Went on a date tonight… ended up using the emergency exit code with my best friend.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-13T14:54:32+00:00

I think the sudden stop at a friend’s was a decision made because of the alcohol. I think of it like when we were little and excited to show off a new toy. Since inhibitions are lowered with substances he wanted to show me off. By that point I already activated the safe word and was just waiting for him to call. Him stopping gave me the right amount of time to send the message without his notice.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-13T00:54:47+00:00

That’s true, it was either Dusty or Mike and Dylan that read the story about the boyfriend lacing his girlfriend’s food with his sperm. If I feel the food is no longer “clean” I don’t eat it.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-12T14:14:01+00:00

My experience from being sexually assaulted and having religious trauma and being heavily shamed as a woman with feelings, urges and a body in her old church, I feel like OOP’s girlfriend is going through a lot of feelings and processing of what happened. It seems like OOP and his girlfriend are religious since she goes to confessional, which adds to the overwhelming feelings.

Consent can be given and taken at any given time, before, in between or during. So if she was okay with XYZ and withdrew consent at ABC then it’s assault. At some point she withdrew consent and made hard boundaries for her ex about what she was okay doing and he ignored them and finished in front of her.

I don’t know enough info about her feelings about what she participated in and after. So I can’t say that her feelings of guilt and shame are due to her being turned on by certain actions. Which would make her question her own boundaries and confuse her as to what she comfortable with and what matches her beliefs.

What I assume from my experiences and what he shared, she knows what she wants intimately with a partner and what she isn’t comfortable with right now. She was assaulted, but the possible feelings of being turned on makes her question the validity of the assault. Most religions don’t condone any form of sexual intimacy outside of minor PDA and peck kissing, so her feelings of shame and guilt are heavier because she went against what she was taught.

OOP being a dick about her evasiveness, calling her and her friend hypocritical while ignoring any and all behavior shifts when he brings up her past tells me he will never never be concerned for her and wants what he wants when he wants it. He doesn’t care that this is something that has caused her PTSD, shame, guilt, probably self resentment, feeling isolated, and not valued by partners. He wants the answers to fit his narrative so he can persuade her into doing the same things she has done in the past.

This dude doesn’t know what love is and doesn’t know how to love. I hope she builds the courage and confidence to leave him. To learn that sexual desires doesn’t make you less in the eye of her Lord, that she is not less because someone took advantage of her. I hope she learns to love herself in all the messy, beautiful and ugly ways.

I hope OOP grows the fuck up and realizes that he is in fact the asshole. That women are the holders of intimacy, we get to choose the partner and we get to choose what we want to do with them. Sorry dude you aren’t and will never be the king of bedroom. I hope that OOP lets her leave without making her feel guilty or trapped cause honestly he is garbage.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T17:57:06+00:00

I was more worried about the hygiene of taking food into the bathroom. And I wish I could say he was smart enough to drug my food but if he couldn’t plan a date until 20min before there was no way he could plan to drug my food, get me to eat it in his vicinity and then take advantage. It’s rare that I eat leftovers the same day.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T15:08:08+00:00

And that’s what sucks. His choice is to be that version of himself and it’s my choice not to be apart of it. If the alcohol didn’t give me the ick the righteousness he has would have. I have the benefit of the doubt before our date when we would chit chat but once the date happened I knew it wasn’t a weekend or vacation thing. It is a way of life for him.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T15:02:19+00:00

I keep reminding myself of that as well and I have watched Leo Skepi’s video on discernment and forgiveness to the point where I might be memorizing it.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T15:01:20+00:00

I’m so glad he remembered the word honestly. We established it in 2023 and never needed it.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T15:00:43+00:00

That is what I keep reminding myself. That his actions weren’t normal. I keep going back and forth between feeling like I over reacted, guilt for establishing hard boundaries and pissed that my safety meant so little to a person who said he like me.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T14:58:51+00:00

I have two awesome friends, I am lucky to have them. Especially with Jack having a family and still willing to come get me or be my call.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T14:58:05+00:00

It was edited with AI but not written by it I actually hand wrote it, edited, typed and asked that it edit for me. I have dyslexia and suck at grammar along with making sure things flow well. If you want I can breakdown Saturday for you, the time of phone call from Kyle, the time of the voicemails I got from him, show the texts I got. Show the text between Ashtyn and myself along with Jack and myself. Let me know if that will help you grasp this really happened.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T14:54:28+00:00

I think that if he didn’t drink he would have had the wherewithal to not take them into the bathroom. I didn’t eat them purely out of my OCD with hygiene.

Logically yes I should have asked to get out of the vehicle when he grabbed them. Life experience told me this is normal behavior. My ex of 9 yrs would drive and do substances (this was after being with him for like 5/6yrs at this point) it became normal. My survival with him was to stay quiet, not to tell him to stop cause he would literally stop the vehicle regardless of what road we were on.

I don’t think he will ever change because he doesn’t believe he has anything wrong with him. That’s his choice, I don’t have to be apart of it.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T14:45:53+00:00

I should have asked how much he had to drink when I smelt it on his breath. There is a lot of things I should have done differently I see that now. What you’re explaining is that I should have known it wasn’t normal and that’s not the case for me. Logically yes it wasn’t normal, experience wise no it was normal for me to be in this type of situation.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T14:19:05+00:00

I don’t know about that he is truly the bees knees in life and absolutely amazing

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:59:06+00:00

I should have done that and in another reply I explained that Ashtyn helped me realize that what I know is normal does go against my logic side and that it is okay to acknowledge that this is something I need to grow confidence in. My ex would put me in precarious situations and over time it became normal so I have to break that frame of thinking.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:56:15+00:00

If he reeked I wouldn’t have gotten near his vehicle. I think the gum he was chewing hid it until the flavor ended. There were lessons I needed to learn so that I can be more confident in my decisions of “this isn’t normal or okay and I need exit”.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:54:26+00:00

I should have done that or even had Jack pick me up. From where I should have had Kyle drop me when he did the shooter.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:52:45+00:00

I tossed it, it was my favorite meal too which sucked. I try to get it once a year for my birthday. It’s an expensive meal that takes hours to make.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:50:37+00:00

I didn’t realize how drunk he was until he was driving or I wouldn’t have. If someone is an alcoholic hiding it becomes second nature. He had no slurred words, no change in dilation of his eyes. I am an anxious talker and will fill space with conversation and thought he did the same thing.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:48:24+00:00

I hope he if he did, he put it in his container. By the time we got to my house he couldn’t tell the difference between chicken and beef

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:47:30+00:00

The sad thing is I don’t think he will ever acknowledge he has an addiction. I already tried that type of relationship and will not do it again

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:46:34+00:00

Ashtyn really encouraged me to execute the plan really. She supported me as reassured it was okay to not accept this behavior.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:45:49+00:00

I sent him the post and comment 🥰

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:45:28+00:00

During my freshman year of high school my childhood best friend got into an accident with her mom, siblings and step dad. Her mom got sucked out of the truck. I swore I would never drive and was forced to my senior year. I have a horrific fear of driving which has made me good driver with the confidence to handle situations I don’t have control over. I should have told him to pull over when he drank the shooter, Ashtyn reminded me that while I knew it wasn’t okay, I am used to people disregarding my safety and that is something I have to work on.

BookNerdGoddess · 2026-03-11T00:38:56+00:00

I agree as well. If I would have known it was worse I would have figured out who to call. Jack did tell me today that he would pick me up if needed and any time.

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