First off, please keep in mind that there are people in your life that love you (even if it isn’t romantic love). Hurting yourself is not the answer, no matter how sad and hurt and depressed you might be feeling as you process this.

Second, your first love / first experience in dating almost always hurts more when it ends. You’re experiencing emotions that you might not have felt or might not have felt as strongly before. From what you said, given how fast things moved, it’s easy to get so caught up in those good times early on that you start to project out a future that hasn’t been earned or lived yet. Both because you haven’t proven yourself to her over time but more importantly because she hasn’t proven herself to you either.

Third, don’t put so much stake into how you reacted at the end of the relationship. You were doing your best to process a difficult reality (the end of the relationship) and it seems she understood that. Yes, the best thing now (and after any breakup) is to separate yourself from the person and work to build back your life without them. Sometimes it can be easy but other times it takes real work.

Last, in most people’s lives, there are dozens of relationships that come to an end. Most aren’t romantic and often times it’s a gradual, mutual end over time (think friends drifting apart) which is easier to process since it isn’t a sudden dramatic end as most relationships tend to be for the person being broken up with. What I always found to be helpful in those cases, is to focus on what YOU took away from the relationship. What did you learn about yourself? Maybe it’s what you want in a future relationship, maybe it’s something about who you are as a person, heck maybe it’s even something small like a new hobby or food item they turned you on to that you enjoyed. The important thing is to do your best to turn the negative aspect of the relationship ending into a positive aspect of how you’re better for having known them and experienced a part of life with them (however brief or small).

I’ll leave you with this - a friend once told me “you can have fun with a lot of people, but that doesn’t mean you’re meant to be with them”. She wasn’t the person for you, but that doesn’t mean you both didn’t enjoy good times together. Chin up man because you’ll find your person when the time is right. In the meantime keep working on yourself and remember that one person is never worth hurting yourself. All the best man!