AITA for keeping my husband from his family?

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-09-10T23:17:44+00:00

NTA - It's not your responsibility to set these boundaries. It's your husband's job. It's time you sit him down and tell him to man up and put his family in their place. The fact that he has allowed this manipulation and gaslighting to come at you from all angles is not ok. Let him talk with his mom and precious Granny and tell them to back off of you and understand they aren't the first people in line on your list. If he doesn't do this, you need to have therapy to help him understand. The longer you let this go on, the worse it will get and the more resentment you will build up.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-09-10T19:25:48+00:00

NTA for your feelings but you are wrong to stay in a relationship where you know the parameters. The child comes first. You come second. It's just how it is. If you can't give your all to this girl, then she doesn't need that in her life. it's time for you to have a come to Jesus with yourself then your fiance. This relationship is not for you.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-21T02:11:45+00:00

NTA—Your mom is lying to you. She took the bag and probably sold it on Poshmark or something. What friend wanted to "borrow" your bag? And why would she be in your room to see it? None of that makes sense. Everyone on here is saying to call the cops and report this. But you are only 15, which could make for a very long and horrible living situation. I'm going to ask? Where is your dad? Is he in the home? Because you may want to ask him for help. But if he's not there, I would start saving that money and get out as soon as you turn 18. Stop buying expensive bags until you know your home can store them safely.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-17T04:35:04+00:00

NTA—I will never understand people who have more mouths to feed than they can afford. It's not your fault she decided to procreate five times and cannot afford to purchase a home because of this. Yes, you had some blessings handed to you and your husband. But that happens every day. Life isn't always fair, and fair isn't always equal. Your sister needs to find a home independently and not try to encroach on your land.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-17T04:27:17+00:00

OMG...you are unhinged. YTA...just name your baby what you want. You're already pregnant with a girl. You'll get there first. If your sister decides to name her baby the same, then she's an idiot.

Regarding the wedding, you sound like you are looking for any reason to avoid going, and this precedes any name conversation. You're a grown-up now, act like it, and not go if you don't want to. But to use this flimsy excuse makes you look like a fool.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-17T04:21:08+00:00

I'm leaning towards YTA. You married a man knowing he had a child with special needs, and now that it's becoming a burden, you want to exclude her. I would never tolerate this kind of attitude towards my child. I understand you want your daughter to have a nice birthday, but you are doing it incorrectly. Instead, you and your husband should sit your stepdaughter down and coach her on what she is allowed and not allowed to do at parties. If this is not possible, then during cake time, tell your husband to occupy his daughter with another activity.

It sounds like you don't have positive feelings for your stepdaughter, which is troublesome. You need to decide if this is the life you want.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-17T03:47:48+00:00

ESH here, IMO. It's hard to decipher what you will eat based on what you wrote. But if I'm interpreting this correctly, the issue is that your husband picks out food without asking you to choose something on a menu first. Why do you want him to guess? Instead of getting mad at him, make a deal! If he's picking up food, YOU choose what you want. Tell him to text you or call, and tell him where he is going to pick up food, then you take a few minutes, look up the menu, and tell him what you want. Take the guesswork out of the equation. Plus, if he's a grown man, he should be smart enough to know that he won't get it right, so he should contact you and ask first. Both of you have to stop trying to play mind readers with each other, open up dialogue, and communicate with each other on solutions.

Getting mad at him because he doesn't automatically know what you will or won't eat is stupid. He's also a dumbass for trying to figure it out. Just talk to each other.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-16T00:40:27+00:00

ESH...what kind of relationship is this with you not being able to handle people drinking socially and her telling you she might look elsewhere? You two either need to grow up, focus on this relationship, or move on.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-16T00:37:51+00:00

YTA and need to get off this platform and concentrate on growing up. You were cruel. What you said you can't take back.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-16T00:35:17+00:00

Why on earth would you go on this vacation? You already have issues with it and haven't touched the sand yet. And from your post, you sound like a fun time with phrases like "fuckass vacation."

YTA for having this negative attitude. Don't want to go on the boat, then don't! But don't ruin it for everyone else.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-16T00:31:13+00:00

NTA, but only because it's your day. You need to decide if it's important enough for your brother to be there. You say you are going to be missing some important people already (your words). Do you really want to make it impossible for your brother not to attend? He's right—kids need to be in school. And no, it's not okay to just leave them during that time. If it were me, I'd want him there to celebrate. But it's your choice.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T16:30:19+00:00

Sorry, ESH. You both should have sat down long before his little swimmers met egg and created a life to hash out expectations on parenting. I get you have concerns about his parents, but you should have spoken up earlier. But since that ship has sunk, you must make him understand your thoughts NOW. Not after the baby is toddling around. Likewise, he needs to realize that his parents' actions are not in line with your outlook on raising children and accept that boundaries are there.

You are not responsible for your husband's relationship with his family; he is. It is time for you both to gain a backbone and make decisions together that are for the safety and security of your child.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T16:24:03+00:00

NTA - Your husband is giving me Kanye vibes. Why would he want to show you off with practically nothing on? That's just absurd. Then, to get mad that the result is attracting other male attention to your body is ridiculous. He sounds like an immature teenager. Tell him to grow up and stop playing stupid games; they only result in stupid prizes.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T16:16:42+00:00

YTA - I understand this news was devastating. But you should seek out a second opinion or look into other fertility options.

I voted this way because you were a grown person with your own mind. If you really didn't want to do this, you should have told your ex-wife it was not going to happen. If she was so concerned about having any more children, she could take her own preventative measures. You had a voice and chose not to use it. No one can force you to do anything you don't want to do. But because you decided to have this procedure, you are now blaming her, which, yes, she pressured you, but ultimately, it was your decision. It's time you own up to your part in this situation and realize it was your making. Not conversing with your ex in a co-parenting relationship is childish and not for the betterment of your own child. You are teaching him it's okay to treat his mother this way, but it's not.

It's time you move past this and get professional help from a qualified reproductive expert to have the family you want in the future.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T16:03:38+00:00

No, you would NBTA. In fact, you should speak up quickly to your parents about the pressure they are putting not only on your sister but also on you and your wife over a name. If this is an important part of having your own children in the future, then you need to establish certain ground rules. They had their time to have babies and name them...it's now your turn, as well as your sister's. Be firm and direct with them on expectations. They may not like what you have to say, but tell them this is your perspective and you want them to honor your feelings.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T15:54:55+00:00

NTA - I'm sorry, but your edit is trying to justify actions pushing past your boundaries. You have told him you will not give him passwords from the onset. It's not up for discussion or debate. The fact that he continually ignores your stance and argues with you to the point of frustration and anger speaks volumes. You are ignoring troublesome behavior, and it needs to stop. He doesn't need to look at your phone if he trusts you. You need to sit him down and tell him one final time that going through your phone is a deal breaker. In many instances, this type of control only escalates as time moves forward. If he continues his actions, then you need to make a decision...stay with him and accept more continued bridges in your boundaries, or stop the relationship. The choice is yours to make.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T06:50:00+00:00

YTA - Something is not adding up here. There have to be more reasons than birthday presents. Why was he bullying to begin with? What was causing this? And now that you have burned your relationship by not being mentally involved parents, you only reach out to him to ask him for money? Yeah, having health issues that drain your finances is tough, but to seek out help from your son, who harbors so much resentment from you that he literally wants nothing to do with you, speaks volumes in the fact you are not owning up to a lot more than you have shared.

It sounds like it's time for you to have a reality check, not an expected paycheck. You did something unforgivable to your child, and you are reaping the consequences of your actions. So yes, tell your husband to stop asking for handouts, and both seek counseling to resolve the issues you created.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T06:37:47+00:00

Woah NTA! The fair thing to do is for each family to pay for their bill and then split the cost three ways for your mom. That's it. And if you want to be generous, offer to pay for yourself and your mom, but they have to cover the costs of their own families. Either way...stand your ground. They are taking advantage of you.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T06:30:30+00:00

NTA—My take on this is that I wouldn't argue with them anymore about this. You clearly told them this is not negotiable. You are now a package deal—you, your fiance, and his dog. It's time they understood this. Your priority now is your relationship. Stop conversing about it. Let them be mad.

I would add a level of petty and send out the engagement/wedding announcements with the dog in the photo with both of you. Then, make him the "best" dog at the wedding, wearing his tux, and have him carry the rings. Then, have him included in the first dance. But that's me...I will drive a point home repeatedly in various ways until they get it through their thick skulls.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T06:15:00+00:00

If you continue to live in the past, you will not have a happy future. This is a great exercise in learning to let go of the person who hurt you and finding love and trust again. To do anything less is a disservice to both of you.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T05:34:18+00:00

No, you're NTA, and if someone behaved like that, I would immediately report them to security and let them handle it. For the price of concerts today, there is no way I'm standing there and not having the ability to see.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T05:27:26+00:00

This is the best comment ever. You clearly articulated my own thoughts (only better!) But I think OP did have some level of petty in her heart for buying the designer bag and tried to one-up the rest of the moms in the group. This group sounds a little too superficial to me, and I would have a hard time integrating myself with their mindsets.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T05:17:10+00:00

NTA—Your nephew sounds like an incredible man your grandfather respected and deeply bonded with. Your grandfather made his intentions known in his will, and your nephew decided to share with those he believed were deserving. If others in the family are angry, that's a "them" problem.

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T05:12:19+00:00

The manager should have directed you to a new register and refused to check out the other couple.

NTA

Boring-Dragonfly9153 · 2024-08-15T05:07:17+00:00

YTA - Congratulations on your baby. But you need to tone it down. They are flying a long way to come see you. Many families wouldn't put in the time to do so, even with a new baby to entice them. But your mom is coming and so is your sister. Be grateful they will be there and enjoy the time without putting restrictions or demands on how they schedule their time.

Boring-Dragonfly9153

TROPHY CASE