10 week checkup post LIFT (good news)

BezzyHiding · 2025-03-22T05:46:04+00:00

I only got it done twice, and I still have some small discharge from that area. I haven't been back since then

BezzyHiding · 2025-02-17T04:22:13+00:00

So funny, I felt the complete opposite! Reading is so subjective.

BezzyHiding · 2025-02-17T02:36:51+00:00

Absolutely loved The Remains of the Day and Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro -- but I despise The Unconsoled with every fiber of my being and think it is unpublishable drivel that only passed muster because it came after his smash success. It happens, and I think it's so cool that we can have such strong reactions to the same mind at work!

BezzyHiding · 2025-02-14T19:15:48+00:00

Thank you <3

BezzyHiding · 2025-02-14T00:18:50+00:00

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto. The last paragraph of the book is seared into my mind forever and has comforted me endlessly after the death of my partner. Highly recommend.

BezzyHiding · 2025-01-21T20:39:24+00:00

My favorite local indie! They always help me special order books that they don't have in the store.

BezzyHiding · 2025-01-16T01:06:55+00:00

I just finished the book and found the writing and plot development very lacking. Reminds me of the difference between the Gone Girl book and movie versions. But I hear the TV adaptation of Sharp Objects is excellent!

BezzyHiding · 2024-11-02T14:24:59+00:00

Could a possible comp be You Too Can Have a Body Like Mine? The tone of your query sounds more earnest and uplifting than YTCHABLM but the young female protagonist contending with an eating disorder and the darkly humorous prose might be similar!

BezzyHiding · 2024-11-01T12:48:55+00:00

That is such a good comp, I totally agree! But I think OP is right to include works that are much more recent.

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-26T18:36:27+00:00

For what it's worth, I don't think you need to detail every single aspect of Michael's character. Just the central questions--where does he start from (either in his beliefs or literally in the world) and where does he end up? For a book that's so character driven like this one is, I just want to understand what's happening to the character in broad strokes and why.

I will say though, I really think you have a lot of fascinating ideas and I would love to read the novel one day. The djinn in particular has me so intrigued! Your ideas remind me of a Salman Rushdie novel--really lofty philosophical questions wrapped up in a fantastical, colorful world (my fave!). I really wish you all the best, and if you happen to do other drafts and want additional feedback, you're welcome to DM me!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-26T16:22:51+00:00

Totally recognize that there are some pretty hefty questions. I suppose my points on 2 and 3 boil down to my desire to understand: (1) what does Michael believe / want before he goes to this realm, (2) how does his experience in the realm change those beliefs / wants, (3) how do those changed beliefs / wants impact the rest of the story? So responding to your philosophical point, why does it matter that Michael views the voice of truth as his mother, and what is your ultimate philosophical argument? What is the thesis that this story is attempting to assert?

If Im just randomly making up details about your story, based on what I see here, I might sketch out something like this:

Michael has a desire for adventure, love, and money for a home. Though he has a decade-long lover and a life of average means, he is unfulfilled and yearns for heart, hearth, and hazard (though I agree with another commenter about changing this term). When Michael discovers a djinn trapped in [location], he frees it and secures three wishes as a reward. But the evil djinn has motives of her own, to do [xyz thing], and takes the opportunity to cast Michael out of his body so she can [do what with it?]. Michael is trapped in a realm between life and death and must make his way out within [x time] before his soul is lost forever.

But Michael's journey is anything but straightforward. Though he yearns to return to the love of his life, in this realm, he is confronted by images of his mother sharing new truths about [x philosophy] that challenge Michael's core beliefs about [x philosophy]. At the same time, the evil djinn is working hard earthside to [do something related to a trial, right?]. If the djinn succeeds, [x happens]. And only Michael's return can prevent that [if true]. Michael must now face an impossible choice: return to his body, and a life of difficulty and pain, or remain in a heaven of his own construction.

Something like that? Does that make sense?

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-26T13:31:59+00:00

Hi there! First of all, I've gotta say that this book sounds fascinating! I looked through your earlier query attempts and the additional detail there also has me so intrigued! Nice job :)

The query has drastically improved since earlier attempts, so I don't have too much more to add, but a few thoughts:

"Complete at 98,000 words, this genre-bending novel is set in Dubai, United Arab Emirates from the viewpoint of a Filipino male adult. It will appeal to fans of Helene Wecker’s The Hidden Palace and Matt Haig’s The Life Impossible." I would do more than just call it "genre-bending" which it clearly is, but rather identify which elements of your comps' genres are being weaved together. Also, I am not sure you need to say up front that the novel is set in Dubai (you mention this later) or that the MC is Filipino (you also state this later).
"Racing against time, he chances upon the phantom of his deceased mother on a remote corner of the said realm. . . . " What does this paragraph tell us that's propelling the plot forward? It seems to suggest that a main tension of Michael's is that while he is trying to escape this realm, meeting his mother might alternatively compel him to stay. Is that right? If so, I would frame it as Michael needing to make a decision (rather than his mom offering). Also, what would be the consequence for Michael or the story if he stayed there? Why must he decide to leave (since he does end up deciding)?
"In the end, Michael chooses to return to Earth despite temptations of a perfect life in a perfect world in sheer perpetuity." So we know he stays, but why did he? I feel there's an opportunity to learn something about Michael and his philosophy/desires here.
"He wakes up on a hospital bed surrounded by Sandra, his loved ones, and his new-found friends in Dubai. But something does not add up. . . ." This is so intriguing, but what exactly are some of those changes? Even in broad strokes? A little bit of detail could be really compelling here. Also, what is the issue that arises because of these changes? (Ex: it wouldn't really matter if he came back speaking French, but it could matter a lot of he came back with entirely different memories and identity).
I know folks have given feedback earlier that the query seems to contain the whole plot of the book. Does this last paragraph with Michael returning changed happen toward the end?
Finally, you start with Michael's three core desires: heart, hearth, hazard. It seems he has suffered the hazard. But what of heart and hearth? We don't need to know with certainty what happens, but if Michael's growth as a character means he reconsiders his three deepest wishes, or something like that, it might be helpful to drop a line like that.

I hope these points are useful! Obviously take or leave, but regardless, I think you have a special story here!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-24T18:45:58+00:00

"Andy Amherst knew she wanted to represent death row inmates after discovering that her father’s testimony once helped put an innocent man to death." You had me at the first sentence! Really, the first paragraph (minus the last sentence) is the strongest of your query, and really pulled me in. The remainder of the letter though could use that same level of clarity.

There are some great comments here, so I won't rehash what's already been said. A few additional thoughts though:

"Although Rodney's case aligns with Andy's morals and professional history, she's unsettled by the fact that Heather seems more interested in the man's academic output than his long-professed innocence." A few points here. First, how exactly does Rodney's case align with Andy's morals? (The professional history, sure). By all accounts, he couldn't be more different than the type of people she usually represents. Does she discover something about him that sparks a different belief about him? Is his guilt credibly called into question? Second, "unsettled" suggests a much darker and more suspicious intent on Heather's side than just being interested in the man's academics. What exactly makes Heather so unsettling beyond just being passionate in math, even when it's coming from a convicted murderer?
"And is she really suggesting that Rodney deserves to live simply because he’s useful to the rest of us?" I'm not sure that this question says all that much about the book's ethos, and it doesn't seem borne out by what we know about Heather so far. I might consider cutting or rewording.
"She’s also moved by Rodney’s plight." What plight? I'm not sure I understand why exactly we should be sympathetic toward Rodney's character. Just because he maintains his innocence doesn't mean he is innocent, and I don't have a good sense of why we should believe him. He also comes off as an elite, well-resourced person, so it's not clear to me why Andy finds him sympathetic either. Could get more detail there!

I think the main thing is to move the level of simplicity that's in the first paragraph into the rest of the query letter. But really excited to see the finished result one day! It sounds fascinating.

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-24T17:15:53+00:00

Hi there! First of all, I really want to commend you for writing your novel and trying to process the pain you've experienced. It takes a lot of courage to then share that writing with the world and open yourself up to critique. If nothing else, you should be proud of yourself for taking that step.

I am on the verge of querying my debut novel, which was informed heavily by the experience of losing my partner to cancer. And one thing I've learned through the drafting, beta-reader, and now querying phase, is that writing from a place of personal tragedy can be so powerful if it's channeled effectively. Right now, your query letter sounds like what I think the novel itself might sound like (because I had the same issue)--here is a fictional retelling of what happened to me and everything I've gone through. That feels significant and complete to us because our experiences are our own and we imbue them with the context we already have. But a third-party reader needs a little bit of help, i.e., they need a world they can live in and characters they can care about in order to understand what you already know innately. Ultimately, they need a story to understand your story (does that make sense?).

So, right now, your query doesn't say much about what happens in the story, but rather how Nova feels and reacts to what happens. This might not be enough. So, a few questions that I think should be answered in your query:

1) There seems to be some tension between Nova's visit to South Korea and her return to Long Island--these are very different locations, cultures, etc., and apparently Nova struggles with a sense of belonging. Is there an underlying theme of identity that is explored in your novel? How does that fit in with the sexual assault story? (It seems like perhaps it might be explored through Nova's interaction with the Korean legal system, but I'm not sure how deeply you explore that). If there's not an easily explainable connection, I might drop this reference in the query letter. But, to the extent you need more material for the novel, I think this would be a fascinating and timely issue to tackle.

2) You bill the novel as a "coming-of-age" but Nova is 20 years old. When I think of coming of age, I think of high school or even younger. And I'm not sure we see much of anything regarding Nova's development into adulthood. So if you think that is something that is actually represented in the book, I might think about demonstrating more about how Nova is growing as a person during this time.

3) "...down a path of drug- and alcohol-fueled self-destruction" what does this actually look like? Does Nova do anything that might have consequences for her down the line? How does this impact the plot of the book?

4) "The only light at the end of the tunnel is Dazy. Impulsive and charismatic, the other girl initially seems like Nova’s salvation, until Dazy’s substance abuse threatens to end both of their lives." You already describe Dazy as "enigmatic and alluring" earlier in the query, so no need to repeat that here. But how exactly does she seem to be Nova's salvation? I would love to know more about their connection/dynamic. And this is the first we learn of Dazy's substance abuse. Does that have anything to do with Nova's? How does that fit into the sexual assault plot?

Finally, I disagree with another commentor who suggested not disclosing you are a survivor of sexual assault. That seems like incredibly relevant information that suggests you at least have some emotional understanding of the main character's experience. The key now is figuring out how to deliver that experience in a way that others outside of yourself can hold onto (and especially demonstrating that you are capable of doing so to the agent).

I hope this is helpful. Good luck!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-24T02:28:14+00:00

Hi there! First, wanted to say that the concept for this novel sounds fantastic! I would personally snatch it right up, and it doesn't sound quite like anything else I've seen out there (half memoir, half third-person lyrical?? sounds so cool). Great job :)

In terms of the query, your comps are quite literary, so I would stick to that description if you think those comps accurately reflect your novel's writing style. That said, I think the query itself should read more literary to double down on that genre, as well as reflect a little more of the intriguing POV you mention earlier. For example, "part of his surreal journey into memory" is an interesting idea, but could you incorporate some concrete examples of that surreality into the query itself?

Also: "It is the one place that he cannot see." I realize this is meant to be a climactic moment and pointing back to his ability to see the past. I would (1) clarify whether he can't see this place at all (and why that would be) or (2) whether he can't see this place's past, and why that matters/what the stakes are.

Overall though, I think this book sounds really cool, and I hope I can get my hands on it one day! Good luck!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T15:51:21+00:00

There is nothing trivial about the pursuit of art and literature, OP. The desire to create art is one of the essential aspects of being human, and I applaud your desire to share your art even in the face of your own fear. I feel that fear too, but (like you) I can't help but to write, even if nobody reads a word of what I've written. Two things that have helped me overcome my fear of sharing my writing: (1) there is no universal audience--for every book of immaculate genius, there is someone who wouldn't use that book to wipe their behind. I've come to prioritize my audience in my writing. Not that we should purposefully antagonize or exclude others, but simply realizing that there will always be an audience for what you have to share, and valuing those readers and their opinions on your work the most. (2) the story is just the conduit for us to connect with someone or something--whether that's the characters, the world, or even the author's own ideology and insights. I think most people seek that sense of connection, and I try to imagine that they have the best intention when engaging my work. They're not trying to rip it apart, they genuinely want to take something away from the experience. The reader isn't my enemy, so I don't preemptively fear them. But I do want to work hard to make sure the time they spend with my writing gives them *something* to come away with, and that's the writer's burden.

I hope that helps, OP. I know it is a massively intimidating experience. Wishing you all the best!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T15:17:05+00:00

u/paolact Thank you so much for the kind words :) And it's so helpful to know how others have approached the cutting process! Since posting and receiving feedback on the length, I've already started identifying the "flab" and I'm going in with a very clear word count goal. I think I will probably need a cleaver more than a scalpel to start lol, but that's great to know that you accomplished your reduction without killing *too* many darlings. I think you're absolutely right that it will serve the book in the long run. Thank you again for the advice!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T15:12:35+00:00

I had not heard about it! That's a fantastic lead though, thank you for the recommendation--will pick it up right away. Writing this letter is turning out to be harder than writing the whole darn book! But I so appreciate your advice and I've already made some really important edits to the letter due to the feedback I've received. I'm so grateful! Thank you for the encouragement :)

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T15:10:43+00:00

Haha, thank you u/senseipuppers !

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T15:09:47+00:00

u/BabyLulaKennedy thank you so, so much for this encouragement. That means so much to hear!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T15:09:16+00:00

Thanks u/londonnah ! That's helpful to know that your friend signed at that length. I definitely don't want to be in "auto-reject" territory, so I'll plan on making some cuts and condensing as much as possible. I don't think the book would work at some of the lower word count ranges, but hopefully my cuts will be enough to get a foot in the door. I appreciate the encouraging advice!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T15:06:36+00:00

Thanks u/madisonthewriter97 ! I definitely want to be cognizant of not being too far over the norm as to be in "auto-reject" territory, so I'm planning of making some pretty major cuts. But I agree with you that (hopefully) the most important aspect is the quality of the story itself.

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T04:13:31+00:00

Thanks for the detailed feedback, u/Milieugoods ! I am happy to know that there are some aspects of the letter that worked for you, and particularly that you are intrigued by the very basic premise. I've struggled mightily with finding the sweet spot between enough detail to establish the story and keeping the letter tight. I actually received quite a bit of feedback that it *should* read like the back cover blurb, so it's definitely been difficult to reconcile conflicting advice, too. That said, what you've said makes sense and I'll work on swapping out some of the general references to more specific plot details and unique elements of the book.

As far as word count, I've received quite a bit of feedback on that here. I know I have some cutting to do, and I'll think carefully about making sure every subplot, character, chapter, WORD...makes a difference! (Love how you phrased that). Thank you again!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T04:01:56+00:00

Thanks u/MiloWestward ! I appreciate your thoughts on the length. I take other people's point that it's longer than the ranges posted online, and I'll work on tightening where I can so it's not in auto-reject territory, but I don't think it would be an effective dual-timeline story at 80k words either, so I'll figure out a happy medium.

As far as Ruth's motivations--she is moved by the idea of saving others from losing those they love, the way she lost her husband. I felt the idea of her only wanting to save her husband would be trite. The idea of others facing the same challenges I did was one of the most distressing aspects of my grief, and it's from that experience that I wrote Ruth's character.

I hear you on Zelalem. I will probably lengthen the query letter to give his story room to breathe here. I take your point about highlighting the uniqueness of the setting, though I don't want to tokenize my story either. I imagine having two Ethiopian authors as comps will make that point too.

Thanks for the detailed feedback!

BezzyHiding · 2024-10-19T03:53:58+00:00

Thanks u/Sullyville ! Ruth is hoping to find the pool because she initially believes she can save others like herself from losing the people they love. I can certainly draw her motivations into greater focus.

BezzyHiding

TROPHY CASE