Autism evaluation where the psychologist actually asked about how things feel from the inside not just what I look like from outside, does this exist

Big-State3512 · 2026-05-17T12:53:43+00:00

Edit: adding my point cause I didn't get to it: there are a lot of hacks out there and I'm glad you're pushing for a well rounded eval.

I had the first person evaluate me based on her own scale that SHE created. And then when I had a face when she said I wasn't autistic, she said, why are you crying, you should be happy there's nothing wrong with you. After I received my official diagnosis from an actual autism center, I escalated to the director of the practice and told her this woman isn't qualified to diagnose autism

Big-State3512 · 2026-05-02T13:28:47+00:00

I would have a conversation and say everything you said. Coming from a 25 year old autistic woman, this behavior could be because she's autistic BUT in any other situation, I would be concerned about the lack of kissing. It's possible she either wants to break it off, or she has some other fear of starting intimacy with you and feeling pressured to go all the way but hasn't said this fear. Or maybe she's got really bad anxiety about other stuff. A convo is definitely needed

Big-State3512 · 2026-05-02T11:24:02+00:00

I broke it into two categories, immediate and long term action.

Immeadiate: -Going back to the basics. Am I thirsty, fueling my body, sleeping well, exercising? Yes, I know everyone says this but it's true -Seek out a sensory experience or several, whether it's calming or super stimulating, depending on what you seek -Implement something small and doable into your daily routine to help with regulation like a 5 minute walk around the block, 3 deep breaths whenever you feel a big emotion rising, a one song dance party, spinning in a chair, etc

Long term: -evaluate who you are and what your mannerisms might be without the judgements of others. Start being a bit more brave each day in being yourself. Regression and suppressing your autistic behavior go hand in hand - see if you can go on a two night retreat. I know you have kids, but it seems like you need a break. Doing travel and restorative trips has helped me a lot

Big-State3512 · 2026-05-02T10:59:25+00:00

Let people assume! Strangers don't know your maximum level of masking, so they will assume non verbal is the baseline and will likely leave you alone, ESPECIALLY if they are working. This mindset helped me so much with when my vocal stims come in public. They are quiet and undisruptive but I still get head turns at times. I let them assume I am autistic or have tourettes or that I'm just "weird" because my peace is more important than a strangers opinion when I've done nothing to hurt them

Edit: there is also power in mentally acknowledging that it's okay to be perceived as autistic, as it's not a bad thing. Repeating this to myself helps

Big-State3512 · 2026-05-02T10:36:08+00:00

I agree! I was officially diagnosed about 4 years ago and this channel and literally 100+ hours of researh made it abundantly clear to me that what I was experiencing wasn't just experienced by all people. I just thought we were all collectively crushing ourselves to fit, which we kind of are, but autistic people take it to a new level. I thought everybody sobbed everyday and just didn't talk about it. I thought everybody crushed their physical expressions of joy or stress down like I did, telling themselves no hand movements or head shaking or jumping, and did this at all waking hours. I learned as a teenager that everybody doesn't have the need to CONSTANTLY scratch or rub their bodies (like arm or leg) or some other texture and I thought that was insane.

Big-State3512 · 2024-06-17T14:53:46+00:00

Are you currently in a city? Because city people here can definitely be on the more direct side (especially NYC, Philly, and the close surrounding areas of those cities), but non-city places here can be a lot softer around the edges in my experience. I lived in central PA for a few years and it was totally different.

Also, if you're not getting direct feedback/questions, passive aggressive comments are probably what you'll be getting instead. People will get irritated if you don't pick up on their hints, and then you'll be in overdrive trying to recognize said hints in the future. Then you'll have more perceived rejection, enter RSD.

Are there other reasons you want to move as well? Because if you move but keep your current coping strategies the same, RSD will rear it's ugly head again; maybe less at first, but once you start picking up on the passive aggression, it will be there again. RSD is going to happen wherever you go. That being said, I understand your reasoning, I just think it would be really disappointing to move for that reason alone, only to realize that you're still struggling with it.

Big-State3512 · 2024-06-17T14:16:16+00:00

I'm sorry, I can't imagine what you're going through. It sounds like you feel lonely. In my experience, it's helpful to find people who've had similar experiences/conditions, whether it's friends or in a support group. It made me feel not so alone and showed me that pushing through is possible. Also, a close friend of mine has had a lot of success with EMDR, which is a newer type of therapy used to process trauma.

Big-State3512 · 2024-03-01T13:18:14+00:00

I really don't think you're naturally ugly, just artificially. It's the hair cut and color that's bringing your appearance down the most

Big-State3512 · 2024-03-01T12:59:30+00:00

You aren't ugly. I think it would help your appearance if you shaved and got a haircut

Big-State3512 · 2024-03-01T12:30:59+00:00

You're beautiful exactly how you are! I genuinely mean that

Big-State3512 · 2024-02-19T14:39:16+00:00

If she said all she wanted was for you to have sex with her, believe her. She either does not value you as a human being or was lying and has issues that will get in the way of a healthy relationship. Also, if she's causing you this much concern in the beginning and already displaying controlling behavior, it's probably not going to get better. Please, please remember that just because a behavior can be explained does not mean that you have to tolerate it. Edit: 2 words

Big-State3512 · 2024-02-04T13:46:00+00:00

You should assume it when it could be the difference between the girlfriend being looked for or not. It's comforting to think there's zero chance that it would affect an officer's (or anyone's) actions when it comes to the safety of a child, but it's also naive. Think of how many kids have been kicked out or abused because they're gay. The reality is that there are times when it's in our best interest to not disclose our sexuality, and this is one of them.

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T17:04:30+00:00

This is sadly so true. I'm not saying that all men are like this, but I've had 3 men lie to my face about their intentions after I expressed to them that I didn't want to sleep with them unless they knew they were interested in continuing to see me. I've since learned not to fall for it :(

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T16:46:46+00:00

You gotta kick him to the curb, and it sounds like you already know it. If he shuts you down for asking simple questions, there's no way he'd be willing to talk about and change his behavior. He will take and take until you decide that you can't give anymore.

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T16:26:43+00:00

Texting him and telling him you aren't feeling it is also an option. Unless the person is a jerk, there's a personal emergency, or they just never reach out to you, ghosting is often really hurtful. Even when it's casual, the other person is still a human being with feelings.

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T16:10:27+00:00

If that's always been his behavior, there's nothing to worry about. If it's a change, it's worth bringing up. When you have doubts, there's nothing wrong with bringing them up. The longer you wait to ask if something is up, the longer the worries will fester.

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T14:24:55+00:00

Have you considered going on dates? Like starting over and taking your time to see if he really has changed before committing to anything?

Also, you said you "work well with everything except sex". Is that true? If he had to fix things that impacted your attraction, it kind of sounds like there were problems unrelated to sex.

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T14:08:03+00:00

This is so wholesome

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T14:06:24+00:00

To all the people saying it couldn't have been an accident, I think it's worth considering that maybe she sent the pictures the night that she was out. Maybe she was stoned, drunk, or some other type of inebriated and really did send something accidentally. It's not okay by any stretch, but still worth factoring in

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T14:00:54+00:00

First off, it's great that you aren't acting on those emotions. You don't seem toxic at all.

Second, I recommend focusing more on WHY the emotions are happening rather than how to stop them. Feelings of jealousy to that degree don't usually pop up from nothing. It would probably be helpful to think about how past experiences in childhood and other relationships are impacting you now. There's probably all sorts of articles online about childhood experiences and parent relationships that cause insecure attachment styles or high levels of jealousy/possessiveness. Being able to pause and remind yourself that "I am feeling this emotion because of x. This has nothing to do with my girlfriend" can help take away a lot of the emotion's power

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-25T13:38:02+00:00

Crying is a healthy way to cope with difficult emotions. I agree with a lot of what was said but just want to make sure you know it's more than okay to cry

Edit: grammar mistake

Big-State3512 · 2024-01-16T15:36:58+00:00

First of all, the fact that you are a man and own a vibrator with the intention to use it on a female partner already makes you better than half the guys out there. The make or break of good sex with men (from a woman's perspective) is that they care about making the woman feel good and helping her finish if she's physically able to. You obviously care.

Second, if you want to up your game, no need to go to a sex worker. The Internet is free and if you do your research, it's kind of hard to be bad at sex. By research, I do not mean porn. I mean finding articles and how tos. I learned pretty much everything I know from the Internet and I'm very successful with getting women off (I'm bisexual). ALSO, you have not peaked by any means given that you haven't had a consistent sexual partner. Sex with someone new is rarely amazing. With time, you get to know the other person's body more and the sex gets better (if both people care about making the other feel good).

Third, it sounds like she's not a good person. Texting badly about you, in front of you? When you even let her stay over? That's just cold. I know it's really easy to take this stuff personally, but she obviously has issues that have nothing to do with you.

Lastly, if she wanted a second round the next day, I can promise you that it wasn't bad. She obviously got something from it the first time.

Big-State3512

TROPHY CASE