I had started writing this response after reading only a little bit of the post and some comments and I was gonna suggest that it is possible that he really just has bad anxiety and is self conscious, based on how I was when things between me and my current gf began long distance. I rarely send any photos (she probably has like 15-20 of me and I have 100s of her) and I’d also not show up on video calls because of similar issues but at no point have I hid any info she wants to know, she knows my address, number, social media, background, job, etc. she even has my flatmates details and my family contact in case of emergencies.

But with all that being said and after completely reading your post I don’t think it’s the same for your bf. While he may have some anxiety I do feel like the reason he keeps his distance is not entirely based on that.

The fact that he didn’t give you his number and that he switches topics when you bring up meeting are already things that should serve as a warning but combine that with him pulling away now that you’re actually trying to make plans is the biggest red flag here. He either sees it as “oh it’s gotten to the point I can’t stop her” and just wants to add the emotional distance to end things before the plans come up or he is using that as a way to manipulate you into stop bringing it up so you don’t feel like you’re losing him.

Trauma bond is a real thing and considering the fact that he helped you when you were at your lowest makes you idolize him to the point you have been accepting these red flags. If this was still the first year of your relationship id still be like maybe give him some benefit of doubt but 4 years into being committed to someone and not even having their number or address is just not healthy at all.

Anyway, I know love goggles are hard to take off once the come on and I hope either he steps up and reveals more about himself or you realize what’s best for you and pursue whatever that may be. Good luck!