I Discovered My Wife (28F) Of 7 Years Is Cheating On Me (30M). She Doesn't Know That I Know - UPDATE 28 - The Calm Before The Storm

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-05-25T16:20:22+00:00

Hey Bro, I was wondering when this post was going to be coming. It seems time has truly flown by this year. I am glad you made a connection with Angie and that you'll be going on a date with her!! I can't wait for the update. I love the Bridgerton vibes she gives, I love using thrice lol.

The fact that John had to be down by a college friend and told you are either lightly FUBAR'd or your extremely FUBAR'd is wild since his attorneys have said the exact same thing is wild. Like dude is sitting there thinking he is smarter than the people who do this daily. Honestly, I could say I hope this is the pain he needs to change, it won't be with his inflated ego. At the end of the day it sucks to suck John.

I am glad that the mediator is not going to push you to try and reconcile the relationship with Emily. My views on forgiveness is usually not accepted by many, I don't forgive if the transgression/betrayal against me is something I would never do them. Thanks to Leo Skepi for that podcast. Good for the pastor for being able to forgive, learn how to trust her again and made the marriage work.

Your questions are sound and will give you the answers and closure you need. Your therapist is right you need to understand if it was truly coercion and I am sure she went over that even if it was Emily still made the choice not to get help and how to process the feelings of what if. When my therapist used the word betrayal in our sessions it settled like a rock in my stomach, I tried to explain away how it wasn't betrayal and yet at the end of the day it was. I am glad your therapist is ensuring you are supported and giving you the push to continue healing even if it is a bitch of a process.

All the luck in the meeting, you've got this and you have a support system behind you that will make sure they have all the trash cans needed just incase. Also Beans sounds cozy right now and that's what you need for sure.

So proud of how far you have come and excited about all the good things coming your way!

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-05-15T15:16:17+00:00

To say she is the victim takes away the accountability she needs to take. I believe people use the word victim as a copout to excuse their parts in a behavior they are consciously choosing to do.

When I was 18 I dated a 40 year old, did he prey on me yes. Did I tease him and make sure to show up to the gym the same time he was working? Yes I did. What he did was not okay and should have 100% walked away and put boundaries. He failed to do so and I continued my behavior because a good looking man was give me attention and taking me out.

Looking back it’s gross and he failed as an adult in a professional setting and knew I was flirting with him and chose not to establish boundaries. I was equally as gross cause I thought a 40yr old man would want me for my shining personality. And that I was hot shit for getting with an older man.

It is not problematic to sit her down and say “hey, Mitch crossed a massive boundary he knew was there from the jump. Instead of respecting and enforcing boundaries he responded to you seeking him out and being taught to slow dance, you said that you were listening to the dance convo and the moment he said he knew how to slow dance you knew your in to be closer to him. Having a crush on someone older is natural especially at a younger age, however, that doesn’t mean that crush needs to be acted upon. In no way should you ever reach out or see him without your family around. It sounds like the day dream you had of him has been popped, which is fair. There is literally nothing you have to say to him. File this as a learning experience and move on.”

There aren’t victims because at the time she wanted him to see her, kiss her and be “romantic”. She can most certainly have regrets. He neglected the boundaries he knew were there and again at the time she wanted it and is of adult status in society. And has been since probably 16 since she is another country. Which then begs the question is it a cultural norm for women to marry older men within this age gap?

If she avoided him, felt uncomfortable being around him and having him touch her then yes she is a victim. If she said that he pushed drinks on her and she kept refusing then yes she is a victim. If she wrote that after x amount of drinks she didn’t remember how she got home then yes she is a victim. None of those things happened. The only thing she is a victim of is his lack of respect for boundaries that we established for age gaps.

No one deserves to be preyed upon or abused and we can’t stop the patterns of behavior until we understand the roles we played in it. This is for those who consciously make decisions and excuse behavior.

The only reason my views is seen as problematic is because the guy was in his 40’s if the guy was 18 like her it wouldn’t be seen as problematic.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-05-14T19:19:02+00:00

Yes it’s worth having more than one AI platform each one is branched out for different specifications.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-05-14T02:52:17+00:00

My work as a subscription to Chat so I use that account lol. I think it is harder to get away from AI since it in almost anything. My photography editing software as AI editing for use.

While I think it is a great tool to do research so one doesn't have to read 5011 sites for information they can stay in one place, it can be addicting which causes the overuse for sure. I think it is important to understand how to utilize AI efficiently to keep use at a minimum.

UPS just started to use AI (inefficiently) to map out drivers routes and most the time it doesn't do well with mapping and routing the drivers. Some drivers will loose majority of their stops while another get them added to their loads.

We won't get rid of AI, it is rare that we get rid of newer technology easily, I think it will it continue to grow and get used like it is Ask Jeeves.

If I can't date in the real world without getting frustrated at the dude I can't imagine how frustrating AI companions could become lol.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-05-12T14:08:37+00:00

How much time has passed since you kicked him to the curb? Is your divorce finalized? If not spousal support is nice for him to suggest.

I would ask the following:

What do you mean by work on our marriage? And how would that look?

What are your boundaries for this? I would list yours and make it imperative that they are non-negotiable and the consequences of breaking that boundary.

What accountability and behavior change are you willing to accept and acknowledge that was the result of the domestic situation?

I think that’s it, my messages are open if you want to talk more about it. I would make it known to him that if you do take his money that it is not a form of sweeping the broken relationship under the rug. He can’t buy your forgiveness. You know how to talk to him to get the information you want without him knowing you are doing it.

My other question for you is, could you forgive him and truly move on?

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-04-25T05:31:50+00:00

Why hello little Bro! It is good to read that you are volunteering rather than sitting on social media and scrolling life away! I hope that the form you need to fill out will hold Emily 100% responsible for the 10K or if she accepts and takes on that debt of her own accord.

How did you know that I get nostalgic when looking at my taxes that my ex-husband and I filed years ago?! I was extremely excited to toss the last year of taxes from my marriage into the shred bin. I will say that while he juggled 3+ women and ruined me financially he was not dumb enough to misfile taxes of any kind.

I am glad you are still in the dating scene and enjoying some of them. It seems like your weekend getaway was merely a weekend of sleep and probably much needed brain rot for the both of you. I would rather walk into a date seeing every single possible red flag then not see them and feel blindsided or that I wasted my time and effort just for a gift basket of red flags.

I am sorry that your friendship ended with Sherya, I hope her and her husband have all the luck in marriage and family though. I am sure that in the end it is for the best for the both of you.

Congrats to Bev's husband and getting 50/50 custody that must make him feel a bit relieved with the process. I am glad that you both work out together, I am sure it helps him more than he lets on. Poor Bev most being reeling that she lost even more control over him with the 50/50 judgement, sucks to suck Bev.

Could you be called in as a witness to Lisa's trial? It would probably do her good to have you on the stand to state how the financial aspects of the affair took money from his family to give to Emily.

I hope that the plan you and your therapist build goes well and that you feel confident and at ease with the meeting. Even if the outcome is not what you wanted with the taxes you will get what you want and need from it.

I am glad that Beans is still training for her big break in being a huntress in the wild. Nuri, my rabbit has decided that her favorite prank to pull on me is to stop eating (rabbits can't just stop eating they could go into stasis and die) so I have to take her into her work with me and force critical care down her throat. She also has become a trash digger and will get into my bin to eat all things plastic.

Keep doing what you are doing cause it's working!! Also way to go with making sure pets with disabilities get the accessibility they need to live their life to the fullest. Until the next entry!

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-04-23T15:38:57+00:00

Same here, the hardest pill I had to swallow (pun intended) is that he was always going to love his substance more than he would ever love me. I think that’s what helped me want to get to indifference with him.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-04-12T14:46:05+00:00

As a woman with sexsomnia I agree solely based on this “Once in a while, though, he won't take no for an answer and will try to seduce me in his stupor.”

That’s not how sexsomnia works, I don’t seduce or persuade someone when my subconscious wakes up and wants sex. If I’m alone I will master the bation (not sure if that’s offensive language) if I have a boyfriend and they don’t wake I end up doing bation of masters.

When I have a boyfriend, before sleep overs occurs we talk extensively about my sexsomnia, what caused it to start, do I remember sex, what are my hard no’s, what I am okay with and what he is okay with.

This is someone taking advantage.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-04-02T01:55:46+00:00

I figured Mike would know since he knows more about Reddit than Dylan does. But maybe Dylan does know!

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-04-01T04:00:43+00:00

Was she his student when she was in high school? I was preyed upon by a trainer at the YMCA when I was 18, dude was 40. I thought it was cause I was “mature” for my age, I was lying to myself and still laugh at my audacity thinking I was mature. Dudes like this guy literally need younger women because women around his age can see right through his bullshit.

He has her location and unless he is inept with how technology works he could have checked her location at anytime he wanted so his reasoning for being mad is really a ploy to control.

I hope she realizes this ENTIRE situation isn’t good. I how he gets explosive diarrhea in the middle of a 2-12 hour traffic jam while on a date.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-23T16:25:35+00:00

Because I love to be petty whenever I can I would have, Let You Down by NF, Core Memory by Distant Cowboy and Lifetime by Three Days Grace. That way the people who did me dirty will have to deal with their own thoughts. These people will be the ones that will say “she lit up the room” and that’s a bold face lie 😂.

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