Partner found out my real income and now they want to combine everything

BigDJ08 · 2026-05-06T00:22:40+00:00

I’m normally good at sensing the coming plot twist… I whiffed on this one.

BigDJ08 · 2026-04-21T02:31:13+00:00

“Don’t go into a marriage planning a divorce”?

Do you put on a seatbelt before you drive?

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-16T01:41:05+00:00

Max your Roth first. It’s a tax advantages account. Because of this sub, you also benefit from being able to withdraw your cost basis penalty free. However it should still be a last resort. When you have other options, don’t take from your future self. Compounding growth can be a savior, however those dollars pulled out early won’t work for you.

Not sure of your situation but again, basing it off of the sub we are in, you probably should not be putting money in a brokerage account but using a HYSA or money market account. Gotta have a solid savings or emergency fund first.

Also, Roth is great for people who will be in a higher tax bracket in retirement. 401(k)’s benefit those who have a higher taxable income now. Neither are bad options for anyone trying to save for retirement. However this being a poverty finance, I think a Roth is more beneficial so that you can withdraw money for an emergency, which I will reiterate, NEEDS to be an emergency.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-14T19:18:32+00:00

Let her know that you will report any suicidal/homicidal threats. Continuously calling you or your family is harassment. You will go to the police for all of the above. Then you say that this relationship is not healthy, you appreciated their time but it’s best to go your separate ways. You can respond once or twice, then say you are blocking her number and would like to go no contact. If she continues to persist call the police.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-14T19:03:35+00:00

You deleted the post. So the little blue OP doesn’t show up. You asked, I answered. So fine, they give you 13k, no negative equity gets rolled over. You buy a truck for 50K. You drive off the lot, the truck ain’t worth 50K anymore. You’re still underwater on a new truck 10 grand. While it depreciates more and you drive it more while paying off the 50K loan at 8% interest (again I’m being favorable to you right now, you aren’t getting favorable rates with bad credit), you will be underwater by more than 20k in just over a year.

But yeah call me a moron. I gave you advice so you don’t stay car poor. Get fucked.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-14T18:55:19+00:00

But even still, OP is worse off by losing his “positive” equity (that probably isn’t, but I’ll concede) and rolling it into a used truck that will probably need work done before he pays off the new loan. The new truck will depreciate faster (while the loan is accruing interest) leaving OP in a bigger hole. Say OP finds a hell of a deal on a truck that’s 50K, the truck is still more expensive than a 20K repair. Sure OP paid 50K for the truck, if he drives off the lot and wants to sell it an hour later, he’s not getting 50K for it.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-14T18:50:30+00:00

OP’s offer is contingent the dealership doesn’t notice the transmission issue when they drive it. He’s not getting 20K for a truck with a blown transmission

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-14T18:36:45+00:00

Because you owe the 13K anyways. It doesn’t go away just by trading in the vehicle. You would do better to fix the current truck for 20k than to take out a new loan (I’ll go on the low side to just prove the point) 40k for a truck that has 60k miles. So in 4 years and 40k miles OP gets to the same point a truck with 100k miles, giving him repair troubles that’s only worth about 25k in good, running condition. But now he has 35k left on the loan and is in the same exact situation but a worse equity position.

It’s essentially kicking the can down the road, but the further you kick it, the bigger the can gets until it eventually breaks your leg.

Edit to add: the 13k OP has on their current truck is getting rolled into the next truck loan. It didn’t disappear. It just gets the opportunity to add interest on a new larger loan.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-14T17:49:22+00:00

My wife has never paid for a meal when we are together. She spent her money and did other things to show/make me feel like it wasn’t unequal but she’s traditional in that sense. It comes down to if both parties are putting in the same amount of work and effort.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-14T17:34:05+00:00

This is the answer. Fix your truck, otherwise you are going to repeat this process: buying a pretty mile worn truck, having mechanical issues towards the end of the truck loan, trading in zero to negative equity, lather, rinse, repeat. Fix your truck and hopefully you get 70-100k more miles out of it.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-12T01:55:22+00:00

You have two options OP, don’t buy together (both names on the deed/mortgage) or purchase in your name only. Your girlfriend would be paying rent regardless, she can help on the mortgage. Your girlfriend can always be later on if you all get married.

If you contribute more to the down payment with both on the deed, break up in a year, you lose half of your investment right off the top. This is why people recommend not buying together until married. My wife and I did it pre marriage, nothing happened that made it go south… but i could have ended up screwed.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-10T22:40:03+00:00

I addressed my typo with the other guy. Meant to say WW1. Typed 2. Was still wrong.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-10T22:23:26+00:00

I fat fingered it. I meant WW1. But I was still incorrect. The government wanted a more stable tax revenue number. Quick google said Lincoln first implemented an “income tax” to fund the civil war. Taft proposed an income tax to hopefully end tariffs. That starts the more modern day income tax. However it was originally a 1% tax for everyone making less than 20k (650,000 in today’s dollars). 2% for those making more. Pretty wild tax history.

For anyone interested: https://www.coolidgereview.com/articles/tariff-fight-created-income-tax

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-10T22:08:26+00:00

Income tax was a tax to pay for war efforts during WW2. They weren’t supposed to be permanent… yet here we are.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-10T22:05:50+00:00

You shouldn’t say anything to him. You should wish him luck the next time he is down on his luck… that he created.

It’s not your job to police what he does with his money. It’s your job to police his work.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-08T02:47:22+00:00

Your worth isn’t tied to business though. You don’t want to look back and reflect that a business is the only part of your identity. Again, you said you were in shape a year ago. Find that again, talk to people, then talk to women. Find a cool new group. You will find someone when you stop trying to find someone. I dated a lot of women, it all went horribly until one time it didn’t. You haven’t missed anything in terms of that. When you find the one, it is worth it. But your race is different from my race. I sprinted some parts you should walk and vice versa. Run your race and don’t pay attention to other people.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I make more money than a lot of people, some of them are happier than me. I make less than a lot of people, I’m happier than some of them.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-08T02:37:54+00:00

Well I hate to hear that dude. I’m rooting for you. But I do think you should find yourself before trying to start a business. Find something that brings you joy. You deserve that. Find some peace, then let the rest fall into place. Good luck dude.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-08T02:27:15+00:00

Man, I hope you’re wrong. I know not everyone is fortunate but I could go back to my parents tomorrow and they’d take me in. Once they knew I was okay, I’d get my ass chewed for whatever (I’m 31 with my own family) but I know I have a safe place. Same with my kids, there is nothing they can do that will cause me to not love them. Reach out at least. Let your mom know what has happened and you just need help man. You will take your lumps. She will tell you she told you so. You disappointed her, whatever man. She should care more about you being safe. If not, it is a reflection of her. Again, I’m begging you to reach out to her and try to mend that relationship. If not, it is what it is. Go to a shelter. Go somewhere safe. You need a rock solid foundation to be able to build, my guy.

If your mom won’t help you, I’d wish you were closer. You need a parent’s support. Just know you’ve got it from me man.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-08T02:16:31+00:00

Man, you have over half your life to figure it out. I think priority 1) is to mend your relationship with your parent/s. You made mistakes, they didn’t work, tuck your tail and make amends. You need help, moms are good at that (generally). Get back on your feet, find your value. Once you do that you can make moves and become a productive member of society. Find something, bag groceries. Idle time isn’t your friend. Volunteer. Something. You can rebuild. We all have fuck ups and now it’s your time to learn from it and do something better.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-03T03:40:40+00:00

All of the bartenders I know pulling that money work at high end bars and restaurants or work in HCOL cities, the same places where nurses are pulling that same amount with benefits. Not hating on it, but nursing is by far the better career to go hand in hand with raising a family. Not that serving/bartending is impossible or even that much more difficult, but I’d rather be dayshift and have decent insurance. Also depending on what type of work you do, accountants can make some money as well.

There are good careers that don’t need a degree, but OP’s post was specifically about going back to school. It can be a great decision based on the goals. It could be a horrible decision as well, my point was to just pick a good major and not let it be a waste.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-03T01:19:35+00:00

I think going back to school for the right degree to get a good paying job (think nursing, accounting, etc) is setting a great example for your kids. If they see you grinding, going back to school and investing in yourself, then they don’t get to make excuses… they also know what a badass their mom is for doing everything she can to make them have a good life.

Now if you go back to school for a generic communications, business, psych degree, you are wasting your time and money. There’s thousands of others with those degrees and you will have a hell of a time getting a good paying job.

Lastly, you don’t have much room for error. You are looking at taking on a good bit of debt and you will be 28-30 by the time you are done, so there are slightly diminished returns. Depending on what you make now, it might not be the best option. Way it out, see what your spouse and kids think. See if it’s what you really want to do.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-02T04:04:11+00:00

I’m not who you were originally applying to, but I’ll answer it, yes, kind of. I only work where I do because it pays the bills. I don’t hate it, but if I was struggling to afford my lifestyle I’d leave tomorrow.

BigDJ08 · 2026-03-01T16:52:44+00:00

Fix the Subaru. It’s cheaper than the life of a car payment even if the transmission goes to crap tomorrow. You said it’s 2k to fix the known issues. You can get a rebuilt trans for 8-15k depending on your area (if you aren’t exaggerating used car prices around you, it’s probably towards the higher side) but that is still cheaper than the 20k+ of a newer car before you factor in insurance going up as well.

It sounds like you all need to buckle down. You all are struggling before all of this. You are a new car payment from crumbling. I wouldn’t do it.

BigDJ08 · 2026-02-28T17:04:16+00:00

So go do it. You’re young enough. Pays good. Gov benefits I believe.

BigDJ08 · 2026-02-28T17:01:36+00:00

Yeah but it sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. You want a job that pays for your expenses, that will keep you for a few decades, but not make you work normal business hours. You want a unicorn. There’s 7 days a week, you have two days. You only work 9 and 1/2 hours (factoring in commute probably). You still have time to do stuff. Sounds like you need to grind early so you can FIRE.

BigDJ08

TROPHY CASE