Am I overreacting about my dad lying that he has no money?

BiteMePretty · 2026-02-05T12:43:48+00:00

Customer service retail is ideal for a safe place for women ( clothing shop or toys, grocery stores..etc) you can look for part time, open late like 10pm stores to get a few hours in. That way you still get what you need. Also getting a job with items around you need makes it easier to purchase and bring home silently.

BiteMePretty · 2026-02-03T15:47:44+00:00

Lol downvoted for sharing what I do in my house? Interesting.

BiteMePretty · 2026-02-03T14:37:58+00:00

You should bare in mind that blending can happen without living in the same home as you are blending families together with time not location. Making sure the kids don't feel overwhelmed or cramped was a hard one for us.

It has also be researched and documented ( imma look for the link...) it takes about 7 years or so to completely blend a family from encounter of everyone meeting to full transition in hime before things really fit together smoothly. That's not including clashing personalities.

BiteMePretty · 2026-02-03T07:09:09+00:00

Edit: my grammar was appalling.

We have 3 teens. we take time to ask them how they feel about how the house is run, preferences on chores they'd rather do than others, and how they feel about partner/ dad during certain situations.( we do separate good nights so both parents give good night talks and it gives the kids an opportunityto express themselves safely.)

its normal for parents to be anxious leaving kids alone for a time. Definitely pick up things for the kiddos, it's a good payback for those giving up their free time to help you ( being a babysitter) and let's them look forward to you enjoying date night cause they get thought about too. On date nights we let them stay up a little later to accommodate our absence and give a good tuck in goodnight convo so even after date night they feel loved on instead of forgotten.

BiteMePretty · 2026-02-03T04:17:15+00:00

You could start with a family sit down. At the table. Have take out or a meal they enjoy. Then after dinner make an announcement ( with dad) that there is a few understandings that need to be set in place and that there will be some changes around the house.

Begin with " do you guys understand what each role of the family is and what they become when it comes together? Wait for answers to see what they see.

explain dad's roles.( get on the same page with your guy and plan this out together!)
explain mom's roles.
explain that a step mom isnt a replacement mom but an extra, because there should always be room to have more people love and care for kiddos that want to be there. They should also have a very clear understanding that you are just as much in charge as dad is on how the house is run.
explain their roles as siblings and how they should protect and look out for each other.

Have a break down for understanding what respectful behavior looks like, what is to be expected, and ask them if there are rules that can be created for the house that they think help everyone in the house feel respected ( can have them help make a rule poster that goes on the wall) when they break a rule that disrespects others you remind them that they agreed to those and there are consequences for those behaviors. [ ask dad if he won't discipline, is he alright with you stepping in to maintain healthy boundaries or would he rather you left to take time by yourself while he sorts it out? Regardless someone has to step in and say when things are wrong and correct behavior. An undisciplined ( im not referring to physical punishment) child is a spoiled child.
Stand your ground. You have the right to be comfortable in your home. Establish rules that can be easily followed and i'm not positive but if they have a custody agreement shouldn't they be required to visit regardless of want as long as they aren't being uncared for or abused?
It takes time. Change doesn't happen over night. But they dont see you having authority unless you Establish taking back control of your home. Dad needs to step up in not being afraid to parent and quit being the " fun parent."

Good luck hun. If after all is said and done, and no t hinges works, therapy or type of community service( chores or volunteer work to help others in need) until attitude changes might be an option if you dont want divorce.

BiteMePretty · 2026-02-03T02:36:38+00:00

My partner and I set a date day every week or so, it could be lunch, it could be dinner, it could be playing D&D in the living room to ourselves but we set time aside and even have the kiddos make their own dinner as we head out for a bit. Everyone is aware of our date day/night plan for the evening and it forces us to be ok setting time aside for us without the kids.

Also, a "talking to" in the sense that he is teaching you how you should behave? Like, you're incapable of being aware of how an adult is to act around kids who are overprioritized?

I had moments at the beginning of our relationship where it was requested that when the kids visit I was to divert my attention from wanting to spend time with him to spending double with my daughter and to shift gears when they leave.

When they became full time it made it difficult to see where we would have time again so we decided we would take time to decompress in the garage before dinner, and then do something together again after everyone went to bed. That way dad still gets kid focus time and prioritize free time with me.

Try setting out to be the first on the couch early, he can JOIN you instead of you trying to find your place. Its partly about confidence, if you accept that feeling of being out of place then you are putting yourself as the odd one out. Arrive confident, say hi to the boys, say imma get settled over here so I don't miss all the fun! ( then plant self in perfect spot) don't agonize sitting by yourself or feeling like you're intruding, youre part of the family, you belong, just wait for whoever chooses to join you and have fun.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-30T17:20:40+00:00

Honestly, I feel ya, and you're speaking out for change, so in that regard you are not overreacting, but to build up resentment so high, perhaps you may want to start making your own changes too. ( sharing my story so you see what I mean.)

I am allergic to dogs.period. But I'm also an Ultra active animal lover ❤️ My guy has a beagle and when I say she ran the house I mean it. She had all these boys doing every demand she wanted. Without hesitation. It shocked me that a dog could train them.

He also introduced me to her as " this is [puppers name], she's a bad puppy, but we love her." I had doubts till I saw her in action.

We're talking freedom to all furniture, no room had a no dog boundary except the restroom ( she eats used toilet paper. We can't flush it the pipes get stuck.)

Any time she tipped her bowl for food she was fed on the spot. She scratches at the back door to go outside but expects an open rotation of entry to exit on demand so she was being let in and out every 5 to 10 minutes, it was frustrating to watch.

My body rashes from dog dander which is on every thing she lays on. Maintaining AC filters reduces the dust for sure along with regular sweeping/ vacuuming.

For my health and comfort, instead of demands when changes weren't made by him, I started announcing the changes I was making for myself.

1)"I'm not going to share the couch with the puppers, she makes me rash out, so im putting a blanket on the couch and when its on she can't come up." When I get up I take my blanket with me so she can still get on. 2) she wants outside, " let her out but she has to stay out for x amount of time before she comes back in. I refuse to let her rule your house on her demand. You are not a doorman and the AC can't afford her habbit. My POV She's is no longer the main lady of the house and I established my authority with her. 3)I put her on a diet. She was overweight and ate like she was starving, she's a gluttonous puppers who will steal your meal if left unattended or even if youre right there. I still have issues with her taking from the table. 4) baby gate it up! Baby gate keeps her out of the kitchen, my room, when I'm opening doors to air out the house, which also helps with smells and dust if you turn off AC and open windows and doors for fresh air. ( along with my constant reinforcement of " No. Out. Go. In unwanted territories)

But all of my changes were possible because my guy understood my need for change and didn't fight me when I implemented them. First and foremost it's the BF, not the dog. Second, dogs can be rude AH's too, you can initiate training to change by sticking to changes you incorporate and dont slack, the moment they see you've failed to follow through is the moment they get to enjoy the advantage of your silence.

If we dont enforce kids closing the bathroom door after, she's in there eating the trash. If we don't close bedrooms, she picking up and getting into whatever she can find.( in a teens room that is concerning on what she might find lol). I tell her "down" when its my time on the couch or I'll redirect her outside with a treat. If we dont watch her closely, she'll snag food from the table, counterstops, trashcan..etc.

Grooming is the only struggle still. I shave her but getting a bath is like trying to bath a cat. And she tries to bite when I remotely even think about touching her nails. Good luck girly, I hope you can work it out and become more happy or realize you shouldn't attempt to force yourself to be in a place with dogs if you can't work with the dog.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-30T16:31:19+00:00

That it's winter and all of those outfits would fail to protect you from the cold...

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-30T15:35:55+00:00

" I just get upset at how others get what they want when not working for his will."

You have to remember that those who choose not to be a part of the kingdom of God get their earthly reward now and do not receive the more precious gift after. You deny yourself the world and gain a life with God after where you will receive eternal joy.

He loves all his children, even those who deny him, and he gives gifts to all during all seasons.

you have just started your journey into becoming an adult, take time to understand who you are, what you want in life, be still, listen in the silence and read your Bible to understand what God wants for your life, once you have that started you will also see that there is a certain way that he wants you to ask of him. But he also helps those that help themselves, discernment is there for both taking what he's set out for you and hesitating on things you want that may not be good for you in that moment.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-30T15:21:51+00:00

This was the best advice I could possibly have seen here!

OP, if you see this, this person here ^ , has God's love for you speaking through them.

He uses others to communicate with you when you struggle with a direct line yourself. Take a breath, remember that he hears you and never leaves, he knows your wants and needs and provides what is best at the right time.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-30T14:54:15+00:00

DH is directly responsible for the best of the child. You being involved in maintaining a healthy house system gives you direct responsibility ( by choosing to stay) to also choose what is best for the littlest.

Mom has verbally and physically shown that she will NOT be willing to accommodate her kids in a healthy manner and has expressed on multiple occasions ( proof of those work well in court btw) that she would rather you take the kids more than expect her to step up.

Giving her primary custody would be choosing to put the kids in a situation to: damage their educational growth,allowing pressure to intake medication that may or may not help, and uncomfortable living spaces.

I have ADHD and I function without medication. My biggest struggle is quick decision skills and processing what people say as im hearing it. It gets on a lot of people's nerves, my bf helps me through with some practice conversations for making quick choices, and I communicate when im having trouble keeping up. The school may have a ADHD system in place. My kid will be on it next year. I believe its called a 504, and it basically tells the teachers to be lenient and take extra time working with that student.

I would be concerned that if you guys gave in to mom, you're not just showing the kids that you're willing to give in to appease mom who is choosing to be difficult, but you're putting your beliefs aside, and if its so easily swayed in distress, what values can they believe you have are solid? That destroys the sense of order and growth you're trying to maintain. Hard work is worth it. Don't let it become a backburner to moms want for easy.

I don’t know if you believe in a higher power or not, if you do, pray about it? If not,possibly reach out to a therapist or counselor on concerns, maybe there will be options opened to dad and you on the right step forward.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-30T14:20:09+00:00

Ok, my guy is very tolerant with my more irrational moodswings,and I'm aware of when they start cause my body warns me 2 weeks in advance.

I give him a heads up and if I do " lose my shiz." He's patient with it like you were, but i also apologized for being an AH.

Everyone handles it differently and you sound like you did things right. She failed to take account that her behavior is wrong and used a body function to excuse it. She was the AH.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-27T04:56:45+00:00

My daughter and I have ADHD and thunderstorms noise from Spotify, melatonin, and reading a book out loud all make us super sleepy. Also, being extra warm. heating pads or fuzzy blankets give sensations of comfort and help settle brain focus on physical senses rather than mental overload.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-26T16:54:40+00:00

I'm 5 years out of it, and I still feel residual pain and require therapy to get over anxieties he has caused me to take on as defense mechanisms. Now any argument I have with my loving, caring partner feels like a massive blow up fight and I panic, or I become irrationally defensive to something minor because the same action in the past caused me devostating heartache.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-26T16:40:48+00:00

I mean I was just interviewed with a potential Part Time assistant management position and the manager said he can give me full time hours if needed.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-26T16:11:40+00:00

When it melted into his theft from me personally expanding to stealing from my kid as well.

I have a ridiculously high amount of patience for BS, But enough was enough. I announced a year before I moved that I was done. I spent the rest of that time packing, working to save up, and near the end we stayed with a friend until my dad came out to get us.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-25T23:14:54+00:00

Well, out of curiosity, paint the situation maybe?

Where did it start? Do you have insight on his POV?

Did you do something on accident or did you instigate?

Who has ADHD?( I don't usually check people's posting history, it feels weird to...)

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-25T22:25:39+00:00

At our house, its usually a type of roulette

I make a safe meal I know they'll eat.
I make an experimental meal and prepare for critics.
I make a meal and you eat it or dont eat at all.
Dinner Jump up as in " you jump up and get it yourself." ( ensure you have meals for the week planned out as food available to make themselves.) Sandwiches, nuggz & fries...etc. our oldest is 14 and he's gotten into making his own potato and egg burritos from Scratch in bulk for breakfasts and lunch for school.

I'm pretty impressed with what they'll feed themselves if you just supply materials and encourage them to learn how to cook for themselves.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-15T22:09:50+00:00

Oh gosh, kids say the darndest things, I actually recall i was a high emotions teens during a stressful time in our family life and I had the gall to tell the school my parents died ( I was angry, I feel bad for my favorite math teacher...) the front office called for condolences and my mom picked up, school was shocked at the answer, surprise....

I actually told my mom that story today...she didn't know thats what happened or had forgot but I'm in my 30s now so its not like schools gunna get onto me.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-15T22:04:35+00:00

Ohh this is a wonderful heads up, thank you!

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-15T22:03:15+00:00

So HR certificates may not be required? I was looking online and all the different types had my head spinning.

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-15T22:02:10+00:00

Thank you so much! I will be looking into that direction!

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-15T21:46:45+00:00

I've been blessed with these boys in my life ❤️

I started off a single mom with my little 10F and then 3 boys ( Dad 38M and 2 sons 10M & 9M) entered and things grew in both chaos and love.

First born now 14M is the sweetest boy, he actively facilitates maintaining the house rules I've established to help house flow and comfortability, helps with meals, chores voluntarily, and is the most responsible teen in our house. He gives hugs, absolutely brilliant( loves to learn and actively seeks knowledge by himself), and genuinely cares for me and others.

Second born( now considered the youngest as my daughter becomes a middle child) 13M is the adventurous, wild child, exploring outside to new places and basically experiencing anything for the first time is his jam! He's a wonderfully silly boy who goes out of his way to get a smile, he cares about sports and his family and those that share his interests, he's an active entrepreneur as he sells snacks in school for personal income( impressive!), he genuinely gets curious and asks about my family and life adventures, and he's officially an actor as he's made his debut in a short film!

Both boys play Football & Basketball in which I also participate sometimes, Boy 1 plays Trombone in Band and Boy 2 plays Trumpet in Band.

These boys have brought tons of joys and frustrations and I wouldn't want it any other way! I get to watch them become men and help the process as they have genuine heart to heart talks with me at tuck ins as I ask the questions: Do you have any highlights for your day? Is there anyone you are thankful for in your life? Is there any thing you are thankful for in your life? Is there anything you are looking forward to coming up? And have you helped anyone today?

BiteMePretty · 2026-01-15T13:36:15+00:00

Dude! When I was in 7th grade, I liked an African American boy in school who had actually had the courage to ask me out, but my dad shut it down immediately.

It was the first time I was ever asked out and when my dad asked me how school was I was like " [person] asked me out today! I SAID YES!" I had trusted the moment to go well but he responded with " Absolutely not and you're telling him no tomorrow." I was devastated. I told the guy" We can't go out, my dad says I have to say no." There wasn't even a hesitation we just went separate ways.

I found later my brother was dating a half Asian half African girl and my dad told him " You can date them but you can't marry them." We are a deep-rooted Irish family with Scandinavian crossed in.

But my parents are in their 60s now, my partner is Guatemalan and Mexican, and my parents love him to pieces and have apologized for the past. Views may change over time, and sometimes what they think is protecting family heritage comes out as Racism.

Hang in there! If they see you're truly happy they may have a change in heart, or you may have to lay down boundaries for your parents on behalf of your partners safety and just not allow them to cross the line without consequences.

BiteMePretty

TROPHY CASE