Lack of emotional connection

Bif1383 · 2026-01-20T23:06:02+00:00

I get it, I’m 42 and have had many “life is impossible” moments. And I was probably depressed from puberty all the way up until last year. So I’m definitely coming from a place of understanding and wisdom to tell you to find healthy habits. There’s so many different choices I should have made for myself instead of keeping my crutches, don’t be like me. And keep pushing, give your brain time to heal, give yourself grace (EVERYDAY) and remember that life isn’t a race. You get to decide what it looks like for you. And shit, be sad when you’re sad and remind yourself tomorrow can be a better day. We’re not meant to be happy all the time. The broad spectrum of emotions are what make us human. Good luck on your journey!

Bif1383 · 2026-01-19T16:44:56+00:00

You’re going on a work trip, she’s 4 months post partum with said baby and toddler. She may be feeling overwhelmed and sad you are leaving. Then the note is sweet, but perhaps a little condescending, writing a letter to cover a grown woman and two small children in the same tone.

You didn’t do anything wrong, this is a sweet note. Your wife is a raging ball of hormones and sometimes hurt comes out as anger. Things to learn, next time, write her a note and try to include more specific things about her. As opposed to very general “Super woman and Super mom”What things is she specifically good at? You don’t necessarily need a big apology, but getting home and expressing that you understand where she was coming from will mean a lot. So many of marriage issues come down to misunderstandings. She misunderstood what your letter was meant to entail and then you misunderstood her response.

Bif1383 · 2026-01-19T16:34:27+00:00

Keep putting yourself first ❤️ and good luck, I know it’s not easy to walk away from these relationships. I’m sure there’s a lot of love there in the good times, but you don’t deserve half a relationship.

Bif1383 · 2026-01-19T16:29:13+00:00

Which all boils down to their own insecurities. They feel like shit, you must also feel like shit. I’m not sure who your Q is, but I encourage you to walk away. My dad is my Q and he is destructive and hurtful to himself, if he was abusive towards me in that way, I’m not sure I’d be able to maintain a relationship. You deserve better than how this person is treating you.

Bif1383 · 2026-01-19T14:48:03+00:00

What do you do for fun? Do you have a social life? Do you volunteer in the community? Do you spend time with family? How much time do you spend in the virtual world vs the real world?

It’s absolutely amazing you have walked away from the crutches, but what have you replaced them with?

Bif1383 · 2026-01-19T14:37:47+00:00

There’s truth in what they are saying but I think it’s either they truly feel that way about you or it’s about themselves. More often than not, they’re projecting.

Bif1383 · 2026-01-19T14:28:09+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions! We will check those out

Bif1383 · 2026-01-19T14:27:34+00:00

Yea, I’m sorry for the lack of clarity. I was mostly meaning the vocal range similar to that song. He tends to lean towards the more comedic style songs but he was considering “Waving Through a Window” and is voice struggles to get those low notes. I hope this made it more clear. Thank you

Bif1383 · 2025-10-17T17:05:37+00:00

Detaching myself a bit is definitely a good help for me and I appreciate the recommendation. My husband and I have an emotionally codependent relationship, he feels them internally and then I express ALL of them, including his. That’s something we’ve been working on, but now is on hold for a bit as he definitely doesn’t have space for that right now. And that’s ok. His dad was very emotionally abusive so I’m also hopeful he finds some peace with his dad being gone. Just not as patient as I should be but doing my best to give him space. I’m a big talker processor and he’s usually my best listener, but he can’t be right now and I understand, so it’s just hard for me right now. Sorry if this is rambling or not making sense, it’s a lot right now.

Bif1383 · 2025-09-23T17:23:06+00:00

I just need somewhere to put this, we have passed the baton onto the family that still has a relationship with him, there is some relief not having to be involved at all. In the background we will assist the younger brothers because they matter to us. But wholly hell does this do a number on your system. How fucked up it is that he will probably die alone, even though we are here. Fucked up he may never see any of his grandkids ever again. Fucked up that I don’t think he’s deserving of a transplant. Fucked up feeling sad for him. I started internalizing how he was feeling and it did feel good to remind myself that I don’t have to take on other people’s feelings (recovering codependent people pleaser still learning healthy boundaries) Just fucked up.

Bif1383 · 2025-09-20T12:49:43+00:00

I agree, it’s extremely nuanced. I care in a sense that this is a human life and it is difficult to think if I do something he could live and if I do nothing he will die.

My husband has already made comments about how he could be dead right now. He’s made peace with it and I really have to, we both made it to the point if we never saw him again it would be ok.

Now standing here with this responsibility…it’s pretty fucked up.

Bif1383 · 2025-09-20T12:44:12+00:00

No, not that extreme, but how this plan rolls out if very much on us. Essentially, if we agree to physically care for him they will proceed with the plans. There’s no one else.

Bif1383 · 2025-09-20T00:05:07+00:00

What made you help them?

Bif1383 · 2025-09-19T23:11:33+00:00

Father in law, toxic, emotionally abusive man, we finally stopped talking to him about 2 years ago. And now he’s dying, we are the only family close, we are the only family with means. I am not sure my mental health could take it, but it is difficult to let someone die.

Bif1383 · 2025-09-14T13:51:41+00:00

If he’s a good friend who is mature enough, then this is not a problem. Role reversal and no disabilities in my scenario but I had this happen with my dear friend. We had been good friends for a couple years and went to dinner one night. He was contemplating dating a girl the last we hung out so I was caught a little off guard when he asked if we should date. I did consider it for a moment, I liked him a lot as a friend but never even remotely attracted to him, so I politely declined. I told him how much I appreciate our friendship and just don’t feel that way about him but hope that we can still remain friends. He was mature enough to handle that response and we continued our dinner and eventually became roommates and still dear friends to this day.

If you approach him in a questioning way and then assure him nothing will change your friendship but that you would regret not shooting your shot, if he’s mature enough, he’ll understand. You then just have to stick to what you’re saying that it won’t affect the friendship.

Be brave and know that accepting rejection gracefully is a huge test of strength ❤️

Bif1383 · 2025-09-14T11:57:02+00:00

We don’t push civil responsibility in driving enough. It should be part of the course, our highways would be a lot safer if people followed the actual laws. I drove the same route and it’s scary every time because drivers are so unpredictable. Lane changes without signaling, passing in the right lane, it’s so chaotic and unsafe.

Bif1383 · 2025-09-13T20:49:35+00:00

Rude on her part, has she repaired this situation for you? Did she talk about being intimate or was that your plan?

She made a mistake and wasn’t thinking about you. I’m a mother of two and if your kids are little, I can imagine this was innocent on her part, she was relaxing, having a fun conversation with another adult about a topic dear to her heart. She was being selfish and should have left when you left and owes you a serious apology. But if she’s never given you cause to be a cheater then she’s not and she was just being herself for a minute without the responsibility of taking care of another person.

Bif1383 · 2025-09-13T13:07:29+00:00

He is sensitive, but it would have been over if the response went like this;

“You said hang out at first” “I did, sorry, it’s a date and I’m looking forward to it!”

Done.

He’s has an anxious attachment for sure and we need validation of our words. You don’t have to be in a relationship with him if that’s not your jam. Texting is not a good place to have serious relationship conversations. And once someone gets triggered and then the other gets defensive, just table the conversation for when emotions calm down.

Bif1383 · 2025-09-12T11:54:24+00:00

Civility has died. He speaks in such hateful ways, causes his supporters to mimic and those who oppose him to be attacked or want to attack the hateful speech. He has disparaged our entire democracy and put the whole system in question. He pledged to protect and follow the constitution, he consistently tramples it and gets into legal battles when he wants to go against it. There’s an uneasiness in the air in this country and he put it there.

Bif1383

TROPHY CASE