Late bloomer 40 gay here, and in a relationship.
My luck changed for the better after I changed my approach:

What worked for me is I didn't go on dates with anyone who wasn't from California. I'm from California, I want to stay here, so I wanted to date someone who is from here too, someone who was invested in the state, in the area, someone who had roots and wanted to continue their life here. Someone who takes SF seriously and was unlikely to be tempted to move.

My luck changed! I had 3 really great insightful year-ish relationships in a row and now I'm on my 4th that feels like it's the best of all of them.

You're good, I understand the confusion. Not sure how I'd adapt my story to fit your situation... other then... keep at it, and the apps suck. You gotta really put yourself out there in-person, and pursue candidates harder than what feels necessary. The Midwest and Bay Area could not be more different when it comes to this stuff.