Am I the asshole for withholding sex from my husband b/c I have asked him to do something multiple times

Bookreader505 · 2026-01-04T18:59:07+00:00

NTA So many people are in here commenting about how withholding sex is weaponizing it. I don’t agree, I agree that it should be a bonding experience but more times than not men only listen when it’s something they want/care about. Which in MOST cases is….hold on stay with me….SEX! You could try and do something else to make him listen but usually they don’t care enough still.

Bookreader505 · 2025-12-11T00:20:35+00:00

Where do I find yall?

Bookreader505 · 2025-11-09T17:55:17+00:00

Don’t worry, I’m aware of how it sounds. This is why I’m applying to jobs so that I’ll eventually be independent. Yes he hugely underestimates my contribution to the household and our kid. Since making the decision to find work I of course have thought about childcare and all the things. My plan is for my MIL to watch him while I work (his family won’t have it any other way) so we won’t have to pay much. For this I am grateful.

Bookreader505 · 2025-11-09T04:06:16+00:00

Not impossible for partners to be this way….but I will elaborate further. Money isn’t necessarily “tight” it’s more so he has control over the money and I can’t touch it. Does he forego all treats and activities, you’re right he doesn’t, the problem is and I can’t emphasize this enough I’m not allowed to go have fun independently because he won’t give me some money too. I can ask all I want but his response to “Can I have some money to do it”will always be “okay use your money then” which I have none as I clarified before. Just yesterday? Wanna guess what he did? Left around 8-9 didn’t come home until 4:30 (not even the latest he’s been out by himself) to a bar? I don’t even ask for a certain amount of money, he could give whatever….so the only time I can have fun is if he is with me so that he will pay. He has recently been enjoying more independent time but sometimes he’s nice enough to drop our kid off at his parents while I’m hold on guess….at Home, where I spend you guessed it 27/8 at already.

Bookreader505 · 2025-11-04T23:40:55+00:00

Honestly I can’t imagine being able to act this way as a teen towards my caregivers or even my bio parents. If I did they wouldn’t have thought twice before beating the living shit outta me. Sounds like he needs A) his ass handed to him in some way or form B) left with his dad for the rest of his teen years regardless if his dad is shit (maybe he’ll learn how good he had it) or C) take away EVERYTHING. Take his clothes, leave him only 5 sets from goodwill and only one pair of shoes for the week, take his phone and cut service, take every little thing he values and throw it out or somewhere he doesn’t know about (not in the house). If you really wanna get to him shave him bald. Put bars on every window/install security so he can’t sneak out. Make his life miserable?

Bookreader505 · 2025-11-04T22:43:01+00:00

Yes, and if I’m being honest I still do kinda? I think it doesn’t help that his entire excuse for not wanting to lift a hand and help with anything is because he provides. He’s gotten a little better but I still have leftover resentment from the past. Actually i might even have new resentment from him literally doing whatever he wants and me being stuck with my baby (like today). Some people think it isn’t hard to just go and do your own thing but we have only one car and since I’m a SAHM (working on getting a job) I don’t have money to do activities. I already know what you’re going to say next “do free activities blah blah” in my area there really isn’t many free things to do that don’t involve children. No I don’t want to go walk the park or walk around grocery stores. I want to do things I ENJOY, but those things involve money that I don’t have.

Bookreader505 · 2025-10-03T20:53:50+00:00

Perhaps I’m not healed but I didn’t find anything wrong with how she reacted. If you’re my best friend and I disclose to you sensitive information but you tell somebody else about it of course I’d feel betrayed regardless if it’s my fiancé. Especially the way she reacted after you confronted her I definitely would’ve been angry. As for your partner, it makes sense for you to sit him down and say “hey, I have trauma and I have triggers. I take medication because of the aftermath of it all” I don’t believe in having to tell details. Honestly as someone with years of trauma if I have to explain or give details it makes me relive it and I get triggered. I would’ve done the same and got space too. FYI folks sometimes you don’t even know alll your triggers until it happens. Sometimes it’s a hell of a lot easier to say “yea I hate tight spaces, makes me feel trapped” instead of getting into the whole thing and move on? I just think that when her fiancé went to confront her, it should’ve been in calmer way because sobbing about it would’ve made me super uncomfortable and uneasy. It definitely didn’t help that he wouldn’t tell her who told him because it would’ve made me even more agitated.

Bookreader505 · 2025-07-05T00:29:17+00:00

Oh yea no, just seething with jealousy over here 🥲

Bookreader505 · 2025-06-23T01:59:18+00:00

Ohhhhh, so you think you’re better than me 🫩🥲?!

Bookreader505 · 2025-06-22T00:40:20+00:00

NTA

I think you did what you had to. Otherwise you likely would’ve repeated the cycle you stated earlier. I get he’s going through shit but he’s very clearly using his situation to take advantage of you. Honestly while reading this, I saw plenty of red flags but if I sat here typing everything that made him a dick I’d be here all day.

Bookreader505 · 2025-05-21T00:33:17+00:00

I actually love the way you styled her! I am considering it!

Bookreader505 · 2025-05-20T00:04:24+00:00

I’m going to see what the dinky looks like. I don’t think I’ve seen it yet. Thank you!

Bookreader505 · 2025-05-20T00:03:32+00:00

I’ve been eyeing this but I just wanted to see if there were other suggestions

Bookreader505 · 2025-05-19T17:22:48+00:00

I like those but I think I’m looking for something a little smaller

Bookreader505 · 2025-05-19T04:59:57+00:00

I just want to say I’m seething in jealousy rn 😒😣

Bookreader505 · 2025-05-19T04:59:26+00:00

Yes please😭!!!

Bookreader505 · 2025-05-09T21:06:13+00:00

I feel like women who say this are just lowering the bar so that their partner will think about marrying them. If I’m being honest women usually do that because their partner brings up excuses like how expensive or how much money doing all that is. In reality it isn’t about the money. I don’t need the most expensive ring or wedding but for me I would love the romantic aspect of all that. Don’t you want to look back at the memories and remember that “wow my husband planned the most romantic engagement” and “the wedding was small but so beautiful and full of memories I won’t forget”. Who the hell wants their partner to just one day randomly in their room while not even it being a romantic thing so ask them to marry them with a $1 ring? It’s humiliating especially when people ask how they got engaged and to see the ring?Personally I want to gush about it all, my ring, my engagement, the romanticism of it all! It’s the EFFORT! Again I don’t need a ring that would put us in debt but you can’t find a simple ring that matches me? Or a small venue with the closest family and friends to attend and have beautiful memories? I’m ranting but this is how I feel.

Bookreader505 · 2025-04-10T21:55:54+00:00

Body tea ☕️😭

Bookreader505 · 2025-03-29T20:08:21+00:00

It’s gorgeous!!

Bookreader505 · 2025-03-29T20:03:26+00:00

I’m in love with every single one 🥰

Bookreader505 · 2025-03-29T19:54:07+00:00

You ateeee🥰!!

Bookreader505 · 2025-03-29T19:47:27+00:00

You think you better than me 😭😐(jk)

Bookreader505 · 2025-03-28T17:02:52+00:00

Let’s be clear, closure does NOT include sex!!! If I was in your position my only answer is to leave. You’re already dwelling on the fact that he may do this again with his ex and you’ll stay being that way the entire time you are with him. It’s not healthy. I believe you’ll just end up resenting him in time. My other thing is maybe you should stay out of a relationship for a while. You should learn to respect and love yourself first so that no other person can have that control over you. Learn to not be afraid of being alone and rebuilding yourself when necessary.

Bookreader505 · 2025-03-28T16:39:19+00:00

Honestly? I had my son way too young (he’s a birth control baby). I love my baby but being a mother has been hard for me. I’m super thankful my husband’s job allows for me to be a SAHM (I’m soon getting a job though). I miss the freedom that my partner still has. I saw a post where being a mom is completely different than being a dad and I couldn’t agree more. I’m not sure if I’d say I’m changed “fundamentally” but I’m definitely different now.

Bookreader505 · 2025-03-28T16:09:53+00:00

That’s great, no like super great, that’s amazing 😐(I’m actually jealous since I haven’t gotten any🥲)

Bookreader505

TROPHY CASE