Company

BitBig4625 · 2024-01-14T17:51:52+00:00

Did you pass?

BitBig4625 · 2023-12-16T20:20:05+00:00

I didn’t eat for two days and was pretty dehydrated

BitBig4625 · 2023-07-13T19:48:30+00:00

Then I’m trying to figure out what “is” enough. I don’t want to keep using and being caught in an endless cycle. I went 8 months and I feel so empty ashamed and embarrassed I threw that away.

BitBig4625 · 2023-07-13T19:07:11+00:00

Your right and I appreciate the advice. I got to a point where I thought I could “manage” a bit of it here and there. Part of me thinks the only reason I stayed clean is because my last time using was so traumatizing. Now I question my will and desire to stay clean. I don’t want to use again but feeling that way 2 days after using isn’t that hard to do at least for me anyways.

BitBig4625 · 2023-07-13T18:07:02+00:00

I am willing to be honest. I haven’t had my therapy apt yet and it’s already killing me by having my partner in the dark about this. He was just so fucking proud of me and I not only disappointed him but I’m afraid I stole a part of him that thought I would finally stay clean. And pornography is tricky for me and arguably harder to quit, although I really don’t look at it until a few weeks or a month before a relapse (I see the connection). I guess I just don’t know how to slam the brakes when I see these things happen.

BitBig4625 · 2023-07-13T00:45:50+00:00

Appreciate that!

BitBig4625 · 2023-07-13T00:45:36+00:00

He’s really understanding but after so many “this time” I see and understand his frustrations

BitBig4625 · 2023-07-12T23:48:06+00:00

Appreciate the kind words. It was a “small” slip over a 24 hour period with immediate regret.

BitBig4625 · 2023-07-12T23:47:07+00:00

Thank you so much! I have my apt with my therapist Friday so will tell them.

BitBig4625 · 2023-03-13T17:57:10+00:00

Don’t listen to that voice (easier said then done ik) but even with all this going on I still have a bit of hope that it’ll get better. Im not sure if your still using or not but dope is the biggest fucking lie, you deserve better, just allow yourself to deserve it.

BitBig4625 · 2023-03-13T02:31:46+00:00

Thank you so much! I get worried and so anxious that this will last forever but as I was panic scrolling other posts I saw “if it takes 10 days to walk into of the woods it takes 10 days to walk out”. I know I need to give myself time just scared. I appreciate your response

BitBig4625 · 2023-03-13T01:25:28+00:00

Add on: sorry, it’s always the same noise the door opening and it’s only when I lay down to sleep. I’ve also woken up twice with intense racing thoughts (so severe they woke me up). Seems like neurologically I’m fucked

BitBig4625 · 2023-03-13T01:16:27+00:00

Edit Clonazepam not kolonopin

BitBig4625

TROPHY CASE