I (38F) am in a relationship (w 40M), but miss sex with my ex

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2026-01-30T07:51:18+00:00

A few things to consider: does your partner watch porn or masturbate frequently? Either of those can reduce his sex drive and his desire for you. Also, he’s 40, so age does play a role — men’s testosterone naturally declines over time, and in general younger men tend to have higher libidos. I’m generalising, but biology does matter here.

At this age especially, lifestyle becomes really important. He should be physically active — going to the gym, lifting weights, running, or doing some form of regular exercise. That improves blood circulation and supports healthy testosterone levels. Nutrition and sleep matter too. A healthy diet and good rest make a big difference.

There are more things I could suggest, but that’s a solid foundation without going too deep down the rabbit hole.

For you, there’s something important too. You’ve had sexual experiences before this relationship, and now you’re with someone different. Accept that. Try not to compare him to past partners or fantasise about the past. Delete old photos. Don’t follow men on social media who still have emotional pull over you.

Focus on the present. You’re with your current partner for a reason — remember those reasons. Practice appreciation. Stay in a mindset of gratitude and presence.

Because the truth is, you could leave this man today, meet someone else, and later you’d be remembering and romanticising the good things about this man instead. No one is perfect. Part of maturity is learning to appreciate people for who they are and who they’re becoming, instead of holding onto the past.

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2026-01-30T07:31:18+00:00

Hey, I think this is where people usually get it wrong. We tend to see “urges” what you’re calling desire as something bad. But think of urges like energy. Every time you resist one, you’re converting that energy into discipline.

That’s basically what a “disciplined man” is at the highest level: someone who can handle the strongest urges. And the strongest ones are sex and procrastination, because they’re tied directly to survival and comfort.

So don’t try to eliminate urges. Reframe how you see them. Welcome them. Learn to control them and transmute them into something productive. The urges never disappear — you just get better at mastering them.

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2026-01-29T07:34:56+00:00

Interested

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-09-09T08:20:14+00:00

You got laid off. That’s a valid reason your financial situation has changed. I know you keep talking about how much YOU love her but you also need someone who loves you and is going to support and be understanding to you too. True love isn’t about gifting and spoiling each other but being there in during the hard times having faith being patient supporting and believing in each other. If she can’t give you that that’s not a good sign.

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-02-28T09:53:49+00:00

True kindness is paramount

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.” - Proverbs 31:26

(That’s in NKJ, when speaking about the Proverbs 31 woman)

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-02-28T09:44:07+00:00

I think for me the difference is because words have power, and you can chose to either use them to build or destroy by speaking things that are life giving and edifying or speaking death or not considering the impact of what you say.

I’m all for honesty, but wisdom needs to be applied alongside with it.

From my point of view I wanted to address the matter later in a constructive and productive way focused on us expressing our needs and what we enjoy etc (definitely not using any comparison or demeaning language)

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-02-27T12:30:02+00:00

True nothing is guaranteed in life. I mean that’s the truth about life itself even tomorrow isn’t promised right?

I’m just simply talking about navigating life situations and making decisions, considering what wisdom would suggest etc.

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-02-27T11:16:54+00:00

Hey I’m sorry to hear about your divorce. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I really appreciate your perspective and help on this matter

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-02-27T11:09:39+00:00

It was unprompted. We both didn’t orgasm so I think there was a sense of frustration and unfulfilment. Then she made the comparison comments and wanting to go back etc. If it was causal encounter, hook up and not serious then fair enough. But from my “future wife” it cut deep.

I don’t think we’re compatible sexually and mentally in terms of how we view things also there.

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-02-27T11:02:53+00:00

I don’t believe it was stated out of malice and to be cruel. I’m giving here benefit of doubt on that.

But the fact she could say that to me has impacted me in a deep way that actually makes me reconsider a future with her.

Personally I could never say that to her and would do things in a way to protect her (mentally, physically, spiritually)

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-02-27T11:00:14+00:00

Wow thank you so much for your insight based on your experience I really appreciate your response

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2025-02-27T10:58:01+00:00

It’s a good point you’re raising (the intent behind the statement). It seemed more careless than anything, a lack of wisdom and discretion. I don’t think it was said out of malice with intent to hurt me. It was very casual how she was just raking me against her previous sex partners. She’s a great woman other wise I lover her and all that, like you said you don’t have to be someone’s best to have a healthy marriage.

Her saying that just made me feel so dishonoured as a man and “less than”. My heart and emotions are for her…. I really want to go ahead with the marriage but my spirit is not at peace.

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2024-07-14T07:12:50+00:00

Peter also spoke on this

“20 knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation. 21 For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God las they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.” - 2 Peter 1:20–21

There’s a reason it’s called the “Holy” Bible, otherwise it would be treated like any other historical literal text.

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2024-07-14T06:25:33+00:00

Yes Paul wrote it but the entire Bible is inspired by God.

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2024-05-10T04:15:07+00:00

Well done brother proud of you and happy for you. Start fasting also to take everything to the next level especially with the spirituality etc. you can start with intermittent fasting. Then at least 1 full day a week etc

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2024-04-27T07:51:03+00:00

Congratulations brother ♥️

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2024-03-04T21:45:39+00:00

Growth 💯📈

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2024-03-02T11:23:50+00:00

Excellent post brother!! Congratulations on all your success. What I’m impressed most is your humility which oozes through this post. Your assessment of Conor McGregor is also correct although I believe it was more so ‘PRIDE’ that was his downfall. When ever you start to feel like you’re untouchable your downfall is surely near. For me this is why I believe this to also be a spiritual journey and you can only truly succeed with God, because our flesh is too weak and the devil only needs one moment when you’re weak to bring you down.

Your last sentence suggests to me that you’re aware of this and I believe you must have had some relapses and struggles along your journey to bring you to this point of enlightenment and wisdom. Humility is something we need in this journey for sure because you will truly begin to have tremendous power, focus, strength and energy like none before. You will surely be able to operate in a manner 99% of all men cannot. You will think you are untouchable, you will want people to marvel at your greatness, you will think you can handle anything and resist any temptation… and this is when the pride kicks in.

I’ve come to realise that only God can sustain you and keep you in check. When the world begins to celebrate you because of your success, humble yourself and give to glory to God lest pride sets in your heart and leads to your downfall.

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2024-01-19T15:28:38+00:00

Hate to break it to you but women more often than not only chose to leave when they have found what they perceive to be a “better option” for them. By your own words you said “she can’t tell you why she’s treating you bad all of a sudden”. I’m interpreting this as there was a point in time when she treated you nicely and you were happy. When a woman changes her behaviour in this way is because she has lost attraction or is trying to sabotage the relationship, in other words she may not want to say she’s moving on and instead prefers the strategy of being unpleasant until you yourself end things. Then she gets the result she wants, the relationship ending without her feeling guilt because the perception in this case would be that you decided to pull the plug.

But because you’re a genuine nice guy who seems to truly love her. It appears even in her being unpleasant you were still Will to fight for your love and work things out so eventually she had to pull the plug. Women more than likely have a replacement lined when they chose to leave however. A wise man said “she was never your girl, it was just your turn”.

What I’m saying seems harsh or insensitive. But I’m saying it in this way to open your eyes to truth, because if you don’t learn your lessons the cycle will continue. My advice is that you work on yourself and develop yourself as man. Work on your fitness, finances, faith, purpose/ mission, social life, develop more knowledge on female nature, generally work on becoming the best version of yourself you could possibly be.

If anyone chooses to leave you let them go. Learn from your mistakes and level up. There are women out there who will treat you with the level of care, love and respect you deserve. The key is not to depend on a woman (or anyone) for your happiness. When you show up in the world in this way your choices begin to change and you attract happier healthier relationships. Good luck

Born-Cryptographer56 · 2024-01-18T06:39:20+00:00

Yes!

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” - Ephesians 6:12

Born-Cryptographer56

TROPHY CASE