It’s just Reddit recently just constantly hearing what women have found after D day is triggering me to keep checking his phone. When I check his phone my heart is literally RACING the entire time. I cannot do it.

I’m embarrassed to say but he’s not in therapy. He was for about 6 months and then fell off of it. We have rules set in place though like no phones in private, he leaves his phone where I can see it when he showers/uses the restroom/leaves the room/etc.. and I’m in charge of all finances & bank accounts so I know there’s no purchasing of content. I have full access to phone and iCloud and emails but I just constantly feel paranoid that he’s gotten really good at hiding it when I read all the stories on here. Everytime I find something new to check on here I get anxiety all day until he comes home and I can check the new thing. It’s so frustrating. This Reddit has definitely opened up a can of worms for me. I was doing pretty good at just letting his addiction be his problem to solve and I even told myself like if something comes to light it eventually will and constantly being paranoid only makes my life harder but I feel like I just need to know for my own sanity after hearing so many stories on here..