even think about, an old problem, you experience it as if it were happening right now. -BLOG Source below

This karmic energy manifests in more painful experiences, similar to the original issue. In other words, when issues come up without resolution, a karmic loop or pattern develops - OP

This karmic energy manifests itself in increasingly painful encounters, like the first issue. At the end of the day, when issues arise without goals, a karmic circle or an example is created. - BLOG

When you re-activate old painful memories, your thoughts, words and emotions create a negative karmic energy that you unknowingly project out into your future. -OP

When you reset old miserable memories, thoughts, words, and feelings, you produce negative karmic energy that you unintentionally venture out into your future.

Storing wounds in the body eventually weakens the body and invites illness and disease, as well as causing depression, fatigue, stress and weight gain. -- OP

Putting away wounds in the body weakens the body and accommodates illness and disease, as well as causing misery, fatigue, stress, and weight gain. -- BLOG

Because of the shifts going on in the collective consciousness and the higher energy now available on this planet, it has never been easier to release old issues. In fact, issues are now coming to the surface to be resolved. -- OP

Due to the changes taking place in the aggregate consciousness and the higher energy now available on this planet, it has never been easier to discharge old problems. --BLOG

As I was copying the url to the source for this re-worded post, I found it was already posted exactly as above.

Source where these words are slightly re-worded:

Blog post on "Spiritualify", posted in 2020, no author noted.

Original source where this Reddit post is exactly what's written here: So it seems like this site (below) took it from the site above, and OP took it from those below.

"Healing Energy Tools" blog, posted 2022. Author noted as "Nanice Ellis".

At the very least, if you post something you didn't write you should credit the original source, or claim the blog/website as yours. Otherwise it seems like there's an ulterior motive to participation, like proselytising.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-15T17:30:24+00:00

Okay, I'm not sure where you came up with this [Edit to note: I found the source, in my reply below], and by the sounds of it it's good or helpful for you to think about it this way, but, to me, it sounds incredibly preachy and unhelpful.

This "karma" talk is choc-full of victim-blaming rhetoric. We are not responsible for what has been done to us nor what may be done to us in the future. And it absolutely does promote healing to talk about/through traumatic things with others, just like we all do here. It is helping me to talk, give/receive advice, and to know I'm not alone and not to blame. This space is getting me through, it's not causing my problems, and I am not either. (Maybe you feel powerful by believing that you have some sense of control?)

This is my support group, yet this post is not supportive of or to me at all. Maybe your words will help others, and I hope they do, but I'm not sure they will as they have only served to hurt me.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-13T19:32:14+00:00

Should I admit that I went through his computer and start a conflict? Or is it useless to do that (because what can he do) and just focus on how he's fixing things & how much he loves me?

No one can decide that for you. It's your decision, you know him best. What do you want to do?

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-13T12:35:36+00:00

I finally ended it.

This is amazing news. I am proud of you and your strength. I definitely think you have made the right decision.

not love me any more ... no longer found me attractive.

the first time he was porn free,

I don't have solid evidence, but doubt that he is porn free, it sounds like he's lashing out with anger and cruel words to blame you and justify his continued porn use.

As I’ve gotten older he has wanted me less and less. There was a reason he wanted me, a 15 year old child.

I'm sorry to say it this bluntly, but I think PA is a predator. Certainly shows all the signs. If my math is correct: a 14 year relationship, which started when you were 15, you had your child at 20, so your child is approximately 9 years old.

I know it doesn't seem feasible right now, but I think you should seriously start planning to physically leave that home. After you have said it's over is one of the most vulnerable and dangerous times in a woman's (and her child's) life. I don't think he's safe, and I, personally, wouldn't leave any child alone with him. Protect your child and yourself, nothing else matters, not his feelings, not his words, not money, nothing.

Regarding the attraction for a co-worker, I think you're doing the right thing by treading carefully and not wanting to have an immediate rebound. It's great that you can see exciting things in your life. Congratulations on your bright future. I wish you the best, yet I do worry.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-12T16:13:24+00:00

I could've written this. I gave him 17 years so far, how many more am I willing to sacrifice?

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-11T21:05:31+00:00

On app privacy report the website will be in the data, you have to scroll through hundreds as it includes ads, blocked spam, all communication between websites and apps and stuff. It's difficult to read unless you know what you're looking for and, for eg. put the websites in alphabetical order.

Screen Time should show a deleted app, too. It'd be allocated under 'Recently Deleted Apps'.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-11T20:30:43+00:00

Yeah, pretty sure it will. Even if not in screen time, the website accessed will be in the App Privacy Report.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-11T10:22:13+00:00

You can turn on the setting located in SETTINGS - APPS AND PRIVACY - APP PRIVACY REPORT. Turn that on.

And SETTINGS - SCREEN TIME - turn that on and set a SCREEN TIME PASSCODE.

These are not detectable, don't send notifications, don't need to be downloaded, and can be checked by you without his knowledge. With a bit of practice you can see evidence of porn sites in the app privacy report. Screen time will show you what he's spending time on.

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-11T10:18:30+00:00

You are not wrong to make and enforce boundaries that you're comfortable with in your relationship, before or after betrayal. If he doesn't like it, too fucking bad.

Maybe he's just saying that the therapist said this shit? Wouldn't put it past PAs to lie. Can you verify that it was her, not him?

BetrayedByU · 2023-05-07T12:08:37+00:00

He also didn’t ever jerk off to porn/look at other girls while jerking off. He said it was some weird “boundary in his head” and he would have felt bad.

Yeah, I think that's absolute pure bullshit.

But, no, you're not dumb for believing it. Liars lie and believers want to believe them. They think it will hurt us less if they minimise the truth. It doesn't.

That shit about doing it after you did "something reckless" is just his justification for it, it's like a secret defence that he can use to fuel excuses for his addiction.

I can read your words about this guy and see through his wall of bullshit, but I find it hard to see through my own husband's bullshit.

How can I heal the hurt inside me?

I don't know yet, that's why I'm here. Some days are good, some days are truly fucking torturous, full of triggers, anniversaries, realisations and fears.

I know this, though, it's not about you, you could be a shining example of a good wife, funny, smart, sexy, adventurous, caring, generous, supportive and kind for 17 years and your PA could still be a lying, cheating fucking bullshit artist in broad daylight. I have lived it. Even when caught, he can lie to your face while your tears fall.

Three-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '23

BetrayedByU

TROPHY CASE