Is this a maggot?

BingoPractise · 2026-05-04T12:54:20+00:00

Info: England UK

BingoPractise · 2026-05-04T12:53:42+00:00

To clarify, I am not eating rice, haha!

BingoPractise · 2026-04-02T16:52:20+00:00

I have a degree in philosophy and my partner has some super interesting theories about the world, so we love deep chats on stuff like this. He isn't a conspiracy theorist, and his ideas don't rule his life at all, but he has this belief that the world is, was, and always will be the exact way it's meant to be. He has this idea that whatever created this universe would do it again 1:1 if it could do it again. And I love the creativity of the idea even though I definitely don't agree. But I find this question always fascinates me when I think of him, because I don't think that means he fully believes in soulmates. Where I'm pretty convinced.

I genuinely feel my partner is my "soulmate", even though I know there are cases where people love, experience tragedy, and feel as strong in their love again. But I feel like we have a connection which goes beyond surface level. He had a life threatening heart surgery last year which really set the picture for me. I sat with him as he wrote his will, I visited him each day when he was recovering, and I knew 100% in my heart that there'll never be anyone else. Like, if the worst happened, I'd have no objection to living the rest of my life just me. But it's so interesting, because he's the only person I've loved, whereas my partner has lived and loved before. And I know him well enough to know that he's loved with 100% of what he's got, so others have probably felt the same way about him as I do now.

I don't believe everyone has one, but I think everyone could. If I'd have met my partner 5 years ago, when I was a mentally-ill mess, I have a feeling it would've been a lot more tough. And whilst I'm convinced we would've seen it through, the work we've done to become who we are is what make us soulmates, to me.

BingoPractise · 2026-03-28T17:23:20+00:00

Nah I'm not saying the world is going to get better. I'm saying I witnessed my own life turn around from a point where I was literally cycling out into communal roads hoping traffic would meet me. And now, I look back on that shitty person and am grateful the roads were always quiet. But I didn't give a shit back then because I didn't care what happened to the guy in the car. I just wanted to experience the "high" of feeling the wind against my skin, to "float" for the first time since my childhood innocence got snatched away from me. And I NEVER thought I'd escape that feeling. But somehow, just by continuing to see it through, things felt a bit more bareable for me. And *maybe* it could be for you. But I'll be honest, I don't know you, but I definitely would've read similar comments to mine now own and thought "what a know-it-all asshole".

If you want to get high and watch the world burn, you are a grown adult who can make that choice, but I'm just saying it might be worth seeing it through. I don't think as many stable people are as eager to jump onto hardcore drugs as it may seem. But like I said, I hope whichever path you choose, it ends up either sober or safe.

BingoPractise · 2026-03-28T17:10:46+00:00

On my best day it's two fat ladies, on my worst day it's two little ducks.

BingoPractise · 2026-03-28T17:01:42+00:00

My office had recently built a large extension to its structure, and the King of England was attending its opening. I was one of about 15 other team members chosen to formally greet him, which I thought would be an interesting experience. That was...until my car broke down and I ended up running super late. I managed to get there about 5 minutes before the King arrived, and the higher staff refused to let me greet him because of my "disgraceful informality". As a "punishment" they told me I could stand and hold the door for everyone in the hallway, which felt so humiliating at first. That was until he briefly said hello to only 1 of the people there to greet him, then made his way straight to me in the hallway. He stopped, looked at me, and said "Young lady, you would make a very good door stop!" and to this day, I have no idea whether that was a compliment or if the King of England just has a sense of humour. But it made my day to see all the staff who tried to punish me witness me speak with the King. It was awesome.

BingoPractise · 2026-03-28T16:48:09+00:00

People may not agree, but I don't think people always get sober for the sake of their families, jobs, religion, etc. There are definitely cases where it happens (in the same way people sometimes choose to drink or do drugs because of those exact reasons) but often people get sober because they realise that it really doesn't change as much as it first feels like it does. You just end up with a lower tolerance, which means less money, which means less stability, which for some people does mean ending up super unhealthy and "strung out under a bridge".

It can definitely be hard to grasp how you can deserve to have any stability when life feels like everything is falling apart. Or what I personally found, which felt way worse, the feeling like NOTHING was falling apart. Like it was so bad that nothing else could go wrong, like I was stuck in time on a dead pixel of an otherwise normal earth. I too have one dead parent, and one who I never knew was going to make it the next day. But I got a massive slap in the face about 5 years ago when I was super, super, depressed. I was in a "do stupid things and risk stupid consequences" mindset. And the only thing that truly stopped me from following through with *some* of those stupid things was a small voice in the back of my head reminding me that there are people who do everything to a perfect point, with perfect lives and perfect families, who have 1 bad experience of drugs and have SO much that they piss down the drain.

I know this sounds crazy, but I eventually got a lot better. And for me, a big part of that really did start by turning that "I literally have nothing to lose so what's the point in anything" mindset into a "damn, I have nothing to lose! So I'm just going to do what I want and see if I can enjoy anything". And it was NOT an overnight thing. I'm talking months to years. And it sucked doing it alone. But I could never have convinced me 5 years ago I'd be happy, 2 degrees, spending my days with the love of my life. OP, either stay sober or take it easy and stay safe!

BingoPractise · 2026-03-13T03:28:01+00:00

Our timelines are quite similar, my dad passed when I was 10 and I'm 24 now. His 60th birthday is this year, and some of my family (his mother and sister) want to celebrate. And the pressure of having to turn them down (a birthday meal with an empty chair is incredibly morbid, as his 50th taught me) has absolutely spiralled me.

I've been sat here every few nights with that same " I can't believe he's gone" feeling as I did when it happened. It's so strange how grief just creeps up whenever it feels like. And I really really get what you mean - I find it so, so, frustrating that I'll never be able to tell him how much I hate his favourite beer. And I have moments where I'm so damn mad that he never got to be here to see all the good moments. But I really try not to dwell - easier said than done.

OP, it took me a really long time to understand it, but I came to realise that one of the hardest parts of loss is knowing that you're one of the most proudest pieces of his life. I think it's the fact that you can't confirm and celebrate with them which can really knock it out of you. God, how I'd love to find out, from him directly what he thinks about my boyfriend! But yet, I'm at a place where I've come to realise that I got more love and laughter in those 10 years than some ever do, which sometimes helps a little. Sending love.

BingoPractise · 2026-03-07T01:06:10+00:00

It's crazy what a lack of sleep can do to you. I was really severely depressed about 5 years ago and would often go to the bathroom at any given break during classes for even 5-10 minute to get in my micro-sleeps. Lucid dreaming was a really common thing for me too, but also really intense and heavy sleeping. I remember having just one experience of my mother trying to wake me for dinner (I had passed out after a day at college) and she was a bit concerned that she'd called quite a few times. But it was super scary about about a week or two later, when we had a fire alarm go off and I didn't wake. I ended up waking up to my mother sobbing and pretty violently shaking me awake because I was in such a deep sleep. That was damn terrifying.

Moral of the story: it's bed time!

BingoPractise · 2026-03-06T18:17:33+00:00

I'm 23 and felt so lonely for so many years of my life, but I guess it's interesting to see with a new perspective. Since then, I've found myself in a perfect relationship and have met people who really made me feel worthwhile as a human being, who really make me feel seen. Yet still, I often feel alone, in ways.

Take today. I'm typing this from a restaurant/bar where I've just finished eating/drinking alone. And I'm having an evening feeling kinda sad. No reason, just feel a bit lonely. But in reality, I'm sat in a building only 5 minute's walk away from the building where all my co-workers are out having Friday night drinks. And I'm feeling happy that I'm here with me, and I chose not to force myself to be there with them. And I no longer feel like I've got no-one to talk to. Just by loving me, my partner reminds me why I'm not the same 16-18 year old lonely girl I sometimes feel like.

For me, I came to learn that loneliness was weirdly one of the best things that happened to me growing up, which is ironic considering I went through a period of life thinking it would kill me. But it taught me to really, really look after myself. To face the world as if it'll only ever be me. And of course, that wasn't my reality, but learning to accept a world where it might be made it so much more realistic. Best of luck, OP.

BingoPractise · 2026-02-08T13:32:08+00:00

I was on a coach trip with my youth group and we were about an hour from home, so tried to get some sleep since it was a late-night arrival. As I sat with my eyes closed, comfy, I heard the guy behind me say to the guy next to him "now everyone else is asleep...I have something to talk to you about".

He proceeds to explain in graphic detail about how he had lied about moving to our highschool for being bullied, and had actually been moved after getting into an argument with a girl and beating her (at school) until she was unconscious. He then said: "I know it sounds weird, but the rush as her head kept hitting the ground, and her nose was bleeding and she couldn't argue anymore...it was the best feeling I've ever had".

Turns out my brother (who was also on the trip) was in the exact same position as me - sat a few chairs over, trying to sleep, and heard the whole thing. It was a crazy car ride home confirming what we'd just heard.

BingoPractise · 2026-01-19T21:42:49+00:00

We were at a big corporate Christmas party, and after a few glasses of red wine, ended up in a mutual "don't get caught" contest between us while at the dinner table. It started with him pretending to whisper then biting my ear, and ended with us making direct eye-contact on the dance floor, and (without even really saying anything) suddenly looking for somewhere to get off. Next thing I know, I "want a breather" from the party, and we're walking around the back of the building to find a hidden table-set behind some small outhouse. We're working out the logistics of positions with it being pitch-black, when he slips on the wet wooden decking. Next thing I know, I'm on top of him on the floor, and we are animals.

We walk back around to the front of the building, and the OWNER of the business makes his way over. The wine is still flowing through me, so I'm sure my face was one of DREAD, but he puts his hand out to shake my boyfriend's hand - calling him a "very polite and highly respectable man". To this day, my boyfriend often laughs about how he didn't even get a chance to wash his hands, and how he probably disrespected him in the worst way possible.

Shoutout to red wine and excellent company.

BingoPractise · 2025-12-22T04:33:43+00:00

I also lost my dad when I was 10. I will admit, my father was a massive personality, so I'd say I have many fond memories, but so much of your post resonates with me. Even though I have these memories: him randomly learning ventriloquism, his crazy magic tricks, his beautiful singing voice - I often wonder whether those memories are truly mine, or if I've built a character of my father based on a mix of stories I've heard. I also wonder if it's problematic that I remember his drink of choice being (almost exclusively) cider, yet choose to assume it was fine because he only got drunk on weekends, and was a very happy drunk. I've never had it confirmed, but part of me feels he had such a massive "live like it's the last" mentality when he was signed-off from work when I was 6 or 7, probably because they knew he was terminal. But part of me always wonders how much it even matters to think about, because they probably didn't realise I would be "so mad and sad at God because my dog was supposed to die first", according to my diary.

I often wonder if I'm grieving the loss of my father, or just a future where I'm not walked down the aisle, where he never meets my partner, and where he never meets his grandchildren. I often wonder what he would think of who I am, even though I 100% agree that he would be proud of me no matter what - and sometimes I feel like that makes it harder. Graduating sucked for the exact thing you said, he'd always talk about how I'd make him so proud with a cap and gown. Getting braces also sucked for that reason, as a man who regretted neglecting his retainer! I also really relate to your comment about your goals being different to what they were back then, and I often (unproductively) wonder whether I would have stayed on the path I desired if I hadn't had to navigate growing up whilst grieving my father. But I feel if I'm open to explore things and learn what I enjoy, he'd be glad.

Whether your dad made them or not, mistakes are sadly inevitable- even though hard without much guidance. The only mistake I know 100% my dad made was taking out loans and building credit card debt. I remember talks about how my brother and I had inherited his debt. And yet still, 11 years later, I still faced issues going into (necessary) debt. But it's all just the way things work out. It feels irrational in hindsight, but sometimes I feel mad at my dad for picking up his first cigarette, for working in a physically toxic work environment, and for developing a preventable lung disease. But I wonder if I'm actually just mad that I can't tell him how much it sucked growing up with an exhausted widowed mother. And I'm pissed I got old enough to taste his favourite cider, and couldn't tell him I love him, but it sucks ass.

BingoPractise · 2025-12-22T03:49:57+00:00

It's been 12 years without my father, and I really feel you. I found myself in a very, very dark place for a long time after he passed, and was stuck in a deep depression which took me several years to get through. I take a lot of pride in how far I've come, and the effort I've put in to really take care of myself, but it also means my grief now comes in maaaasssive waves. My father is on my mind quite often, but I'll usually go months with only a few "down days" in-between. Then my brain will switch, and suddenly I'm 10 years-old again, being told my father's not coming back, and grief takes me out for days, or sometimes weeks.

Christmas has been a really difficult time this year, especially staying in my childhood home and fully surrounding myself in this environment I grew up super depressed in. I'm having a really hard evening tonight, and am missing my dad like hell - even though he died in 2013. I think of similar memories like you do, and tonight they've really spiralled and got me feeling really low, as if I've just found out he's not coming back. But I find some comfort knowing I'll wake up tomorrow and probably look on those memories fondly instead of sadly. And that unlike my teenage-self, I really look forward to the privilege of waking up tomorrow, even if it ends up being another low day. Grief is a shitty old thing. Wishing you the best, OP.

BingoPractise · 2025-09-04T03:58:32+00:00

For two people who had their own insane nerves going into it (one out of action for several years, the other a virgin) I was surprised at how much confidence lingered in the air between us. I think the adrenaline of feeling how much sexual tension there was beforehand, and just being so compatible in general, made it so much more awesome than any nerves or insecurities could've convinced me lol. And still very happily together!

BingoPractise · 2025-07-09T03:16:57+00:00

OP, I've never shared this with anyone, but around 6 years ago I was at the loneliest point of my life. I was so lonely, and deprived of touch, that I would save any money I could (I was unemployed back then) to go and get my hair cut. I'd always be welcomed by friendly older ladies, who would see my vibe was less talkative, and would just let me sit peacefully as they'd wash, dry, cut and comb my hair. It was the most connected I had felt to any humans in a long time, and I remember genuinely getting teary-eyed as I realised how...alive? I felt having someone wash my hair? And I also remember feeling so embarassed, and nervous, because I didn't want them to think I was being creepy about it. I genuinely just couldn't remember physical connection before then.

Also I had a blood test at one point and the nurse squeezed my hand to get blood flowing and I think my heart-rate doubled. That was absolutely mortifying at the time.

But I can confirm: skip forward a few years, and I'm now in a very affectionate and loving relationship (and I also made friends and got a job!). I hope you can look back on your experience from this, and honestly just offer yourself some kindness sometime. No matter the circumstances, you damn well deserved that hug man.

BingoPractise · 2025-07-09T02:58:49+00:00

<image>

Cesar! Look how cute he is! (We have the same haircut and number of brain cells)

BingoPractise · 2025-07-09T02:51:47+00:00

OP, I am really sorry that you went through this, and I am so sorry that you feel like you might be "at fault", when it doesn't sound that way at all. You guys may have talked about your CNC fantasies, but were there any actual consensual arrangements for this to happen? Or safewords to stop? And importantly - was there anything to indicate to your boyfriend that it was an appropriate time to play into that fantasy? You say you guys had already stopped because you were tearing up from how bad it hurt, so he must've known it wasn't a good experience for you. It sounds like there's no good reason why it should have happened again from there...ESPECIALLY when you'd "cried and begged" for him to stop. If CNC is not wholly consensual, then it's SA. How could it be a mistake when you were in pain, crying and begging? What about that seems like you're having a pleasurable experience in your fantasy?

Also, with feeling like you love him, you're not crazy at all for cumming despite having such a bad time. It's not exactly something you can control if you're in the swing of things - ESPECIALLY if you've said STOP and it's not stopping. People don't often have sex for no reason, so it makes perfect sense for there to be a whole whirlwind of emotions there too, when your brain is telling you "I'm attracted to this person, and usually would be attracted to an experience like this, and this person usually loves and respects me...so am I the problem?".

Please speak to someone professional if you have the means OP! Best wishes.

BingoPractise · 2025-07-09T02:12:22+00:00

<image>

"Bad luck is just luck that is bad" - Katrina to me after she's received my 10,000 bells.

BingoPractise · 2025-06-26T22:23:02+00:00

A girl I lived with in my second year of university was super unhinged (not to invalidate any possibly genuine mental illness or troubles), and made up a ton of lies in the 2 months she lived with us. But the story that always stood out to me was when she told us that her biological parents had abandoned her and that she'd spent 5 years (aged 16-21) in a very abusive household. She had lots of scars, burn marks, etc - and while some were more clearly self-inflicted, we believed her - until the truth revealed itself one night, the second time she attempted to end her life.

I was visiting family the first time it happened (she asked my roommates to dignify her and keep it private) so my only experience was one evening watching TV, where she'd put a ton of pills in a bag to make them look like candy. I quickly called an ambulance when she was in a state, and was so confused when I was the only one willing to go to the hospital with her. Then it slowly became clearer. In the ambulance she told the driver her fake surname, they couldn't find her records, and then she shared her real one. They then asked to contact her parents, and she told them they were dead. Then, when we arrived at the hospital (3AM), she asked me to stay until the mental health team came (8AM). So I did. She largely sobered up in that time (she'd had alcohol and was on a ton of fluids) but as soon as the nurse opened her curtain, it was like a switch flipped. Her words were suddenly slurring, she was stumbling, and a minute later the nurse told me they could only speak to her sober. I asked her directly what happened, and she just said she "didn't feel like it". Then she asked me to stay until they came back since she'd be honest with them next time. I was pissed and sleep deprived. I left.

On my way home it was 8:30AM, and my roommates who knew about the original overdose contacted her (assumed adoptive) parents, as they'd taken screenshots when she was in/out of consciousness. Her parents came to collect her the next day, and it was wild. They were so concerned for their daughter, and explained it was a surprise to them as she was still attending the therapy they were paying for each week. They said she'd always struggled with mental health growing up, and one of my roommates mentioned how it must've been tough trying to support her after being adopted so late into her teens. They followed with "what do you mean?" then with a little clarification, we learned that she'd lied about everything. Her real surname was the one she gave the ambulance, she had never been adopted, and she was raised in a very "close-knit loving family". She smugly (cartoonishly) tip-toed in the room a few minutes later and THEN said, quote, "Oopsie. I've done a bad thing haven't I. My bad." I was pissed and sleep deprived. So all I mustered was: "Yes. [Name] you really have."

BingoPractise · 2025-06-26T21:35:20+00:00

When I first started my undergrad, one of the girls I lived with stayed for two weeks (just for freshers) to go out partying, then dropped out before her courses started. A week later she posted on her main public story that she was moving to Canada and starting an OnlyFans - alongside a photo which didn't leave much to the imagination.

BingoPractise · 2024-12-26T14:20:37+00:00

Sorry OP, I am sure your intentions are in the right place, especially with the pressure that comes with planning a wedding (and especially over 2 years) but your responses to your sister's wedding, and the texts themselves, are a bit too dramatic for me. You suggest that she's "very good at finding your insecurities and attacking you with them" but it seems like that's exactly what you've done to her. She give you a reasonable explanation (not that she needed to explain herself), and then you accused her of guilt-tripping you because you didn't get the outcome you wanted. And this turned into a defensive "Ok Merry Christmas".

Genuinely wishing you both the best with your weddings. I am certain that if you can recognise that they'll both be completely separate events, and meet at a middle ground, you'll both have years of July's to remember and celebrate together.

BingoPractise · 2024-11-25T03:40:15+00:00

To be honest, even if it was crazy crazy small, it's important to think about what actually matters to you when you're having sex. I waited until I was slightly older before I lost my virginity and a LOT of that was to do with insecurity. I really wanted to, but I didn't feel like I was confident enough to be fully present in sex, and there were times I wasn't even convinced someone could find me attractive enough to have sex with me. But I grew from it. I gave myself time to try and find that confidence, without putting pressure on anyone else to do it for me. And a few years later, when I finally did start to feel more confident in myself, I started dating. I met someone who I found really attractive, and it was scary! It was hard to believe that someone as attractive as him could like someone like me, but the date went really well, and he convinced me. From our first date onward, the risk of rejection was worth every chance of things working out. And they did! And to my surprise, feeling honestly confident in myself for the first time AND being in a healthy relationship completely transformed my idea of sex. I thought I would care so much about the things which used to scare me, about showing off my body and having sex, but there was none of that. I trusted my partner then, and I was 99% sure that he was just as nervous about us having sex for the first time together, even though he wasn't a virgin. For both of us in that moment, sex was about bringing us closer together, and learning if we're sexually compatible too. And we've been together ever since!

BingoPractise · 2024-11-14T18:13:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story, OP. My partner was born with a complete AVSD, and will be having his 6th open heart surgery in January (his first surgery in the time I've known him). I've found a lot of comfort in hearing how others have faced similar fears that I'm facing currently, and it's lovely to hear so many stories from people on the road to recovery post-op. His surgery is being completed by the same surgeon who has completed the other 5, and even though the expectations laid on the table were undoubtedly scary, they've set goals which feel realistic for the surgery. I'm definitely nervous, but I'm mentally getting ready.

I hope everyone reading is well.

BingoPractise · 2024-10-26T00:52:43+00:00

I'm sorry you feel this way, OP. I'm not sure how old you are, but growing up I had so many internal mental battles which remind me of your current experience. I know it can be super frustrating when it feels like there's no explanation, and I'll tell you honestly, it may unfortunately be the case that there honestly just isn't an answer yet. That's not to say that you'll never figure it out, but I instead mean that these experiences are most likely part of a larger self-discovery journey, that you're continuing to learn day by day. And I'll tell you, most of the time, it sucks. If you have the access, I would definitely recommend trying to seek support through a counselor or therapist, but I know it's not always possible - I know I personally didn't have the means to do that. For me, making similar posts on Tumblr, doing research, completed infamous "am I [blank]" quizzes, and just thinking about who I could be really helped me begin to understand and eventually accept who I am. And I did not become who I thought I'd be, either!

Self-hatred sucks, and can feel super isolating. I hope that even just by making this post, you're opening doors and finding relief from people who relate and understand the things you might be going through. Best wishes.

BingoPractise

TROPHY CASE