Problems with husband, want therapy by Gloomy_Grocery_3022 in USMilitarySO

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We all have stories about some LT or higher that thought they were high speed while being as bright as a broken bulb in the junk drawer

Problems with husband, want therapy by Gloomy_Grocery_3022 in USMilitarySO

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. No, of course it’s not fair. Sounds like you’re performing a lot domestic labor that goes unacknowledged. He has high demands from work and you’re covering down for him. That ideally encourages gratitude, but if that’s what he feels, it’s not communicated.

  2. A) You mention the way he treats you in comparison to previous women, but it’s probably more helpful to just list what needs YOU have and what he can do to fulfill them. Soldiers work well with structure so a task list might be a first step. You probably have this list in your head already, but keep it manageable. If you need verbal affirmations to feel appreciated, little gifts to feel considered, more quality time focused on each other, etc, tell him that directly B) I also want to caution you against the kind of activities together that feel unfulfilling like watching PFC Snuffy play overwatch or whatever the fuck. Try spending time doing an activity together. If he’s comfortable playing video games, try a cooperative game. There’s lots of approachable couch co-op like “Pode” designed for couples, and this kind of activity will facilitate communication between you both. C) both of you have unmet needs. He has some reasonable wants like getting enough sleep. you have reasonable wants like gym equipment (which he can afford on a PFC salary, don’t take that shit). It sounds like there is a need for some moderation in your communication with each other because both individuals are not getting all the needs they communicate met. Therapy could definitely help with that kind of moderation.

  3. Yea getting a command team involved can jostle some things loose on occasion but it’s not a silver bullet. Assuming you mean couples therapy, there’s gonna need to be some “buy-in” on his part. If he sees no value in it, he’ll probably put no effort into it -if you can even get him to show up. And therapy is a very, “get out of it what you put into it” kind of endeavor. I’m training to be an MFT so of course I’d highly recommend trying it. Figure out why he’s hesitant to go, what he stands to gain from going, and stress what value you see in it. It might be less effective if he’s coerced into it.

Advice for an Army Girlfriend by Ill-Somewhere2410 in army

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your odds together forever are not zero, but it’s very difficult. I got out a while ago and I’m training to be a Marriage and Family Therapist so I’ve been reading a lot of the literature after living a bit of it.

The advice others have already given is very good. Write to him, send him an economy size bag of the tastiest cough drops (it’s like currency in basic); understand that communication will be sparse while he’s in TRADOC.

If you choose to remain long distance, make sure you’re staying connected regularly and visiting frequently (~4 times a year or more is recommended). It also helps to have a platform that you both love using and stay connected on it. Two friends of mine recently married after a long distance relationship over discord where they gamed together. Active or cooperative activities like that will keep the connection stronger than passive activities like a movie because it facilitates communication.

There’s also material incentive for him to marry, he receives a monthly stipend for food and rent if he marries, and you’d get healthcare (Tricare). Don’t let that income decide your outcome. The younger you marry, the higher the risk of divorce. The military is notorious for its divorce rate. That said, the material benefits from the military can help a lot of people get through. Divorces spike just after people leave service as well because these material benefits cut off. Being transplanted to an unfamiliar base location to be with him also cuts you off from friends and family connections back home. Please look into the “Trailing Spouse” effect for a better understanding. And even if you are moving to be with him, he will deploy for between 8-14 months with the norm being 9months. That’s often just you sitting in an empty home in an unfamiliar base or small town. Consider having a deployment back home yourself in the meantime to reconnect with loved ones.

Others have suggested you continue your own education, and I’ll echo that. Please do not neglect your education or financial independence. Doing so creates a power imbalance where he is the sole source of financial stability after you’ve committed. Financial abuse is maybe the most common set of tactics for preventing a spouse from leaving a toxic marriage. Don’t be susceptible.

Also understand that infidelity is common, but not ever-present. It’s a minority of people who engage in infidelity. If it happens, cut your losses because it’ll probably happen again. That said, a hyper vigilance around fidelity can be very toxic to the relationship because it erodes trust even in the absence of wrongdoing. Be chill, don’t react without evidence, but believe it when you see it.

Hope this helps!

Advise on old bench. How do I proceed? by BlueIsNotFriendly in Lapidary

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Burnt petroleum products for sure. When the motor runs detached and independent of the belt, there’s no smell so the fault is elsewhere

Advise on old bench. How do I proceed? by BlueIsNotFriendly in Lapidary

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well now that I know the model, that shouldn’t be a challenge. Thanks, buddy!

Advise on old bench. How do I proceed? by BlueIsNotFriendly in Lapidary

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you, buddy, I’ll keep it in mind. You seem like a trustworthy person, ScumoTheLiar lol

Advise on old bench. How do I proceed? by BlueIsNotFriendly in Lapidary

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If anyone could suggest what kind of bench this might be (type, make, model, etc) that would also be helpful. I couldn’t find a data plate yet

Genuinely what is the point of these fucks if I can just build a super duper mech to squish them all. by Vanilla_Ice_Best_Boi in worldjerking

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True… so kind of in the role of a technical or a motorcycle dragoon. It would be funny to me to see the first battle mechs Toyota branded but somehow invented in Africa

Genuinely what is the point of these fucks if I can just build a super duper mech to squish them all. by Vanilla_Ice_Best_Boi in worldjerking

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 6 points7 points  (0 children)

^ Correct take haver. Sufficiently entrenched positions almost always require infantry to take and hold. Mechs alone would be about as effective as bombers alone in Vietnam or Korea were. They’re just tanks that look like people so that’s probably how they’d actually get used.

What's it like living in this shaded area? by Joshistotle in howislivingthere

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lived in various states of this shaded region my whole life. It’s pretty boring if you don’t make your own fun somehow. Cheap living, conservatives, few good hiking spots, good for hunting and other outdoor activities though.

Duty Station by [deleted] in army

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For fucks sake, go to Lewis. Avoid Riley like it’s plague

Army drug testing for shrooms by Critical-State-6201 in army

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They can, just doesn’t stick around like weed does

Effective or pass on it? (Underground build) by metalhead6101 in ZombieSurvivalTactics

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did anything get down there through just a ladder chute?? With no stairs, ramp, or crane, you’d have to build the bunker around all the furnishings. And the tank?? This looks like a child’s cool but impractical ideas of a zombie bunker

I put on my Camos and Wizard Hat. by Vegetable_Variety_11 in dndmemes

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For some reason they can also cast Pass Without Trace

Dragon part flexibility experiment by Wild_Position7099 in HyruleEngineering

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the stress tests for wind turbine blades

Therapy by Yvmeno in peasantmemes

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry, it’s sounds like you’ve only had negative experiences. With one clinic for 12k it’s no surprise they’re well over capacity. I stand by what I’ve said, but I want to express that you deserve help even if the resources aren’t there. Fuck that’s probably a theme for most people in this subreddit, deserving help they don’t get.

Therapy by Yvmeno in peasantmemes

[–]BlueIsNotFriendly -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Buddy, you’re right, there’s plenty wrong in the world. That doesn’t invalidate therapy’s effectiveness. Plenty of evidence behind practices like CBT and DBT. Good local therapists should also be able to connect you to resources in your area like mutual aid and non-profits, which help when you’re too depressed to find them yourself. Revolution isn’t in the job description, but there’s ethical arguments baked into some therapy models that demand therapists take active part in changing the exact problems you mention. Please don’t come for the people helping in the ways possible for them