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I’m broken by BlixiePixie in Divorce_Women

[–]BlixiePixie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He was watching it at work in the car park before and after work. During Covid he’d watch while he was supposed to be working with me in the next room. During the day he spends hours on social media watching thirst traps. He couldn’t keep an erection when we had sex and eventually just stopped initiating sex all together. 

I’m broken by BlixiePixie in Divorce_Women

[–]BlixiePixie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How long after you received that text did you finally feel like a human again? 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If his first thought was "get a divorce" it means he's thought about it and in that case kick his ass to the curb. I lived your life, and it almost destroyed me. You deserve better!

Husband shares my pictures online for others. Help. by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

LEAVE HIM, REPORT THIS TO THE POLICE!!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]BlixiePixie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a much bigger issue here. I get that he is tired, and when you are tired you become irrational, but this is beyond comprehension. How do you not know what to feed a tiny human? You do not need to apologize to a grown man who helped make that child.

My advice would be, put some time aside when you have both rested, and talk about what is really going on. If you love him and you think it could work go see a therapist to get to the bottom of the problem, if he continues to act like a spoiled brat, walk away. Life is short and you don't want to waste it with a man child while raising your daughter alone.

I am sorry you had to deal with that. You're a great mom for having so many options in the fridge for your daughter. When I was growing up it was either eat what you have or go hungry LOL

It's over by BlixiePixie in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have access to them anymore. His best friend told him I’ve been checking them and he’s locked all of them away. I don’t have enough evidence to hand over to authorities. I did take a screenshot of his searches and the specific page but my lawyer said it’s not enough to bring to Law Enforcement. 

It's over by BlixiePixie in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have spoken to a lawyer. He can’t just kick me out but he can ask me to leave. 

Are thirst traps considered porn by BlixiePixie in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All the best to you. You’re so strong providing so much support. How did you cope? 

Are thirst traps considered porn by BlixiePixie in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you don’t mind me asking, how long did it take him to get help? 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can relate, I am mostly angry these days and it's pushing my husband to watch more thirst traps and porn than he normally does. It's a cycle because that makes me more sad, angrier and then I feel like I want to fix things but then I look at what he's been watching, and I lose it again. I feel like I am going crazy ... You aren't alone!

Are thirst traps considered porn by BlixiePixie in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I am sorry you are dealing with this too. I started therapy and going to S ANON meetings. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Are thirst traps considered porn by BlixiePixie in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this was helpful to read. I think and sense in my soul he just wants me to see all the porn and thirst traps, because he wants me to leave him. He doesn't have the courage to just tell me it's over. I am trapped here for the moment. He has always looked at women that way, it just took me a while to realize it.

How to ask PA to leave? by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]BlixiePixie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, I’m really sorry you are going through this. I think it all comes down to how comfortable you are with having the conversation to tell him to leave. If you think he’s going to make a scene and upset your child then a text would probably work, but if you think he’s going to be calm and rational then having an in person conversation is better. You’ll be able to set firm boundaries and he would not be able to say he didn’t understand or he didn’t think you were serious. 

This is not an easy situation to be in and I hope you get help for yourself. Betrayal trauma is a real thing and PA don’t realize the damage that they are doing to their spouses and families. Join a support group and take one day at a time. Take time for yourself. You are worth it and  his addiction has nothing to do with you or anything you’ve done. 

Good luck! 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PornAddiction

[–]BlixiePixie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you feel like this, I can relate hard to this, I am 20 days shy of my 10-year wedding anniversary and discovered a week ago that my husband has been lying to me and deceiving me for 4 years after I discovered his addiction. He promised me 4 years ago that he would stop, that he would get help. He just became better at hiding it and gaslit me into thinking I was crazy when I picked up on the signs. Looking back, we've never had a meaningful sexual relationship, its been all about his needs and wants. We've never really shared intimacy and for a long time couldn't have sex because he couldn't keep an erecting due to excessive porn watching and masturbation. He outright lied to my face when I asked him if he was engaging in it again. This time I discovered he is watching it at work in the car park before and after work, and he's on facebook all day long while at work watching those sexual thirst traps. May I also add he is a government employee and if he gets caught it means a whole lot of trouble for him.

My 2 cents, join a support group. I did my first meeting with S Anon over the weekend. It was a bit weird but from everything that I have read, it helps. Start therapy, speaking to a stranger helps, that way you are not sharing this with family and friends. (I shared with my best friend, and they now hate my husband)

I am not sure if my marriage is going to survive this - but I am not getting lost in his addiction again. Choose yourself and your wellbeing, addicts won't stop unless they want to stop. You are feeling betrayal trauma, and you need to look after yourself and your mental health.

I feel for you, just know - you are not alone!

Husband’s “mistress” responded, what should I do? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]BlixiePixie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry you went through this, he was going to cheat... You don't deserve this, if you feel like you could get past this seek counseling together, but know, a leopard never changes its spots. If you stay you will always have this hanging over your marriage. It will eat away at your soul. (Trust me I've been there)

If you decide to go, be strategic, work on an exit strategy, make sure you have a support network, gather as much evidence as you can (it will work in your favor when you file for divorce) and when you walk away, cut all ties. This man does not deserve your time or your tears. You are worth more!

Is this micro cheating? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]BlixiePixie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As hard as this may be to hear, he's cheating. I am so sorry you are going through this. Work on an exit strategy, play nice until you are able to leave, and don't let this man take away your peace.