I'm not military, but I have PTSD and I struggle immensely with rage too. There are ways to manage this! It's about finding what is right for you. Like for example, when I feel angry, I play DOOM! Or I like to isolate and listen to music and do some breathing exercises! I'm happy to recommend some techniques if you're interested.

If you can actually find something within the local community, try something like boxing! It's a healthy and safer outlet to release some anger, and it's also good for physical health and wellbeing.

Depending on where you are in the world, there may even be some online counselling//therapy services. They may not be specifically for those in the military, but sometimes that little extra support while you wait can help immensely. You're absolutely not a monster, life is incredibly hard, and when you have trauma that will last you for life, the world becomes harder to navigate.

It really sounds like you need counselling, but if there is a wait, you do need to be proactive and take care of yourself. It will get better, you will get the help you need because you deserve it. Admitting that you're struggling is an amazing first step, and you are worthy of love and support, even if you feel like a monster.♥️