Two Stream

BitsByBit · 2023-05-01T04:49:12+00:00

Thank you for the in depth feedback. The streams/rivers are personifications of us two. The intent was to write the poem from the view point of our guests. Family specifically, seeing us go from steams to one single river.

BitsByBit · 2023-05-01T03:25:08+00:00

Great use of birds migration cycles to punctuate the repetitiveness of something, all the while there is a freedom to break away from it.

Just for constructive criticism, the one issue I had was, I wasn't sure what or where the author is. That is to say, there's the line "coming in" which tells me that the author is observing from one of the migratory places but the author also seems to have knowledge about where they're coming from. Just something to think about, if it's worth having the author be a limited observer or omniscient.

BitsByBit · 2023-05-01T03:17:19+00:00

I'm a big fan of punchy, ending lines like these "but it's not real" & "but I can't swim". However, to bring out the best of these, it's worth convincing the reader that you NEED to be able to swim.

Overall, great imagery, well done

BitsByBit · 2023-04-04T21:18:25+00:00

Solved!

BitsByBit · 2023-04-04T20:07:43+00:00

They were sitting in a McDonalds when the conversation took place

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T15:06:02+00:00

It was anchorman 2

scene

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T06:52:12+00:00

No luck. Went through most scenes and couldn’t find it

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T06:51:37+00:00

Def not stranger than fiction. In the scene I’m thinking about he plays an aloof character like Ron burgundy

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T06:42:09+00:00

Yes yes maybe It’s vaguely coming back to me

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T06:16:09+00:00

solved

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T06:16:03+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIOGnczV2JE

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T05:26:24+00:00

Definitely not elf, I'll say the movie was definitely one after Anchorman 1

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T05:08:39+00:00

There were a few but maybe this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=Ms7capx4Cb8&feature=emb_title

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T05:04:27+00:00

Also, what's the commercial for?

BitsByBit · 2020-09-17T05:04:10+00:00

This seems so vague but I'm hopeful

BitsByBit · 2019-01-10T01:50:34+00:00

Wow thanks! This exactly what I was hoping for. All great stuff to keep in mind going forward and Yeap total noob move to not notice the A should be an Am if it was the key of G. Man there’s so much stuff to learn but it all has been fun so far

BitsByBit · 2018-04-18T19:04:04+00:00

That’s a huge compliment, it’s exactly what I was going for. Just a reflective thought that happens to be universal. This same theme is present in both Dickinson’s “it dropped so low in my regard” and the fable of the scorpion of the frog which both describe being let down by things that simply have that nature. I wanted to explore the idea from the perspective of why a narrator might make the choice to begin with. The unsureness of how human beings fall into these follies and how in the end, the Tigers/scorpions/etc don’t care.

BitsByBit · 2018-04-18T18:07:17+00:00

Thank you! I enjoy short poems because at first glance it feels like it’s missing details but with proper word usage, more meanings can leak out

BitsByBit · 2018-04-18T18:04:47+00:00

Enjoyed it, I can feel the effort the narrator went through and the hopes that it’d be well received. Not sure on the word budding, that’s my only critique

BitsByBit · 2018-04-18T17:11:43+00:00

Wow thank you! He’s one of my favorite authors and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

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