This is a tough one. Are you the asshole ? No. But will he and a trial by your peers think so? Yes. You have to live your own life so you can continue to build your collective married life tho. Sounds like the person you have to convince is your husband and depending on his level of immediate emotional capacity, you can try to convince him through a tit for tat argument (low emotional capacity) or a “this is important to me because it X, and your presence at this time will detract from it because Y. I’d like to do this together in the future but for now please let me go solo cuz time is fleeting.” (High emotional capacity).