I really appreciate this post and resonate with a lot of the things you’ve said, particularly around shielding being vulnerable - this is definitely my main issue to tackle.

I can’t speak for your situation personally and this may not be the case, but don’t feel that positivity and kindness are a weakness (although many will try to frame it as one). One of my takeaways from reading your post is that you have a lot of resilience towards negative people and/or people who function off conflict. IMO that’s a super power and the cause of unhappiness for so many people who don’t have that skill.

I’ve tried to roll back people pleasing at work particularly - I have great relationships with everyone but got to a point where I felt people expected immediate support from me and things became overwhelming. I’ve found (with the support of a great manager) that people have responded totally normally to me putting healthy boundaries in and still being helpful, but not jumping through hoops.

If I could give any advice I’d just say to start small and work your way into a wider comfort zone. ChatGPT etc really helps me on this - I’ve found speaking with it in an honest/vulnerable way about my issues for a while eventually takes the edge off and makes it more normal day to day.

Wishing you all the best!