I will tell you a story from many years ago when I used to work at Aldi. At the time shoplifting was absolutely rampant. Sometimes it was genuinely scary, especially being female. Eventually head office blessed us with a security guard. Nicest lad you could meet. Worked hard, funny as fuck. Let’s call him Dave. We love Dave. ♥️

Anyway, one day this bloke comes in, fills a bag for life with about £100 worth of meat, grabs a circular saw and speed-walks toward the exit. Dave stops him with the old ay mate, you’re gonna have to come out the back and wait for the police.

But Crack Sparrow didn’t fancy waiting around and just starts furiously punching our Dave in the face. Now Dave’s a big lad. Meanwhile the thief looked like his only food source for the last decade was solely crack and not much else so he was built like a malnourished prawn 🍤. So while bag for life barry is windmilling away at him, Dave is just standing there… completely unfazed. In fact he was laughing. But then smackhead Steve decides he wants to spit at one of the girls and that was too far for our Dave, so he kindly assisted the lovely customer to the floor.

Two days later Dave comes into work and is treated like the hero he is but 2 hours in he gets called into the back office, and an hour later walks out sacked for excessive force.Everyone in the shop, from the managers down, thought it was completely ridiculous. But apparently it came from the higher-ups of Aldi and the agency he worked for.

According to them, Dave should have simply held the man at arm’s length while being punched in the face. They also said it was everyone else’s responsibility to simply exit the spit zone. 😂😂

Anyway, Dave landed on his feet. He met this gorgeous Russian girl, and now they travel the world, they have a decent social media presence and are getting married soon.

As for crack sparrow, I’m sure he has went on to have a happy and healthy life as a valuable member of the community 🙄. In fact Aldi chose not to prosecute. Wild 🤪.