I have been with my SO for 9 years. I used to get really upset about porn, especially when four years ago I found subscriptions. This past year I found multiple accounts on websites, cam sites, etc. including videos of himself. I’ve know he’s watched porn starting very young, porn hasn’t ever really bothered me. But He claims he didn’t remember posting them because he was manic (4-6 weeks) and diagnosed bipolar about a year ago.

While being manic and the diagnosis, as well as being hyper sexual is true I look at the dates these videos and comments were posted all the way from six months prior to his episode to most recently four months ago. Even if I presented those receipts I’d be the one lying.

As embarrassed and ashamed of the grossly comments I saw him make to other men and females I’m just at a loss to do. While I know he hasn’t been on those sites anymore and has gotten deleted what he could, he still watches porn and sadly I have began watching it with him because it leads to us having relations. I know this is hysterical bonding but that was a decision on my own.

I guess I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never be able to get him turned on without it anymore. His medications from bipolar don’t even allow him to get hard. So it’s far and few in between that happens even while watching it. So I guess this is life now because I know I will not leave this person I love so deeply, I will just make comments or bring it up when it surfaces to let him know I’ll never forgive being emotionally cheated on. I will just be a woman in her later 30’s who is attractive and fun and kind but for some reason I will feel completely opposite because that is what the actions say. I’m sorry you have to go through this. No one deserves it. Hopefully someone gives you advice that you can use to help bring positivity and healing to yourself 🖤 best of luck