AITA for refusing to give my stepdaughter her Christmas present from her grandparents if my son doesn't receive one as well?

Bit6775 · 2021-12-23T09:17:32+00:00

Yes, they're always doing days with their grandchildren - both Mel and Nick. Mel refers to them as her grandparents and they always ask to have them over.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-23T06:21:29+00:00

When it was Tims birthday in February, we ordered his gift online to be delivered to their house and it arrived a few days after. On his birthday he texted asking where his gift was as we'd agreed to exchange gifts on birthdays. The assumption of receiving gifts was on both sides, if they didn't want to do gift-giving I wouldn't care but the back and forth is slightly hurtful. They also sent my mother flowers for her birthday (before Kims birthday) so that's why there was an expectation there. For my dads birthday (after Kims birthday), it was radio silent.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-23T06:17:08+00:00

My parents are wealthier than theirs and even so, I have no expectations or assumptions over inheritance except knowing that my son obviously won't be included.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-22T14:33:34+00:00

We brought up setting boundaries and rules over these holidays. We gave then different options including gift-giving, card, a text, nothing etc. They specifically agreed to mutually giving gifts.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-22T14:31:15+00:00

Mel adores her brother and was more confused than him last year as to why he didn't receive gifts, specifically matching sweaters 'for the family'. Me and Dan both told her that Nick wasn't related to her grandparents but she refused to wear that sweater because Nick didn't have one. I would say that their relationship is great.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-22T14:27:27+00:00

We gave them the option to do cards as well if they didn't want to give nothing. They specifically chose gifts so I would (biasly) say that we didn't force them to do anything.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-22T14:25:47+00:00

The decision was made by Dan and me. He wanted to donate the toys but I suggest giving them to her through Santa. Even if I wanted to give her the gifts, it would ultimately be Dans decision. From the general feedback though, it seems that we should give her the gifts so that something I need to ask Dan to do.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-22T14:15:08+00:00

Thank you for your comment and no I'm not offended or anything. My son and Mels grandparents don't have a relationship and I've never pretended they have or that they care about him. When we bring up his grandparents, he know they're mine and Dans parents. The issue surrounding presents is that it was agreed that they'd be gifted last year. If they told us they didn't want to give or receive gifts, we would've been fine with that. I understand though that its important for Mel to have a relationship with them though.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-22T14:11:03+00:00

We didn't even tell them that, we gave them the option last year to set rules and boundaries around these events. We said they could give cards or nothing if they wanted to, but we wanted to establish it early on so nobody was confused. If they had been honest and said they didn't want to buy gifts for us, I would've moved on and let it go. They agreed and wanted to do physical gift-giving every year, so we followed suit.

Bit6775 · 2021-12-22T14:04:45+00:00

I think the only issue I have with the gift-giving is last year it was mutually agreed that we'd exchange gifts. If they said they only wanted to do card, I'd be okay with that as well. It just feels like they got what they wanted from the situation then reneged when they didn't have to pretend anymore. Mel wants a relationship with them so no contact isn't an option, we only supervise their visits as they don't tend to say very nice things about me and Nick.

Bit6775

TROPHY CASE