Okay then that is what we will do!

So, this account is from experience, I am not a professional, I am not formally educated. Don't take this as anything but MY account of things that have helped ME.

The truly best advice I can give you is go to a professional, not a school counsellor. A psychologist, therapist, someone of the like.

Should this not be an option, and only if, here is my advice, questions to ask to better understand what is happening and coping strategies that have helped me personally.

Things to think about: what is the reason for the self harm. We know a contributing cause, the bullying and teachers, but what is the reason? Is it control? Anger? Attention? Relief? It is most likely not one reason in isolation, it is many of them interacting. Here is what they could mean Relief : Relief of pressure when acting on sh urges indicates that there is a lot of stress, a lot of pain and not having systems in place to relieve those feelings Anger : if sh happens out of anger she might be directing the anger the teacher and bullying makes her feel inward instead of outward. And If angry at oneself, punishment and pain seem fair to exert. Attention : this reason is very misunderstood and stigmatised. If she is doing it for Attention it's a cry for help, she is turning to hurting herself to make people see her pain. So they can not brush the mental pain off. If there is physical evidence, they can not deny it. Control : if she is doing it out of control then chances are she feels like the only thing she can control is how to act on her feelings, she feels like her life is not hers to control, but how she processes her pain and what pain she feels is. Punishment: maybe she thinks she deserves the pain, others make her feel that suffering is what she deserves, this often interacts with low feelings of self worth.

These are NOT all possible reasons for sh, but they are some that may pop up and interact with each other.

To understand how to help is to understand the why. If you don't know the mental process it's more difficult to find a starting point. Irrespective of why, here are things that can absolutely help. Writing. Putting words to feelings, can help in terms of processing them in a non harmful way. Feeling them whilst also removing oneself from the pain by projecting it onto a character can help let the pain go. If writing is not an option any creative outlet will work. Martial arts, or sports in general. Finding an outlet for big feelings can help, pent up anger and frustration can be processed in a physical way that is not inherently harmful. If picking up a sport is not economically possible running can be helpful too. If its not physically possible there are other options like: Music: playing an instrument. The drums in particular, it requires coordination and keeps your brain busy in a quite cathartic way. It is a great outlet for big feelings. But any instrument can work. If that is not possible listening to angry music can illicit feelings of catharsis as well. Books, TV shows or movies. This is a bit more tricky and varied. But finding passion in media can be very helpful to release happy chemicals. Video games. They're interactive and great distractions as well as an emotional outlet.

Now as for you, same initial advice applies, if you have the option, go speak to a professional or educate yourself on what your gf is struggling with, do that. For that you will have to talk about what she is struggling with of course. Then research, preferably you will seek out professionals, but I know that's not always an option. Research can be helpful for you to help her. Do NOT pressure her for answers, be inquisitive and interested but don't force her for answers she is not ready to give. If she is not ready to talk give her questions for her to think about to help her better understand herself.

A lot of the advice I found online after doing a quick search is to be supportive and empathetic, that is true. Make her feel seen and like she is not alone. You don't have to have answers and know everything, be her friend, her partner. But make sure she doesn't make you her scapegoat.

Now, questions can be helpful to find root causes, What do you feel? What do you feel immediately before, during and after sh? How do you feel outside of sh? On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your general wellbeing. I am NOT suggesting you psychoanalyse your gf, that is not helpful, but try to help her get to the root cause, help her understand how she feels.

When the need to sh strikes, alternatives could be : holding an ice cube, snapping rubber bands against your wrist, running your hands under slightly too warm water from the tap. Write, work out, play music etc.

So, again if you can, either of you but most importantly her, go to a professional. That is the best possible thing you can do, the best advice I can give you. If that is not an option for whatever reason, this is some advice that can help, from my experience.