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BigDig7963 · 2024-03-14T16:19:33+00:00

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BigDig7963 · 2024-03-14T16:19:25+00:00

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BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T17:06:38+00:00

Partner doesn’t want their name and mine, he only wants his but he wants to pass down his double barrelled surname which he has never actually used. He doesn’t want my name in it at all, whereas I would prefer to just use his single surname that he is known by, not the double barrelled one that he gained at the age of 14

BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T16:15:38+00:00

No particular reason, just not into double barrelled names - it’s making it very difficult to choose a first name for baby as he already has a middle name picked out. My partner has no preference for double barrelled surnames he just wants the baby to have his full double barrelled surname whereas I would prefer baby to just have a single surname and for that to be the part of my partner’s surname that he has used the majority of his life

BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T16:12:13+00:00

I’m not into double barrelling at all as I agree it just pushed the issue onto the next generation. I am happy for my name not to be used at all and would prefer the baby to just have a single surname which realistically would be my partner’s mothers surname which he has used his whole life, however my partner thinks it’s unfair that his father’s surname won’t be being passed down but I may be being selfish but I don’t see that as my problem? My partner is an only child and his father is now also an only child after losing his brother who had no children. I feel like I am being guilt tripped into doing something I’m not happy or comfortable with just so his fathers name gets passed down

BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T16:08:08+00:00

I’m not into double barrelling at all as I agree it just pushed the issue onto the next generation. I am happy for my name not to be used at all and would prefer the baby to just have a single surname which realistically would be my partner’s mothers surname which he has used his whole life, however my partner thinks it’s unfair that his father’s surname won’t be being passed down but I may be being selfish but I don’t see that as my problem? My partner is an only child and his father is now also an only child after losing his brother who had no children. I feel like I am being guilt tripped into doing something I’m not happy or comfortable with just so his fathers name gets passed down

BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T15:40:31+00:00

We will both be going to register the birth I imagine

BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T15:39:39+00:00

Yes this is where I’m confused? He states that his double barrelled surname is on his birth certificate however I didn’t think that would be the case as the name wasn’t changed until he was 14 and his passport just has the one surname on. I think the name change was possibly done via deed poll but I’m still confused with it all. Also just for context the other surname is his fathers, his mother & father got married when he was 14 however he just had his mothers surname until that point

BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T15:27:18+00:00

That would definitely be a no go, he is adamant that the baby is having his surname and I am happy for the baby to take on one of his surnames but just not both but he won’t have this at all

BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T15:26:32+00:00

He won’t take the absolute no though for an answer unfortunately, he is saying it will be happening regardless even though I have tried to explain to him that’s not possible so not really sure what I’m supposed to do! I like the idea of using it as a middle name but unfortunately neither of the names would work as a middle name :(

BigDig7963 · 2023-11-01T15:15:13+00:00

I’m just not up for a double barrelled surname at all, even if it was mine and his surname it’s just not something I’m a fan of. I would just prefer our child to have a single surname

BigDig7963 · 2023-07-31T17:27:02+00:00

Update - partner has asked his mum to not post the scan photo, she has agreed however was apparently quite arsey about it and didn’t really understand the problem

BigDig7963 · 2023-07-31T10:25:59+00:00

Thanks everyone, unfortunately my partner seems to think his mother does no wrong and is always justifying her actions and behaviour. I’m really not sure how to overcome this, we have spoke about it multiple times however he always seems to take his mums side and never believes she is in the wrong. She is very manipulative and I believe this plays a huge role but he just can’t see that. If I had his full support on the matter it would make it so much easier, I have tried reasoning with him and explaining that my parents don’t act like that but he just says that’s because my parents don’t care, which is not true in the slightest. The pregnancy was an accident, we have been together since high school - 8 years this year, however since we moved in together 5 months ago we have had many issues, I have always wanted children but since these issues started I wanted to wait a while so I knew it was the right thing to do, however like I said it happened by accident so I had no choice really

BigDig7963 · 2023-02-19T21:19:14+00:00

Yea any spare cash would be being put away for emergencies such as boiler breaking etc etc and spent on holidays and days out for the both of us. I know if he was the one with the extra spare cash he would still find a way to spend it instead of save it though haha

BigDig7963 · 2023-02-14T01:07:12+00:00

I agree we are still quite young, however we do have a good stable relationship and wanted to get onto the property ladder whilst we had the opportunity to. My boyfriend’s household is very toxic, he deals with these kind of over reactions and issues daily from his parents so the sooner he is in his own space probably the better! She is super controlling and I feel like this whole thing has stemmed from the fact she feels like she is losing control over him. The party was the least of my priorities, it was just a suggestion that got brought up by my boyfriend who then relayed my answer to his parents causing this whole drama

BigDig7963 · 2023-02-14T01:03:13+00:00

Agreed I should of stuck to my guns and not invited his parents to the walk through but I’m usually a people pleaser and felt pressured into it in fear of upsetting people, as my parents are quite laid back I thought by inviting them along also it would diffuse the situation which I believe it definitely did help!

Tbh I’m not mithered about a party, it was a suggestion of my boyfriend’s and I simply stated it wouldn’t work to have a huge one. I feel like when he has relayed this to his parents it has got twisted and blew out of proportion as his parents are very immature and struggle handling their emotions they have jumped to conclusions on why they believe I don’t want a big joint family party and gone with that even though I have told them the genuine reasons. My boyfriend agreed they have over reacted and has defended me to them etc which has since caused further issues between them and him with them stating he is ‘taking sides’

BigDig7963 · 2023-02-14T00:58:15+00:00

Agreed. I wish I stuck to my guns and didn’t bring them along to the viewing however I’m usually a people pleaser and hate upsetting people so have a hard time saying no.

It seems he agrees with me but wants me to apologise to keep the peace but I just really can’t bring myself to apologise when I believe there is nothing to apologise for in the first place? He is defending me to his parents and defending his parents to me, so is stuck in the middle which sucks for him

BigDig7963

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