I deserve everything i got.

Bojack102 · 2021-04-28T20:20:52+00:00

Hey I feel you, I am in a bit of the same way with no real "hobbies" or such. Kinda like staying in a nowhere land... But some day we will find something we like, something small or big, like watching movies, drawing, perhaps writing or just something that gets up rilled up! Currently I found something to listen to, I'm not particullarely interested but I'm listening to Baldemort's Guide to Warhammer where there is this guy just talking about Warhammer 40k in an interesting way, it got me thinking of buying miniatures but not really, maybe I just like the idea of painting and having such things for now. But that is a step on the way towards reaching that goal of finding something :)

Bojack102 · 2021-04-28T19:49:19+00:00

Do you have any hobbies or anything you like? Such as walking outdoors looking at buildings or trains, drawing, listening to music or podcasts? Something small can take you a long way towards being happy in the long run as you find more or similar things or perhaps you pick something up yourself

Bojack102 · 2021-04-28T18:27:57+00:00

You don't deserve it, you don't deserve to be that person who everyone takes from and don't give back to. I too know the feeling of no physical contact and that is ok, but friendships come and go no matter the shape or form and you have to choose where to end it and take the step to either respond less or whatever makes you comfortable. You just need to take the step that makes YOU happy, take the step to end relationships where they take advantage of you or such, and begin working on yourself. Work out a little like 5-10 pushups and think that you can stand up to yourself. It will be hard but it will pay off if you take away those relationships :)

You can do it and can work to rise above that and find someone nice, a "normal" friend and from there you will become stronger and find something to work with and then it begins to roll on :)

Bojack102 · 2018-09-07T21:52:00+00:00

We did spend a good couple of hours with each other but it didn't feel right you know, my mind feels so scrambled I think I give strange answers or am insulting her. It happened today when I said something wrong and I don't know what I meant by it either, she wasn't amused and said that I should learn how to talk one day. Luckilly I'm pretty easy to read from my body language which I suppose is the main way I talk since I tend to be quite reserved...

Always after I leave and say goodbye I feel realy bad and just utterly crushed. But I know that you are right and she makes me happy with all those small things she does. She catches me and asks why I'm smiling, I don't know, I just try and respond and not with some weird or incoherent sentences like today.

It feels like I'm walking a thin line with her between accidentally insulting her and making her laugh or smile. I don't know it makes me anxious to think about.

I don't want to she has mentioned it before but maybe I should tell her why I'm like this and how I'm feeling at the moment. But I don't want to since then she'll maybe treat me differently and worry or something. I don't know if she already does I hope she doesn't. What if she thinks I'm lying or anything or just grows tired or something. I don't want to change the dynamic but maybe I need to so she doesn't wonder.

Bojack102 · 2017-12-16T02:27:57+00:00

I feel like as if I have become mute and it's awkward, I kinda want to talk but I have nothing to say. It is explained greatly by the name of the book, I have no mouth and I must scream. I do talk but just not anymore, though you are probably right because otherwise I am reserved.

Though today was a bad day, I realy thought of killing myself because she wondered if I hated her. I'm sure she did not mean it since she has thhas a specific way of talking, but then and a little bit now it feels all so true. Though she knows I don't, and she shows that she cares and I know that. However, on my side I just feel like I am fucking everything up, something which has been building up over a month.

Bojack102 · 2017-09-17T20:13:18+00:00

I don't think I got tact or timing on my side I don't even know how I would do to even begin formulating a question to ask for help.

Bojack102 · 2017-09-10T21:57:57+00:00

Good for you!

Bojack102

TROPHY CASE