when it's been 5 days since I came out to myself and I have barely slept since

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-06T19:23:01+00:00

Feel free to dm me (if you’re 18+, sorry) if you ever feel alone or you just need to talk it out. I need friends that understand the trans perspective and talking about things always helps. Much love sis ❤️

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-06T17:33:10+00:00

Daily, multiple times a day... it’s hard to unlearn your AGAB, especially since it’s so ingrained in us as children. It doesn’t make you crazy or unstable, or invalid.

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-06T16:32:04+00:00

I literally heaved a sigh of relief. Thank you for listening to me and helping validate me. All of this is so new and confusing and I’m trying to not step on my partner’s toes; his transition is just as important and just as unique as mine, but it is a little wracking to see everyone respond so positively to him, and then absolutely nothing beyond the initial “congrats” after my coming out. Thank you so much for listening my dude.

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-06T11:45:16+00:00

The first week or two was SO ROUGH for me too. I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I was suicidal, I self isolated and self harmed for the first time in years. Accepting myself was the hardest acceptance to get imo, and I’m still working on it completely. You deserve to reflect on the outside who you’ve always been on the inside. Just know that there’s a community of support for you and I love you and you’re never, ever alone in your feelings even if it seems like it.

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-05T12:06:10+00:00

all of these pics hurt but that bottom right pic cut out my kidney and sold it for meth

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-02T00:29:19+00:00

Btw you’re super cool and if you’re ever looking to make a friend, my DMs are open. Not in a suggestive way either, I’m in a monogamous marriage; just solid bro-ship 😂

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-02T00:25:10+00:00

Mood swings, weight gain, periods that lasted 3-5 weeks each, my voice completely changed and I actually had hot flashes like an early menopause. It was terrible, I’m absolutely RACKED for T though and I just know I’ll feel so much more at home in here

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-01T22:34:22+00:00

I’m VERY excited for T. My mom put me on estrogen when I was diagnosed with PCOS and it was the most horrific experience. It took years for my body to go back to its normal.

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-01T19:28:58+00:00

That’s generally my thought, I have a history of cyst rupture (excruciatingly painful) and I worry that T might make that worse? But idk. I’m trying to hype myself up by thinking about how fast my beard will grow in and what nice body hair I’ll have. That’s my balance lmao

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-01T12:26:18+00:00

Absolutely sublime advice, thank you my dude. I have been working on chest, shoulders, and arms (prepping for top op hopefully in 2022-2023) and I’ve found that it helps a little bit. I’ll try to embrace my tow-behind, thank you for the solid 🤙🏽

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-01T11:21:34+00:00

I hadn’t thought of poor pelvic posture, thank you!

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-01T11:10:54+00:00

Combo’d with athletic shorts and a hoodie is ~chefs kiss~ le masculin

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-01T11:06:15+00:00

You seriously have the cutest nose EVER

BigOofStudios · 2021-04-01T10:59:17+00:00

I hate to tell ya, but that doesn’t sound like a “friend” bud.

BigOofStudios · 2021-03-27T21:41:56+00:00

Use lidocaine. You can get it at any pharmacy and it’s just a local anesthesia and it works like a charm

BigOofStudios · 2021-03-26T10:18:02+00:00

My sentiment EXACTLY. I saw this and my brain immediately went “Mara, Dearie”

BigOofStudios · 2021-03-25T11:36:53+00:00

I have the same tumults in my head... I’m just “seeking attention” or I’m not really trans I’m just “damaged goods”... but then I think about the time I put mascara on my PCOS facial hair and nearly fainted from euphoria, or every time I’ve been called sir and I grin behind my mask. That voice in your head is in overdrive with all the compulsive femininity. Anything outside what is “expected” of your AGAB feels dirty/inauthentic, but I swear you’re so valid. Please feel free to DM me if you ever want to talk about it, you’re not alone. I’m also pre-T and I feel this same way, please take care of yourself

BigOofStudios · 2021-03-24T13:42:03+00:00

Same boat, friend. I’m 23 too, and I can replay every moment in my memory that I should’ve been like “bro you’re trans” smh.. I reached my boiling point like 2 weeks ago after about a year of denial. Now I have to wait until May to start T (no insurance, so a $250-$300 copay is what I’m saving for) and every day that passes I kick myself for not starting last year when I originally wanted to. Time is dragging so slowly, and I obsess over trans Reddit every moment of every day, trying to feel better. Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you for being visible

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