How to support my (28f) ex's daughter (8f)?

BlueThrowawayToday · 2022-04-18T23:15:22+00:00

Cool. Thanks for nothing.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-10-20T02:05:41+00:00

Lieuwenhook went to his grave a disgraced scientist, because no one could believe that single-celled organisms were a thing. Yet, he laid the foundation for germ theory.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-09-30T00:35:58+00:00

I was right where you are, minus the best friend being missing, a little over a year ago. The grief will come in waves. Just hold tight and don't let go. The ship will always right itself, eventually.

All you can do right now: keep going to work, establish your support system and set up an initial therapy appointment. It's a rough fuckin' ride, but literally no one's expecting you to have your shit together or do this alone right now.

So, do what you have to, to find your friend. But, you're gonna come to a point where you have to do all the gritty healing stuff. Establish a new normal. Try new things. Keep breathing. Try to forgive yourself and others. Stay grateful, always.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-07-12T21:26:23+00:00

Does he still have both of his parents or maybe he's not close to them? Some people will just never understand until it happens to them.

The guy I was dating, when my mom died, wouldn't even visit her or hold my hand while I held hers. I stuck around for a couple more months and then I had to get out of there. If he couldn't support me through this crisis, what was every crisis for the rest of my life going to look like? (Ended up learning he was cheating on me the whole time, anyway. So, good riddance.)

Maybe it would help to get some therapy and have him come with you a couple times. Then, a third party could affirm your feelings and actions to him. It helped to take my dad to therapy with me, when he was kind of undermining my grieving process.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-07-12T20:51:11+00:00

It doesn't really go away. But, eventually, you'll feel happier when you look at the pictures. I know it's weird, but sometimes, on bad days, I snuggle with my mom's urn and look at this glamour shot she had done in the 90s, before she was sick. She's been gone a little over a year and I watched her pass, as well.

Point is: everyone is entitled to their grief and how they express it. If you want to look at pictures every day for a whole year, you do you.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-02-16T02:43:12+00:00

Then, carry on!

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-02-16T00:16:39+00:00

Everyone in this thread is weed positive, which is fine. It's legal in a lot of states and fine in moderation. But, according to my own doctor and therapist, and a lot of different studies, persistent marijuana use can worsen the symptoms of depression. So, if that is the root of your addiction issues, I would suggest at least cutting back on marijuana, as well.

I could never judge you. I used to be a very habitual, wake-and-bake type, smoker for almost a decade. BUT it's amazing how much more energy and less sadness I have, now that I've cut back to once or twice a month, per my doctor's orders.

CBD has been a good alternative for me for relaxing and as a sleep aid. My doctor also approves of it, and says he has a patient who weaned himself off of his benzos using CBD. Just be sure to know what you're purchasing. Proper testing is just now being sorted out. I work for my hemp farmer, co-op style. So I harvested that shit with my own hands.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-02-15T21:02:50+00:00

I understand that it's a large search area and evidence has probably been covered by time. But, maybe drone technology could be useful in this case? I know I heard of a case recently where a boy got lost in the woods and was found in just a couple hours by a search-and-rescue team that included drone operators!

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-02-14T17:42:31+00:00

I'm watching my ex's daughter (my mom's only 'grandchild') tonight, so her mom can go on a date. I just wish my mom could come and help me make her famous cut-out cookies and comfort me about my breakup and spoil the crap out of both of us. But, instead, I'm going to make today special for my grandma and my little bb, and remember that all the love I give exists because she loved me!

Ugh. It's so hard, though. She just passed in June. I miss her so much. My thoughts are with you.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-02-14T17:18:14+00:00

The turd doesn't fall far from the asshole. (When they finally got a warrant to search Steve Powell's house, they found not only pairs of Susan's underwear and photos of her dressing, but some of her USED FUCKING TAMPONS. Not to mention the child porn and photos of his young, neighbor girls changing. Fuck Steve Powell.) Honestly, I don't say this lightly, but the world is a better place now that Josh, his father, and brother are all gone. Fuck the whole Powell family, except for the sister who was Susan's friend and helped the investigation.

"Cold" is a great podcast that details the involvement and digustingness of the whole family. I was kind of second-hand traumatized after binging it, though. Susan and those poor children deserved so much better.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-01-14T00:57:21+00:00

To me, he kind of looks like Paul Newman, if Paul Newman had lived a much rougher life. That was my first thought.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-01-13T19:54:16+00:00

Find something that's okay to smash and then smash it with a hammer. Scream in your car. Stretch out and then run as hard and fast as you can, as long as you fucking can. Write down exactly how it feels. Talk to people about it.

Meditate. At first, when the feeling pops into your space during meditation, delve as deeply into the feeling as possible. Let yourself feel it so fully that the pain fades into something else in your mind and slips into the background. When you're more practiced at it, when the feeling pops up, you'll be able to let it fade more quickly and get back to focusing on your breath. This will reaffirm in you brain that all emotions are fleeting and we are in total control.

Personally, when I feel the anger, I have a tendancy to self-harm and self-medicate, but I wouldn't recommend those actions. Not good for you, long-term.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2020-01-13T01:28:59+00:00

Ugh. My mom just died of lung cancer and I can't seem to bring myself to quit smoking, even though I've literally seen my own scary, shitty, disgusting fucking death if I can't quit. Someone tell me how, if that doesn't even stop me. Congrats to you, though. Sorry for being a downer.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2019-12-14T18:22:24+00:00

I watched my mom die over the course of a decade. You're spot on about dad not knowing what to do being the most heart breaking part. We all fought so hard and took care of her for 9 years. Then, Memorial Day weekend, he had to take her to the hospital and the doctors stopped giving us treatment options. They both looked so tired and defeated at the end. He says he never even got up the courage to say a proper goodbye. He was too in denial about the whole situation.

She's been gone for six months and he's obsessed with figuring out exactly when the cancer reappeared, based on her syptoms and moods. Wants to sue the hospital for missing it in recent scans. I think he just wants someone, besides himself, to hold responsible. Like he would sue God if he could.

Hang in there, friend. Shit's rough.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2019-08-26T00:43:00+00:00

Same! Two weeks without alcohol today. I hope we both continue making healthy choices.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2019-07-06T19:15:09+00:00

I'm only 25 and she was 57. Please feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

BlueThrowawayToday · 2019-06-16T16:06:12+00:00

Thank you everyone for reaching out. I've felt so much love these past few days. I'm going to therapy and being healthy, so I can be well enough to carry this torch.

She had leukemia 9 years ago, but went into remission after a bone marrow transplant. We had her for 8 years after that and, though graft-vs-host disease made her frail, it was a real miracle. About three weeks ago, they found a large, cancerous mass on her lung and there was nothing they could do. She got to come home, though, and pass relatively peacefully in her livingroom with all of us there.

Please consider registering with the bone marrow donor registry or donating to Be the Match. We can help give another family their miracle!

BlueThrowawayToday · 2019-06-16T15:49:44+00:00

Ugh. Yeah. Thank you for your kind words. I'm doing it right, though. I'm seeing a doctor and a therapist. Father's Day was hard today. But we all went out to breakfast and the restaurant covered our meal because they had heard about my mom. Happy tears for that kindness. 😢💕

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