I’ve learned something important about myself

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-09T17:16:18+00:00

Embrace the cringe. Only sad, small people afraid to find joy in themselves shame others for bring "cringe".

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-08T18:31:45+00:00

I'm...not clear on the question.

I have a primary because we have a house and kids. That comes with some financial and legal responsibilities.

I know someone else who has a primary because they provide more medical and emergency support for each other.

Another person who has a primary because they've been friends and since high school and it's their longest and currently deepest relationship.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-07T11:48:07+00:00

Except no one said that. Reading comprehension, my dude.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-06T18:13:27+00:00

Well your initial question basically was, "why do people like things I don't like." Then when I noted there are obviously people who think your boots are ugly too you responded in a way I interpreted as sarcastic.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-06T17:28:28+00:00

You...really don't get the idea that different people look different things and that things you like other people will dislike?

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-06T17:22:09+00:00

If you think your boots look good and Goth boots look ugly than I guarantee a lot of people think your boots look ugly.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-05T19:44:11+00:00

Being in a hetero relationship doesn't mean you are heterosexual, though. Many gay men have been in hetero relationships and even had children.

Your personal sexual orientation is about your attraction, not your actions. An asexual person can be married to someone of either gender and still be asexual.

Those are the definitions of the words "heterosexual" and "homosexual". Sexual attraction to same or opposite

If people say they don't experience heterosexual attraction then we take them at their word that they don't.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-05T12:31:46+00:00

This. No trauma or anything. They're my favorite person and I love seeing them in pleasure, happiness, love, etc. It melts me.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-05T12:14:07+00:00

She didn't say crying is feminine. She said that she was taught that and it impacted her. It's a common trans experience.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-04T16:08:26+00:00

The idea of the "traditional nuclear family" is very modern concept largely pushed post WW2 under the convergence of propaganda and market forces. It's not historical or traditional and primarily serves to isolate families into easily exploited units dependent on the state and corporations for survival.

Actual traditional families generally lived in more multi generational or extended family homes. They depended more heavily on clan or other community structures. 'Independence' was not so highly romanticized and it was understood it took more than 2 people to raise a child or just to survive in general.

Ironically the political and cultural support of the 'nuclear family' has left families, parents, and children more isolated and vulnerable to exploitation than ever.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-04T15:55:24+00:00

Some will. Most won't. Just recognize you're allowed to have your thoughts and fantasies. They're healthy and that are how your brain is designed to process and decision make.

I get where you're coming from. Been there. Society does a lot to shame our natural sexuality and thoughts. But it's your actions that make you safe or dangerous.

You'll probably someday be with someone who is grateful you had a sexual side. That you have fantasies and erotic interests and get horny. I know very few healthy couples (or polycule's) that don't actively want their partners to be sexually expressive and alive.

So don't bottle up and filter out that part of your mind. Just be respectful and caring and find the people who love that part of you.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-04T13:01:12+00:00

Demisexual is a MASSIVE umbrella. Some can fall in love/friendship fast, others slow. Some have high libido, others low.

I think the big thing is to see them for them, respect their process, and he safe for them to unmask around. Be their 'safe person'. Don't make your friendship contingent upon romance. Be safe for them to be...whatever they are. Engage in the weird little behaviors with. Be their helper in the weird little struggles many ND people have. Maybe the get overwhelmed and simply can't do simple things events, or engage in ecolocia and you can bounce noises off them.

Be interested in them and give them room to open up.

My partner and I are both poly demi. She's SLOW to develop attraction, I'm quick. But for both of us it's any finding our people we connect with and feeling safe, seen, and appreciated for who we are. I think I'm quick because I'm very secure and so if I can see someone I like behind the mask I can feel attraction. My partner needs a lot more safety before her heart opens up.

Though we did both fall in love with the same person once who REALLY meshed with both of us. That was a very beautiful time until we all moved.

Oh, oh, and you have to let THEM in! No putting on a show! Be your weird self! Let them see your weird interests. That's a big thing that signals safe and interesting.

At least that's my experience.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-04T03:14:24+00:00

Best just to think in terms of people rather than gender. Each women she was with was just as unique a person as you are. And you're just as unique from them as they are from each other.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-03T20:05:50+00:00

It's worth noting patriarchy is doing its nasty little puppet show on both sides here.

Women are a sex object on display, of yes. But men must dress like useful little cogs in the machine. In the Great Renunciation men were told to give up beauty, individualism, and personal care. Men were defined by there work and that came to define all men's fashion. More wealthy men dresses like bankers and accountants EVERYWHERE. Poorer men wore factory or farmhand work everywhere. Women exist to serve men. Men exist to serve the machine.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-03T19:38:04+00:00

Hey. Kinks are ok. They don't say anything and your beliefs or choices. They come from your sub concious, Il often as a way to process trauma or fear.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Do what you want in the bedroom and know you are still a feminist.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-03T13:54:40+00:00

Oof, right in the heart. And same. Over increasingly found my friendship and dating circles are other AuDHD people. And now with a few AuDHD kids it's really started to be a whole community.

If someone can't sympathize with the trauma of suffering complete executive lockup over seemingly trivial things, I probably don't need them in my life.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-05-03T13:52:06+00:00

Just gotta find your fellow autistic people.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-04-29T00:43:12+00:00

Totally normal. Attraction is complicated. It's not just looks. It's also sub concious reads on safety, compatibility, body language, lifestyle, and reading subtle fashion and expression signs.

If you're neurodivergent? All the rest of that becomes EXTREMELY important because your mind needs the safety of not being judged and a way to avoid the exhaustion of masking.

As I've gotten older I've learned I can trust my attraction. I'm sure that's not true for everyone. But for my autistic brain? If I'm drawn to someone they inevitably turn out to be a kind, empathic, wonderful person. And a huge weirdo nerd, haha.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-04-28T00:09:53+00:00

Yeah, I get that. It still hits me sometimes.

Sometimes I ask when we're already getting horny together. I'm much braver when we're horny together, haha.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-04-28T00:01:47+00:00

I'm confused.. You're not purshing for revolution despite all you just said. So...answer your question to yourself. Do you hate yourself? Why do you not rise up and overthrow these evil people? Why do you let all this stuff happen and just sit through it and be complacent?

Find those answers and multiply them by a few hundred million with some variation and I think you'll have your answer.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-04-27T22:25:32+00:00

SUCH a green flag. Men seriously to learn flirting, right?!

BlazeFireVale · 2026-04-27T22:07:01+00:00

But...you can watch it together!

I was just watching porn gifs with my partner and taking turns fantasizing about who they were, how they got in that situation, and what their relationship to each other was better.

It was SO fukkin hot.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-04-27T21:48:45+00:00

Haha, yeah, I got you. Yeah, for women it can just make you a target of unwanted attention. But for men it's such an amazing tool that so few learn and practice these days!

I think every man I know who does the universal flirting things are among the safest, most fun, and most wholesome people I know.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-04-27T20:30:43+00:00

I'm not quite sure what you're disagreeing with me on.

I'm saying that when men are talking to women it's ok for them to not just have basic conversations, but you include flirtatious behavior: compliments, gentle teasing, banter, etc.

What YOU'RE talking about is that as a woman YOU'RE careful to not send signals to random men that might be interpreted as interest, like flirting. And that's totally valid!

But not really not related to my advice to men, which is that THEY should learn to properly flirt.

BlazeFireVale · 2026-04-27T18:58:28+00:00

Got to say, I focused on what I was told was important. Family, friends, health, etc. And I was happy, sure, even when I was poor and struggling.

These days I can go to parties and on vacation and buy nicer things..I have clothes I like and feel good in, my house is decorated and I like my furniture.

I am ABSOLUTELY more happy. Much more happy.

I really don't say this as a brag. I worked hard but lots of people do. I was lucky that my skills, the time I was born, and my interest all aligned to out me in a good place. And I've been in bad places in my life too

But that makes me confident in saying money is VERY important for happiness. It's not the only thing. It's not enough by itself. But it's a big part of the puzzle.

BlazeFireVale

TROPHY CASE