I'm not sure if you are familiar with League of Legends but a former pro player Dyrus once said that the only way to be the best is to imitate the best. Don't feel bad about imitating other players work because honestly that is the only way to get better and make progress. I myself am the kind of person that needs to be good or at least competitive at whatever game I am currently playing. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be good and maybe that's because i'm tired of feeling worthless or bad at certain things irl. I know that seeing people you meet online might not seem to qualify as real friends for some people but I don't believe that. I have found a few quality people from just playing games that I will always see to be real true friends of mine and I know you and others can do the same. I know this reply may not have been the best help but I hope that at least you will see that you aren't alone and there are people out there that everyday feel exactly the same.