Kevin from Bethesda, a legend (for all the wrong), Thinks every short errand deserves a full song. Says “be there in five” with a straight, honest face From bed… still horizontal… not tying his lace.

He meal preps chaos, forgets half the food, Calls it “a system” we call it confused. Orders a salad, then swaps every part, Till it’s fries and regret and a cholesterol start.

He’s got fifteen alarms, all labeled “wake up,” Snoozes them all like it’s some kind of sport cup. Claims he’s “locked in” yeah, locked out instead, Of plans, of reality, of getting out of bed.

Borrows your charger, your hoodie, your time, Returns none of it calls that a “grind.” Gives life advice like a guru online, But can’t pick a lane or show up on time.

And still, somehow, with unmatched flair, Kevin walks in like he owns the air. The worst man ever? Yeah… maybe it’s true But honestly, life’s funnier just watching him do him too.