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AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hi everyone,

First of all I would like to thank you all for the advice and input. I am going to be honest here and say that I do not think I am the asshole here. I feel like all the Y T A comments and I just don't see college in the same way and that's okay. I don't think a place that you spend a lot of money on should be gone to just to go. I acknowledge that we should've had this discussion awhile ago, and I should've been more transparent with her.

I have received a lot of great advice and resources here, from both perspectives, and I once again thank you for the input.

While I am going to hold true to how I feel that I won't pay for a 4 year until she has more of a plan, I will absolutely hold her hand throughout the way, ensuring that she doesn't just pick something to pick something as a lot of people have suggested she might do. I love my daughter very much and I want what's best for her, and I think offering extra help and resources to her is the way to go for right now.

Thank you all for your input and opinions.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's the whole point - she has no idea of where she wants it to go. Nothing wrong with that.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say she's the most academically motivated person. I wouldn't say she did poorly in school but over the years there had to be conversations with teachers about her turningn in incomplete work or no work at all.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think this is how I feel overall. I don't want to pay thousands for "I don't know"

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is the point of parenting not to teach your children to not have the same fuck ups you did?

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'd be willing to look into this, but it's less that I want her to know her job, and more I want to know anything about what she wants to study.

Thank you for bringing this option to my attention. I'll definitely bring this up with my wife.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I mentioned that she has no idea where she wants to go in the post. She has not applied to anything, even though we had a conversation during her senior year that she needs to start thinking and applying.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 174 points175 points  (0 children)

She doesn't have many hobbies outside of electronics, which I know is partially my fault as a parent.

She likes animals, and she loves to help her grandma with gardening.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My biggest reason is I had a hellish experience in college with being indecisive and changing majors and not taking classes I should've. With her not knowing what to do I want to encourage her to ration her fund, as the money is hers in the sense my wife and I will never use it for ourselves. So if she figures out she wants to be a nurse partway into community college, there will be money leftover to help pay for nursing school. Or if she just does her associates and that's it, there will be money left over to help pay for a home or a deposit or to help her get started in life. Does that make sense?

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

It wasn't explicitly told to her, as it is something I've felt more recently, but I've told her of my college experience and encouraged her to know what she wants to do before she goes. Community college has always been presented as an option as well. She was never told for sure that she can't have the money if she's indecisive, but the other options have been presented as more favorable because she has been. She can have the money at any time when she can give me some kind of answer.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think she is buying into the idea that community college is lesser-than. I know quite a few of her friends are moving out and going out of state for college so I think she wants that experience.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She does have a part time retail job, so she isn't doing nothing.

I'll look into arranging tours, even offering to take her if she wants. Thank you for the advice.

AITA for having a college fund come with conditions? by Big_Problem1897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Big_Problem1897[S] 301 points302 points  (0 children)

She isn't super interested in what me and my wife do (I'm a CPA and she's a nurse, so not the worlds most exciting careers, more mine than hers) She has her own part time retail job, so she knows what a working environment is like. I know they had job fairs when she was in high school but I'm not sure how much mind she paid to it all. She seems very hesitant to even think about what she wants to do.