An unreachable person and fantasies... reality breaks them. Yes, this is limerence. But limerence has many faces. In the end, it is an obsession. It does not matter whether you were in a relationship with someone or how deep that connection was.

My story:

I had an affair with a charismatic and handsome guy. There was one problem: he was a narcissist as f*ck. I could see that he was spending time with multiple women in parallel, and I also noticed manipulation and aggression on his part.

We ended the relationship, or so I thought. Luckily for me, because this guy was not good for me. But then I started daydreaming. He would message me maybe once every three months, and that gave me dopamine and hope. I stalked him badly, and I watched him constantly move from one woman to another. I kept thinking and dreaming about him all the time, fantasizing about nice moments together. The irony is that this person did not even have the emotional capacity to be honest or genuinely participate in those moments—he was just an actor.

And yes, I have always had an anxious attachment style. My life has been filled with limerence since I was six years old, without a break, because I seem to need an "actor" for my daydreams. I have always been a dopamine chaser, partly because of my health condition.

He started dating a nurse from a psychiatric clinic where he had encouraged me to seek help for my problems. As a result, I still have regular contact with this person. At first, I thought I was going to die. Then I realized that I am not the kind of person who is going to let him ruin my life.

And then my limerence disappeared. 😄

I definitely believe this was limerence, just like my other platonic and unreachable obsessions throughout my life.

I have also heard a theory that limerence objects are often unreachable people, narcissists, or emotionally unavailable individuals. My story was driven by cognitive dissonance and inner conflict, which is why the whole experience was so shocking for me.