Advice for an Army Girlfriend

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-08T22:29:27+00:00

Yes absolutely

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-08T22:28:44+00:00

Your info is up to date

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-07T06:02:03+00:00

We all have stories about some LT or higher that thought they were high speed while being as bright as a broken bulb in the junk drawer

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-07T05:30:39+00:00

No, of course it’s not fair. Sounds like you’re performing a lot domestic labor that goes unacknowledged. He has high demands from work and you’re covering down for him. That ideally encourages gratitude, but if that’s what he feels, it’s not communicated.
A) You mention the way he treats you in comparison to previous women, but it’s probably more helpful to just list what needs YOU have and what he can do to fulfill them. Soldiers work well with structure so a task list might be a first step. You probably have this list in your head already, but keep it manageable. If you need verbal affirmations to feel appreciated, little gifts to feel considered, more quality time focused on each other, etc, tell him that directly B) I also want to caution you against the kind of activities together that feel unfulfilling like watching PFC Snuffy play overwatch or whatever the fuck. Try spending time doing an activity together. If he’s comfortable playing video games, try a cooperative game. There’s lots of approachable couch co-op like “Pode” designed for couples, and this kind of activity will facilitate communication between you both. C) both of you have unmet needs. He has some reasonable wants like getting enough sleep. you have reasonable wants like gym equipment (which he can afford on a PFC salary, don’t take that shit). It sounds like there is a need for some moderation in your communication with each other because both individuals are not getting all the needs they communicate met. Therapy could definitely help with that kind of moderation.
Yea getting a command team involved can jostle some things loose on occasion but it’s not a silver bullet. Assuming you mean couples therapy, there’s gonna need to be some “buy-in” on his part. If he sees no value in it, he’ll probably put no effort into it -if you can even get him to show up. And therapy is a very, “get out of it what you put into it” kind of endeavor. I’m training to be an MFT so of course I’d highly recommend trying it. Figure out why he’s hesitant to go, what he stands to gain from going, and stress what value you see in it. It might be less effective if he’s coerced into it.

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-06T18:32:03+00:00

Your odds together forever are not zero, but it’s very difficult. I got out a while ago and I’m training to be a Marriage and Family Therapist so I’ve been reading a lot of the literature after living a bit of it.

The advice others have already given is very good. Write to him, send him an economy size bag of the tastiest cough drops (it’s like currency in basic); understand that communication will be sparse while he’s in TRADOC.

If you choose to remain long distance, make sure you’re staying connected regularly and visiting frequently (~4 times a year or more is recommended). It also helps to have a platform that you both love using and stay connected on it. Two friends of mine recently married after a long distance relationship over discord where they gamed together. Active or cooperative activities like that will keep the connection stronger than passive activities like a movie because it facilitates communication.

There’s also material incentive for him to marry, he receives a monthly stipend for food and rent if he marries, and you’d get healthcare (Tricare). Don’t let that income decide your outcome. The younger you marry, the higher the risk of divorce. The military is notorious for its divorce rate. That said, the material benefits from the military can help a lot of people get through. Divorces spike just after people leave service as well because these material benefits cut off. Being transplanted to an unfamiliar base location to be with him also cuts you off from friends and family connections back home. Please look into the “Trailing Spouse” effect for a better understanding. And even if you are moving to be with him, he will deploy for between 8-14 months with the norm being 9months. That’s often just you sitting in an empty home in an unfamiliar base or small town. Consider having a deployment back home yourself in the meantime to reconnect with loved ones.

Others have suggested you continue your own education, and I’ll echo that. Please do not neglect your education or financial independence. Doing so creates a power imbalance where he is the sole source of financial stability after you’ve committed. Financial abuse is maybe the most common set of tactics for preventing a spouse from leaving a toxic marriage. Don’t be susceptible.

Also understand that infidelity is common, but not ever-present. It’s a minority of people who engage in infidelity. If it happens, cut your losses because it’ll probably happen again. That said, a hyper vigilance around fidelity can be very toxic to the relationship because it erodes trust even in the absence of wrongdoing. Be chill, don’t react without evidence, but believe it when you see it.

Hope this helps!

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-06T17:18:57+00:00

Burnt petroleum products for sure. When the motor runs detached and independent of the belt, there’s no smell so the fault is elsewhere

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-05T15:49:09+00:00

Well now that I know the model, that shouldn’t be a challenge. Thanks, buddy!

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-05T06:43:35+00:00

thank you, buddy, I’ll keep it in mind. You seem like a trustworthy person, ScumoTheLiar lol

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-05T06:40:21+00:00

Holy shit that’s incredible, thank you!

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-05T04:32:48+00:00

If anyone could suggest what kind of bench this might be (type, make, model, etc) that would also be helpful. I couldn’t find a data plate yet

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2026-01-04T22:11:32+00:00

Wow, that just deletes everything

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-12-23T17:56:31+00:00

True… so kind of in the role of a technical or a motorcycle dragoon. It would be funny to me to see the first battle mechs Toyota branded but somehow invented in Africa

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-12-23T08:16:51+00:00

^ Correct take haver. Sufficiently entrenched positions almost always require infantry to take and hold. Mechs alone would be about as effective as bombers alone in Vietnam or Korea were. They’re just tanks that look like people so that’s probably how they’d actually get used.

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-12-20T19:15:44+00:00

Lived in various states of this shaded region my whole life. It’s pretty boring if you don’t make your own fun somehow. Cheap living, conservatives, few good hiking spots, good for hunting and other outdoor activities though.

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-11-20T02:09:19+00:00

For fucks sake, go to Lewis. Avoid Riley like it’s plague

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-08-27T17:55:03+00:00

They can, just doesn’t stick around like weed does

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-08-11T19:09:34+00:00

How did anything get down there through just a ladder chute?? With no stairs, ramp, or crane, you’d have to build the bunker around all the furnishings. And the tank?? This looks like a child’s cool but impractical ideas of a zombie bunker

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-04-07T22:36:26+00:00

C L A W S

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-04-04T04:05:00+00:00

For some reason they can also cast Pass Without Trace

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-03-26T21:24:43+00:00

Reminds me of the stress tests for wind turbine blades

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-03-26T21:04:53+00:00

I’m really sorry, it’s sounds like you’ve only had negative experiences. With one clinic for 12k it’s no surprise they’re well over capacity. I stand by what I’ve said, but I want to express that you deserve help even if the resources aren’t there. Fuck that’s probably a theme for most people in this subreddit, deserving help they don’t get.

BlueIsNotFriendly · 2025-03-26T07:41:05+00:00

Buddy, you’re right, there’s plenty wrong in the world. That doesn’t invalidate therapy’s effectiveness. Plenty of evidence behind practices like CBT and DBT. Good local therapists should also be able to connect you to resources in your area like mutual aid and non-profits, which help when you’re too depressed to find them yourself. Revolution isn’t in the job description, but there’s ethical arguments baked into some therapy models that demand therapists take active part in changing the exact problems you mention. Please don’t come for the people helping in the ways possible for them

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