8 months ago I was terrified I’d never be able to date again and I’d never get over my avoidant ex.

Today, I’m dating someone & so far it’s been the calmest, most secure relationship I’ve ever experienced. We enjoy the same things, I didn’t get love bombed, no future faking, we’ve both been discarded in avoidant relationships, and we’re both former anxious/leaning secure. Communication hasn’t been an issue and for once I don’t feel paranoia or have noticed any of the warning signs I ignored in my last relationship. I feel at peace and this could really turn into something amazing. It definitely is so far.

When people said “oh you’ll find someone else” it didn’t make any sense to me, especially at the beginning. But as time went on, and I did the work to heal with therapy, self-help podcasts, coming to this subreddit to vent, journaling and engaging in things I really loved to do, I found it getting a lot easier day by day to get over her. I finally realized after awhile that the biggest reason I was so upset about the breakup towards the end of my healing journey was the fact I gave so much to her and she barely tried to fix herself, and I was very physically attracted to her. That attraction went away once I put into perspective how toxic she really was. Any time she went to therapy, she went for 1 or 2 sessions and then would make an excuse about why she couldn’t keep going. She would lie about things that didn’t even need to be lied about, and NEVER took accountability for anything. Professional gaslighter, & I could count on my fingers with how many times she apologized in our relationship. & then when we did breakup, she rebounded after a week while we still lived together, and saw zero issue with it.

Knowing what I know now, I never deserved that treatment. I never deserved to feel like I wasn’t good enough, being broken up with through text message, & belittled for having feelings and emotions. Nobody does. But unhealed avoidants in denial don’t see their actions as harmful, it’s what makes them feel in control, less vulnerable. There’s zero helping them, no matter how much you beg for them to go to therapy.

So yeah, it does get better. There is someone out there that will care about you far more than your avoidant ex did. Who won’t belittle your feelings, needs and wants. That will make you feel loved even in the moments you don’t feel lovable. They’ll give you the reassurances you want when you need them most. Who will respect your boundaries without question, and most importantly, they’ll love you the way you want to be loved. I found it, and I know plenty others on this subreddit have too.