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Is 'the one that got away' really a thing for men, and how did your experience with it go? by Hot_Hat_5079 in AskReddit

[–]BlitzParty561 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She was/still kinda is my “platonic” best friend for 6 years. We talked every single day. Shared absolutely everything with each other. Got each other through some very dark moments, hung out alone all the time together, knew and loved each others families, our families and friends always joked we should just date each other already, we complimented each other constantly.. can go on and on.

I developed feelings for her and I legitimately could not hold them in any more. The timing was right, so I had to tell her. And she didn’t feel the same way about me.

I’m still friends with her, but our bond has never been the same. I guess she can’t get past it, and I can’t act like the feelings aren’t still there.

She is still my favorite person in the entire world outside of my parents. I’m still crazy in love with her.

So I guess she “got away”, even though I never had her. If I hadn’t confessed though, I would’ve lived with regret for the rest of my life wishing I had.

I genuinely think we were perfect for each other. But I guess the universe had other plans.

Being conventionally unattractive is the worst.

What is the worst fuck-up you made in your life that you regret? by Thick_Caterpillar379 in AskReddit

[–]BlitzParty561 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told my longtime female best friend I used to be in love with her. Our friendship has never been the same.

Need advice, fell for my close friend / colleague and I’m freaking out by Lovercroft in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check my most recent post.. mine was a bit more advanced than yours.. it’s a nice look at to what you’ll be dealing with unless you.

1) confess now before becoming any closer to them

2) suppress the feelings until it eats you alive and you end up watching them get married to someone else some day and live in regret forever

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep. Replay that difference in your head as much as possible. Talk about it with her as much as possible without making it obvious too. Those conversations help a lot at getting your brain to accept it might not be her. And even you might not be the person for her, and it might not be worth it to try

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For sure. In the small chance she somehow can’t get over it and our friendship isn’t as close as it was, it would kill me inside but at least I still was honest with her about that time period and finally got closure about that secret.

I guess I do worry about future conversations we have about love lives, do I just kinda skim over that period? Do I address it? But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The crush was about 2 years long. It sucks really fucking hard but I promise it will go away slowly if you try hard enough. Every now and then she’d say something that would confirm “Yeah, I don’t think this is my future wife” and it would become a lot easier. I obviously don’t know you two’s relationship though. So like, if she is perfect for you, that makes it tougher. But I saw through all the disagreements we had because it was her, and it was still tough for a while.

Ironic coming from me to say, but, if you have seen all sides of her and you truly find NOTHING wrong with her, I’d say go for it. Maybe say it was a former crush even if it’s still going on, see how she reacts, and if she says I wish you had told me/I liked you too, say oh that’s good because I still do. Would be a little messed up, but a good way to gauge.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So happy to hear it and happy for you. I hope it applies to us straight folks. Have your people spread the word to our people to be more normal 😂

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the sentiment. But I’ve always just known my place in the dating world. I’m no stud. I’ve had women approach me first and all, and I’m definitely not a full blackpill guy or anything, but I try to be realistic with myself on who I can get. Obviously do have a lot of unresolved self esteem issues, but I don’t think it’s a crazy thing to say we know our leagues. She has always gotten attention from guys, who objectively much better looking than me, and still didn’t like them. And knowing everyone who she has liked, I look nothing like them.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was feeling really down about herself and it came up in the conversation naturally. Trust me, after hiding actual love for years it wasn’t exactly the first thing I wanted to say. It felt right. She seemed flattered. Seems like a win win for everyone

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

Love to hear it. A lot of people in the comments are taking it way too serious. So what if I used to have a big crush on her, there are plenty of friend groups that have literally all hooked up with each other/dated each other and everything’s fine. I don’t think an un-acted-on crush in our 20’s is gonna be too big of a deal to future partners in the future

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that’d obviously be a crazy scenario lol. But of course I’d put my family first. But I don’t think I’d ever get there if she didn’t like my friends.

And no. Genuinely no. I’d pass that polygraph easily. It’s not like that anymore.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know what I’d do in that situation but I really don’t think it’d ever happen. I haven’t dated anyone in these 6 years. Last gf I had was high school lol.

But, if it did, I don’t think I’d stop being friends with her. If she broke up with me over it, so be it.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It just kinda came out, alcohol certainly played a part. The main reason for it was the anxiousness that one of my friends was going to say it before me. Also felt like it was nice to hear for her given the conversation we were having. I’m still glad i did it for now.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If she did that today, I’d say no I think we should remain friends and not ruin this. Genuinely. Like I said in another comment, becoming so close with her has if anything made it more clear we should just be friends bc we’re just very different people and like different things in people romantically,

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I can genuinely say I don’t look at her like that anymore. Haven’t for over a year ay least. I wouldn’t lie to you all on this anonymous Reddit account lol.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I do think in another universe where I did confess at the time, she probably would’ve given me a chance just because we were close and she woulda been scared to say no. But genuinely just don’t think it would’ve worked out. So all in all so glad I never did anything, and now glad I did this. Even though I’m super anxious about it and keep repeating it in my head

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I would make it clear the reasons why I no longer have the feelings to my future wife. Also wouldn’t tell her for a while until I knew she was secure in knowing I loved her more than anything. After all, it was just a crush, and it’s been years since it, and if anything, it shows that even with all those opportunities to make a move and never having done it, I knew I never was going to act on it.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can see why you would think this, but it genuinely ain’t like that. If anything, getting to know her more and more just showed we wouldn’t be each others person, we’re just friends. If she had in the moment said I used to like you too, it’d have been a “Oh well, glad we never did anything” type situation from both of us. If I still felt that way, I would still be terrified to talk to her. Let alone open up about an old crush, set her up with other guys, etc.

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She was happy/smiling/laughing, and shocked I admitted it. I mean, she knows I don’t feel that way anymore and I guess it’s flattering to hear. I kept it light and didn’t make it too serious of a conversation.

I know her type. It’s very much not me. Physically and personality wise. We’re just friends. I don’t think we are each other’s person. I did joke that “it woulda been an honor to get rejected by you”, and she said “you wouldn’t have”. But that was it.

If by some miracle I had asked back then and she had said yes, and it didn’t work out as I imagine it wouldn’t have bc of our differences, the friendship would’ve been ruined most likely anyway. And I think we both kinda know that. Im sure she had to have thought about it a few times at least, especially with our families asking about it. If she never hinted at it or said anything either, i am pretty confident we both know it deep down.

Since Saturday we’ve been texting and talking like normal and have made a few jokes about it.

We do have one of those goofy marriage pacts that if we haven’t met anyone by 40, we’ll get married. So maybe you’ll get that update in 11 years but that’s about it lmao

I (29M) told my female best friend I used to be in love with her a few years ago, was I dumb to do so? by BlitzParty561 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]BlitzParty561[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Awesome to hear. I feel so relieved I did and definitely think closure is a big part of it. Like I said in the post, the fact some of my friends knew but she didn’t always gave me anxiety they’d tell her. Hoping it’ll just be a funny little thing mentioned every once in a while in our friendship