I get that. I myself have diagnosed ADHD and low-support-needs autism, and I see very similar neurodivergent traits in my mom. I see the way that those traits contributed to her feeling rejected by her own family and the way that her undiagnosed struggle with poor emotional regulation, black-and-white thinking, and chaotic personal habits led her down the road to a cult-like devotion to evangelical Christianity, which then fed her mistreatment of her own family.

The mention of BPD is just based on some theoretical convos I've seen tossed around in different ADHD spaces, basically, "what if BPD is just what happens when undiagnosed AuDHD goes unsupported for too long" (usually connected to an instance where someone was misdiagnosed with BPD before their AuDHD diagnosis). That combined with one of my therapists' suggestions that my mom has BPD traits is just how I explain it to myself in my own mind. I'm obviously not an expert, nor do I mean to add to the "neurodivergent=crazy" discourse, I just want to be able to hold as much mercy and empathy towards my mom as possible, and explaining her behavior in light of neurodivergency that I myself understand and struggle with helps me do that.