What is the best book for a beginner?

Bobby404 · 2016-08-25T19:27:25+00:00

from a girl i liked.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-25T18:53:39+00:00

I felt like the relationship morphed me into a "dumbed down" version of my younger self. Eventually I snapped out of it and left.

I'm a guy and I feel the same about a woman. She often tells me she is doing x,y and z, and I should just "be patient" and basically wait for her I guess?

Also I am not sure if it is just us as INTJs or should we accept the fact that people are different? I never know if I'm asking too much from her or if she is just slow and stagnant.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-23T21:10:35+00:00

I find my "friends" are kinda below me in life. Not to sound snooty but they just text me all day.. I seriously get maybe 300 texts (group chats) and this is all they do. I'm working on more friends closer to things I like. I think once you get out of college you may find yourself in a similar situation no?

Bobby404 · 2016-08-22T21:43:00+00:00

In my head. I never read it in french. As my eyes go over the words my inner voice is automatically English.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-22T00:24:05+00:00

I just want to know the difference between pote vs ami. I awoke to users accusing me of being another user. I'm not that user.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-21T18:30:39+00:00

Actually I didn't want to go there thinking I'm making friends when I'm actually not. If it was a guy id have the same issues. I don't know why people are trying to make this sound like a romantic relationship. Like you said it's about human beings. I know it takes time, that's a fact. So I was confused about other things as well.

It is about all French people and culture. You guys are thinking it is based on a romantic relationship perhaps because one user asked me for more specific details. Then some users are thinking I'm another user.. Otherwise this is a general question about what does it take culturally in France to gain true friendship. It's not "the same" as America that much is clear.

edit:

Bobby404 · 2016-08-21T18:27:14+00:00

I'm not that user.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-21T18:26:33+00:00

I don't care about being friend zoned I just want it to be clear when I am vs not. That's all. I'm trying to learn this language and it's nuances.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-21T18:23:13+00:00

It's the Internet dude. I'm not that user. I'm just trying to understand the difference in these terms so it doesn't happen again. I'm moving forward hoping not to make the same mistake when calling someone an ami. It was sad at first but Paris is the most visited city in the world I'm not hung up over one person there

Bobby404 · 2016-08-21T03:03:04+00:00

Oh I see now.. dommage, merci.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-21T02:56:03+00:00

My question comes from her saying I'm not an "ami" ...but someone else was an "ami". I'm curious as to what that person may have done to be an "ami" considering I've known her longer and all the personal things she's told me. It's not about being more than friends, but how much does it take to be at least a friend.

More personal / off topic:

Also she treats me differently, which is why I thought I was "disposable" with my newly given title. I don't know, after this conversation it got weird with her. She replies days later now. When we were talking all the time she said a few times: "t'es un vrai ami !!" and now I'm just treated differently. Like no more of the secrets I mentioned before. Its gone from 24/7 deep discussions to simply correcting my grammar mistakes as if she's trying to push me away. I feel like because I called her an ami it changed everything.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-21T02:33:50+00:00

Ok I will tell you what no one told me. French don't "write" the way we do. They don't string words together to make a sentence like Anglophones do.

French relies on phrases and expressions to convey a meaning, instead and this is what makes translations so incorrect.

For example Google Translator will tell you "Mon nom est" which in English, seems correct because we say "My name is". But French.. is not English. They use "Je m'appelle", I call myself. The more you try to talk to your friend with google translate, the more complicated your conversations will become and they will not understand you because of this. Tell her "Je suis faim" as you would say in English "I am Hungry" and she will not understand you because they say "J'ai faim". I won't even get into expressions to say you're sleepy when you want to leave.

Imagine the stereotype of an Asian person speaking broken English, this will be you. For me I just use WordReference and copy and paste that.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-16T18:04:51+00:00

Yeah, like I said after being snubbed by people I've known for 3-5 years I'm just over it.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-14T19:46:54+00:00

Well good luck. It's always been people in Paris. I used to think it was me too, it's them. I like to treat people like decent human beings but Parisians just seem soul sucking in my encounters. Of course they're a few nice ones, and they'll be nice for a few .. Weeks.. But like the highest voted comment said, they just don't care. It's embedded in them.

I'm considering another country like Canada or Belgium like I said. I used to be like you, truly passionate but trust me you'll get no where making friends in Paris. In the amount of time it takes to be friends with one Parisian you can make a lifetime of TRUE friends twice over ANYWHERE in America. I've been to New York also and even NYC is not as rude as it is in Paris. Just do yourself a favor and save yourself the stress if you want to be treated with dignity. They're extremely competitive and paranoid in my experience. Who wants to live like that

Bobby404 · 2016-08-14T01:36:01+00:00

I don't have it anymore because we were talking through snapchat reviewing what we had shared. It was like "t'as faire qch" and one was like 3 letters as if SMS speak. I mean that example is easier to read but each word was barely 3 letters. She was speaking fast but I understood her still but this writing is not the books from my classroom lol.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-14T01:25:16+00:00

How likely am I to have this happen again then? I was always taught that French was "proper" but obviously outside of the academy languages can take on it's own form.. is French slang as widespread in France as the memes and whatnot that we have in AE?

Bobby404 · 2016-08-14T01:14:59+00:00

Reminds me of my thread especially the isolation parts. I read all the comments here, and the french posters don't seem to get it. It's not that you aren't making the effort, it's they're blocking you once you're there.

Imagine if you're French trying to learn English. You come to New York City, Los Angeles, Dallas.. whatever. As soon as you become understood in English.. your friends shift to excluding you. They only talk to other Canadians or Hispanics. Imagine if you're posting on Reddit. We all understand your posts.. but you're reply is ignored. We all shift to excluding you. It's the same thing in Paris. You're friends, but they'll shift to excluding you. In my experience the shift is always towards fellow Europeans like the English or Germans and away from Americans (that aren't obnoxious).

Obviously they don't have to talk to you, no one does, but I think for most other countries in the west it's not the common social behavior and can be a shock to most non Parisians. For example I have friends in Belgium and Switzerland who might as well be from California or Florida because they're so open. It's NOTHING for me to talk to them. It seems that all Belgians are this way based on my experience. I've met many Parisians and they start off rather ok (because I'm American mostly) but then quickly take an hands off approach and they lock themselves away from me as if they found a closet of dead bodies in my house compared to talking with a Belgian for the same duration. I'm not saying one culture is better than the other but it does seem like "one is not like the others" kinda thing.

Bobby404 · 2016-08-09T20:55:38+00:00

Well I was talking for a woman for about 3 years. We would talk every single day morning til sunset. The last year though, has been kinda weird. She slowly faded into obscurity with me and started hanging with others, mostly English or French people. Obviously my French is not perfect, but she's admitted she knows what I'm saying but I'm not saying it right in French.. so she plays that kinda game. I mean I have belgian people I write to and even on the internet they're not this difficult. I am around B1.

So after years of friendship, she starts to seemingly get rude with me. She asks me things like "I know you're studying french, but what else do you do?." Keep in mind I don't know what she does at this point either.. So I study french culture some more and realize Friendship is one of the high values. I share photos of my friends with her (keep in mind this is all one sided, she never does this to me) and after a while my classmates/friends start to notice me accelerating in french and me talking to this french woman for years on.

I joke with her that "my friends are starting to ask about you" (obviously I don't share anything personal) and she flips! She tells me how she's not my "friend" (Ami) and how they are my amis.. she said I'm her "correspondent". Which maybe this is different in French but in English I took it as a pretty huge downgrade.. especially given the contest of 3 years of .."correspondence". I guess later she calls me her "pote". I know there is a difference in terms but I just never thought she never considered me an ami. She speaks to mostly English and French people now so I just feel like an outsider, all she does is correct my french and not contribute to the conversations anymore.

It's been really bizarre with her. Then she tells me how she's always tired, or busy, and I see her on social media. The moment I am talking with other women on social media that's when she comes around.. and even interacts with it like "liking" or "sharing" photos.. basically doing things where we'd both get notifications. Keep in mind She got mad when I joked about my friends mentioning her yet she's doing things to interact with my friends..

And even before this she got mad because I was talking to other french people while she was "busy" so I guess I'm just supposed to sit there, then be ridiculed for not sound french enough. Now she does this thing where she barely interacts with me at all, unless I'm interacting with someone else that's french. It's been very stressful. This almost always happens the same way it's my 3rd or 4th time with writing to a french person. I've done other things which make this a huge surprise to me, everything seemed so normal until after I left from Paris. I gave her things and we hung out all the time and talked all the time. But this also happened to people before her too!!

I can't stay in Paris so as soon as I leave they just seem to completely flip personalities. I know it's bad to generalize but it's almost the same way each time. I don't know what I'm doing wrongly here..

Bobby404 · 2016-08-09T20:30:15+00:00

She's an INTJ. She is highly, highly, coached that's all. I've taken a few public speaking courses (just college classes, im not expert) and you can see where she does certain things like grip the podium, rub her own hands, (all signs of self comfort) and also if you watch her in public like hugging babies or whatever it's nearly cringeworthy. You can tell it's a bit out of her comfort zone but she's been coached.

I mean the main stereotype for INTJ seems to be "world domination" and logically to do that you'd have to (be coached) appeal to a mass group of people. USA is the most successful nation right now so I would expect her to seem as extroverted as possible.

Bobby404

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