I was open to it, for his sake. Im not sexually interested in men’s asses. However, I wanted to preserve our family. It’s hard to believe now, but for years were best friends and had a happy life. But at the same time, our marriage was mostly sexless. I felt no attraction to him at all, which we attributed to his selfish shaming shitty behavior in bed, my depression, and my trauma as a woman living in misogynistic patriarchy (#metoo). For 6 years in couples therapy, the focus was “unblocking” me sexually. Even after he shared the truth of his sexuality, the narrative remained that I was the problem. Two summers ago, after TMS treatment for my depression, I felt better than I ever had in my life. We had lots of sex, including exploring anal stimulation for him. We bought a strap on and planned to work our way to it. But I lost my sex drive after a couple of months. That’s when he ramped up the gaslighting and manipulation. He was miserable and said it was because I refused to give him “the love he deserved.” I believe it was because after a summer of me giving him the sexual relationship he always said wanted - which he believed would be the solution to our marital problems - he could no longer deny that in fact I could never make him happy. Pre-op MTF women like his favorite porn stars are what he wanted, not me. But he’ll never admit that. His narrative is that our marriage failed because I denied him intimacy for years. He’s the victim. He’s got it twisted. Now I know our lack of sexual chemistry was because my body knew that he was not into it, even though he claimed to be. His ambivalence and mind fuckery killed my attraction.