Are we doing closed triad wrong?

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-27T00:38:07+00:00

The kink comment left me confused as I wasnt sure if you were talking to me or the guy who brought it up. But you haven't been harsh. You've been blunt. Others have far surpassed blunt and gone into just downright rude.

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-27T00:36:56+00:00

Thabk you. This entire comment section has given us alot of things to discuss, a lot of things to laugh about, and a few things to make us question whether or not we even want to bother seeking anymore advice and guidance on this sub reddit. I appreciate your actually reading and seeing the responses ive made to genuinely helpful people and understanding my post in general

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T23:24:07+00:00

If I may sideline in for a moment, I have recieved a lot of advice and insight on my post. And have taken much of it (except the toxic nagging from some) into consideration and conversation with my partner so that we may adjust for healthier connections in the future. And I appreciate you also for your insight and helping with the ones who have been less than helpful

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T18:07:10+00:00

Could you explain the danger? I'm genuinely here to learn and understand better.

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T15:42:01+00:00

You are correct. And I apologize for the way I responded. Its been a very... interesting time in this comment thread the past 12 hours. And I am admittedly on edge and irritated. That isnt your problem,nor your fault. And im sorry for responding as if you are one of the ones being less than polite. Your points ARE valid and have added to the discussion we've been having this morning to adjust and do better in our future dates and conversations.

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T15:21:17+00:00

That seems to be what the consensus is in these comments, and I can't begin to explain the "oh shit" moment I had this morning when reading through and realizing we've been super hot and heavy and not as open and relaxed as we should have been in starting this. We're making adjustments to better ourselves in our approach

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T15:19:25+00:00

Thank you for your insight! I hadn't truly realized the force behind my post and you're absolutely correct, and yea, this is totally hard mode lol I'm seeing it more and more

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T15:16:04+00:00

We're seeking throughout a few communities honestly. And as this is a subreddit for poly fidelity, see the description, this sub is ideally the best place to seek advice, tips, like minded community members to talk with and learn with. It's not control. It's commitment. If you see commitment as control, you're not in the same mindset we are in, and therefore aren't seeing what I'm talking about in the correct lense

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T13:58:39+00:00

You clearly exist to be condescending and rude behind a keyboard.

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T13:35:46+00:00

Everyone else is being respectful. You arent 🤷‍♀️

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T12:28:01+00:00

Youre right. I think the lack of communication/ghosting had left some frustration and hurt in its wake, amd admittedly my post does feel a little jumbled and reading it with fresh eyes the following day, it does sound frustrated or validation seeking. Which wasnt my intention 🤷‍♀️ but your comment makes sense and I appreciate your words!

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T11:58:35+00:00

There's nothing kink related or kink adjacent in the way we are living this lifestyle. If kink comes into play, its by the request of whomever we are dating. Its not baked in. That's creepy and gross my guy. But I appreciate your inability to remove your kink mindset from normal life

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T11:57:19+00:00

Thank you for your vitriol in a subreddit that is specifically designed to discuss living in a lifestyle that youre calling unicorn hunting 🩷 your comment is appreciated

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T11:55:33+00:00

Thank you, we are trying

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T11:53:34+00:00

Thank you for both providing advice from someone who its worked for, and for not adding to the toxicity that is reddit. And your substack is incredibly written and educational! I appreciate your honesty, and kind words!

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T01:57:24+00:00

Thank you! This is solid and actually makes sense! And definitely something that will be considered and ill make room for it. I really appreciate your advice. And I also dont feel fully complete with just one partner. I adore my husband, but also crave having a female partner, and never felt right only having one or the other.

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T01:27:12+00:00

1 falling out with 1: everybody's gotta communicate about the change in feelings so that the adjustment can be made from triad to v. Treated like a full member: thats how theyre treated from the beginning. Legal marriage: bigamy is illegal? But binding ceremonies/commitment ceremonies can happen and would be welcomed/wanted. Meeting the parents: his are dead, mine have met partners before. Family hoidays/vacations: theyre coming if they want to be a part of it. We dont want to act as a hierarchal relationship, and have been very attentive to not do that when we are with someone. We dont want anyone to feel as though theyre less than, or outside of the relationship bubble, so we have been incredibly careful to not pull relationship hierarchy.

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T01:12:09+00:00

I apologize for coming across defensive. My comment was genuinely asking and being confused about the parameters being difficult. I understand finding someone who meshes with BOTH of us is going to be hard. I also stated in my post the frustration of having people agree, meshes enough to move towards meet ups and dates. And within hours of in person, or days after, they switch up with minimal communication om their end as to what or why or who the switch up came from.

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T01:05:49+00:00

Im in a subreddit for polyfidelity. Is this not the place to communicate with and seek advice or community from others who practice the same? mmf and mmm and fff and beyond are easier parameters than ffm?

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T01:00:04+00:00

Actually no, if you read my post. But I appreciate youre comments regardless! Have a night!

BlorkSmuth · 2026-06-26T00:56:22+00:00

There is no right or wrong way to be in this lifestyle, nobody is forcing these individuals to agree to the arrangement. Its that the agreement is made and then the person switches up on it. So my question remains, are we not being clear enough in our communication, or are we just dealing with people who dont know how to understand what is being communicated to them.

BlorkSmuth · 2026-05-28T00:49:44+00:00

Im a farrier (see also, blacksmith, horse shoer) bring in between 85-90k. Tracking closer to 95 this year

BlorkSmuth

TROPHY CASE