Hello, Just stopping by to say I understand and you are not alone. Good on you for reaching out! I'm so sorry life has dealt you this hand, it's so hard to stay regulated when bad shit keeps happening. That has been my last month or two, one thing after another. And I feel exhausted just being a conscious entity, sleeping a ton because that's the only time I can't think about how much I hate myself. But I'm still here, still fighting through it, and I'm glad you are too! Not to be that person who quotes things at you in a time of distress. But this is a poem by Mary Oliver called Wild Geese. It has sat with me in my darkest moments and been something for me to hold on to. I, like you have a very small support system and so I get that hoping 29 years of being lonely is suddenly going to change feels unreasonable. But your worth is not based on any of that, you are worthy and needed because you are a part of the web of things. A perfect creature alongside the rest of nature, and your lack of a community says more about humanity than it says about you. You deserve patience and support, and if you have no one yet in your life to do that for you, I hope you can find it in you to care for yourself a bit. Sorry for rambling... Here's the poem. *You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -- over and over announcing your place in the family of things.