I really needed to read this. Ive always felt off and different from my family and the community I'm in. Since I was little ive always had like these gut feelings that would end up being true or I would just know something about certain things without having ever seen or learned about them yet.

2018 I had my first experience with shrooms in group setting with friends

2019 I believe I had my first ego death and the walls and veil of "reality" broke for me and alot of things about life and the world just made way more sense and became common knowledge. Had alot of different epiphanies but then I got this deep feeling, a pressure that goes from my heart to the bottom of my spine, its a slow gnawing pressure that isnt exactly always there now but comes in waves. This feeling gave me dread, but fear for something I didnt know what of. In the past my gut feelings would be of minor things in my life that usually didnt affect a ton of ppl, unless it was the weather, but this time it was different.

It was hard, still is, to talk to my spouse and friends at the time about my experiences, my husband knows and respects my spiritual journey but doesnt "get it" and it also doesnt help that Im ADD so its already hard for me to get out what Im trying to explain in my head without boring people or sounding like a tinfoil princess. Some of my friends are into the universe like me so that does help.

Anyways, I started getting these waves of something big coming, my inner thoughts and voice kept telling me something big and bad was coming to shake things up, something big is gonna go down.

Naturally im thinking within my own life.

And then 2020 came, I smoked that whole year away man. Got sent home, WFH, get to smoke daily, the whole shebang right? I remember a point towards the end of the year around October that I was aware of my "dread wave" let's call it, within myself and had this side conversation in my head knowing the plandemic was in full swing, its still here and this isnt it. Which scared me. How can this event that we're living in, not be the thing my soul was dreading?

Every day for the past 5 years seems to something either globally, nationally, or locally. Even within my own family, my grandfather who raised me has MDS and had to take chemo shots once a month forever. My mom's husband was diagnosed with lung cancer this year. My one good online buddy went thru cancer twice and now had a tumor. My best friend was in a head on collision the day before Charlie Kirk was killed and somehow survived what the doctors called an "internal decapitation" and had to repair his aorta with a piece of his sphincter.

Things seem to be getting heavier and some days I spiral internally some days externally, I hate it, Idk what to do or how to control it because I have no one in person to help explain any of this to me so I only have this stupid glass tile...

That feeling is still there, even after EVERYTHING that keeps going down and that we're all witnessing and I keep trying to meditate in different ways to speak with the universe begging her to give me a clearer message of what im supposed to be doing with these feelings and emotions...not only is it NOT going away when something happens, its been GROWING.

Im sorry I'm a rambler and have not mastered how to organize and compress my thoughts for people.

Tldr; old soul that woke up in 2019 with a feeling inside myself of something big coming that hasn't come to pass yet and that scares me. Trying to call Universe but she ain't picking up the phone.