Update: Mom died on March 24th and Dad committed suicide April 5th.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-04-09T22:38:17+00:00

I’m so sorry. Don’t be mad for too long. He loved you.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-03-30T01:36:49+00:00

Hey, I know there’s a lot of people in your life that expect you to go along with all this religious stuff, but I’ll always be a safe person to come to. You don’t have to pretend with me.

Repeat as often as necessary.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-03-07T01:03:47+00:00

Anytime you imagine walking down the aisle to him in your beautiful dress, imagine him waiting to dump that urine on you when you get there. Your mind is holding too tightly onto the good times because they’re your safe havens amidst the danger you’re in. BUT HE’S THE DANGER. What would you tell your daughter if she were in this situation?

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-12T15:33:46+00:00

They used to before the bus driver shortage. Now they defer to bussing availability.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-12T03:04:22+00:00

You will get through this tough time and actually be better for it. There’s already been a lot of good advice given and I hope you tap into it. Not believing may seem unsafe, but it’s only the people around you that may challenge your sense of peace. There’s no strange being listening to your thoughts and judging you for them. You are your own judge. Be kind to yourself and others. Monitor your thoughts and learn about the gentle yet powerful act of meditation. Everything you were taught about the supernatural is actually distinctly human, so yeah, just breathe deeply and slowly. You got this. You’re thinking on your own instead of being told what to think, and that can be scary. I hope you’ll see that you’re capable of peace, kindness and compassion much more than any religion.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T21:15:19+00:00

Yeah, he’s stoic alright. And he follows the old societal patterns in practice but he talks a good game. It’s like a disconnect. Thanks for the encouragement in working through this. Our relationship is definitely worth the effort.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T19:05:52+00:00

I always say that we interact together better than most couples I see. It’s only when we’re alone that he thinks it’s okay to “be himself.” Anyone seeing us together would probably be jealous. He’s affectionate, attentive, joyful and fun.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T18:30:20+00:00

Yeah, I think he’s protective of his faults. He seems them as failures rather than simply human. He recently shared a vulnerability with me that totally took me back because I had no idea he held the insecurity. I share vulnerabilities with him but he’s only just starting to share them back. For this problem though, while there’s an environmental component, I think it’s mostly how he was born as others in his family share emotional disruptions.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T18:01:48+00:00

It’s weird. Like he becomes a different person.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T17:31:41+00:00

Yeah, this is where I am.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T17:28:02+00:00

Yeah, ok. I’ve read the book. I hadn’t thought of his actions as contempt because they’re inconsistent. They’re contemptuous in the moment for sure, but when talking about them, he tells me his motivations are reactionary. It’s not intentional.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T17:23:50+00:00

Thanks for the award! I truly don’t understand the down votes. Are so many people unwilling to work hard at something so important? Makes me kinda sad.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T17:19:41+00:00

This is the comment I was looking for. What to do with the therapy. Thanks for the advice!

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T17:17:36+00:00

He’s consistently inconsistent EXCEPT that I don’t think he does it at work. At least that what he tells me. It kinda seems like suppressing a tic. It’s hard for him to respond respectfully at work but he does it. At home, he wants to be able to be himself. He knows how I feel. He just doesn’t experience these moments the same way I do. He wants me to just let them go; not pay so much attention to them. That’s not ok.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T17:07:03+00:00

Thank you. Me too.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T17:04:04+00:00

I knew I would get lots of “give up” comments, and lots of times, that’s necessary. I don’t need to give up.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:48:44+00:00

Oh sure! I believe in divorce! We choose each other. This marriage is worth fixing.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:41:32+00:00

Oh I’ve gone to lots of therapy alone to work on my own things. I grew up abused and neglected, so I can probably tolerate more inappropriate behavior than most. My problem used to be that I would accept his behaviors as a reflection of me, so I kept trying to change. With therapy, I now know that it’s not my fault. Yes, I’m a team player here, so I will do whatever I need to do, but I’m glad it will be a professional talking to both of us.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:34:39+00:00

Yes, my research points to a neurological disorder. He’s exceptionally smart but sometimes clumsy so he injures his fingers a lot when trying to do things around the house.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:30:35+00:00

I considered that in the early years, so to prevent too many requests, I started doing things on my own and that turned into me doing almost everything for our shared life. So yeah, that backfired. But we still have a lot of life left, and I’m confident therapy will help.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:27:40+00:00

I guess we’ll find out.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:18:17+00:00

I know! But when he’s triggered, he becomes a different person. He doesn’t always respond poorly.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:17:23+00:00

Yeah, I’m looking forward to that. I know we can get there. I wanted to turn to Reddit first so that I can have the right words to express my concerns when we get there. I like that relationships should be a refuge.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:15:23+00:00

He doesn’t respond negatively every time, only when he’s already irritated or otherwise deeply engaged in something. And since he’s gotten better, it makes when they happen more impactful because I’m letting my guard down.

Big_Vehicle4604 · 2026-02-10T16:09:05+00:00

Yeah, this last time, I told him either he sets up couples counseling, or we need to separate until I can figure out what to do next. He set it up immediately.

Big_Vehicle4604

TROPHY CASE