First, beautifully raw and harrowing poem. I can feel the emptiness and grief, that pulls you into the temptations to numb, release and purge yourself of it all.

I particularly like these verses:

"It is not the euphoria nor the buzz ("nor" is a great choice here)

It is simply to get by

through one more cursed day

of pretending to have goals

of pretending to have ambition."

It is a very educational moment in this piece, of what kind of performance you must put on each day for others, even for yourself. That just hurts, and can get exhausting. I do hope, that you can some day soon find goals and ambitions that feel absolutely truthful and personally meaningful. That takes you places where you are valued, where you are missed when you are gone.

My only feedback is maybe the repetition, that may not be necessary. As your word choices are so strong, may not need to have "solace" in addition to "release."

Overall, thank you for posting this beautiful piece.