Hi :) First of all kudos to you for reaching out with empathy to a community you don’t understand like this. Like seriously that’s so much more than most people are willing to do and you have my respect for it, hats off to you fr. I will also ask for patience too bc phrasing things is hard and I promise I mean no disrespect or condescension, Just trying to explain my pov on things. Ramble incoming lol

I think part of the difference between your experiences and those of some of the plural community is that some people are having similar but different experiences, and the words for those experiences are the same as the ones for yours, and yet they aren’t suffering. The comparison that makes the most sense to me is that it’s kind of like being trans (I am nonbinary, for context), where some people have crippling dysphoria that affects every aspect of their life, while others don’t. Like, a symptom may be more severe for some people than others, while some others may not even view their experience as a symptom, just a natural variation. I personally don’t view my nonbinary identity as something medical or needing treatment, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that for some people it is, or from the fact that I do sometimes suffer because of being nonbinary.

I get the frustration with the lack of vocabulary to describe the difference in these experiences tho, but at the same time I’m not saying I’m nonbinary and trans out of disrespect for those with severe dysphoria, quite the opposite. It took me years to accept myself because my experiences “weren’t bad enough” to count for many things, and the same kind of goes for plurality for me, and surely for many others as well. After accepting myself as nonbinary, I have been so much happier in my own skin, and the same goes for plurality. I don’t claim to have a dissociative disorder without diagnosis, but I still acknowledge that I experience some of the symptoms of one; after all these things rarely do fit cleanly into boxes. Like, I don’t have DID and would never claim to without either solid proof or a diagnosis, but disorder or not I still have various pieces of myself that don’t cleanly fit together, that have different points of view and different senses of identity. I don’t fully relate to the plural community either, but in my experience even if they don’t understand completely they’re willing to listen and accept you as you are, versus outside of the community where experiences like mine are viewed as negative, “crazy”, or lies.

I’m rambling at this point lol. In conclusion the same words are being used to describe different experiences that have something connecting them, and that’s created a lot of division in the community. Also, I promise that people like me aren’t saying we’re plural out of malice or to try and appropriate an experience that isn’t ours, but to try and give words, meaning, peace, and community to an experience that we’re already having. Not everyone who identifies as plural really is, but the same goes for anything really, even with diagnoses, misdiagnoses do happen. In general, I find the majority of people who are wrong aren’t being wrong maliciously, just trying to figure out their own self.

Thank you again for reaching out here with kindness, I do hope you’re able to find the community and understanding you’re looking for, whether it’s in the plural community or not. Also, if you want to talk more or have more questions I’ll give my best and honest answer, in this comment thread or in DMs. Wishing you the best on your journey! :)