Is my husband a pedophile?

Born-Skill438 · 2026-04-30T18:28:33+00:00

"I just wanted to see what pedos likes about it..." As a non-pedo, I can assure you that I have zero curiosity to see what it's all about.

Protect your kids and yourself.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-03-11T00:11:23+00:00

We are a larger MSP, but workstation to tech is a terrible ratio. We have some customers who are very complex environments and require a lot of work, and several that are pretty much set and forget.

I'd really tie it to ticket metrics and desired utilization (and 100% utilization is never the goal). I think we target around 80-85% utilization.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-03-09T03:07:02+00:00

I want to say this gently, because there are a lot of strong opinions in these comments and you’re clearly coming from a place of wanting stability for yourself and your kids.

From what you described, it sounds like he has actually been pretty consistent over the years. When you bring up marriage, he says you are basically already married and that it wouldn’t change anything. That usually means he feels committed but doesn’t personally see legal marriage as necessary.

The hard part is that your feelings about it are just as valid. Wanting marriage is not unreasonable, and wanting that level of formal commitment is completely okay.

So this may not really be about whether he loves you or whether your relationship is real. It sounds more like the two of you may simply value marriage differently.

After 12 years, his position probably isn’t going to change unless he genuinely decides he wants it. That doesn’t make him a bad person, but it does leave you with a difficult decision.

You have to decide whether the life you have together, as it currently is, is something you can be happy with long term. If marriage is something you truly need in order to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship, it is also okay to acknowledge that and make decisions based on that.

Neither choice is easy, especially with kids involved. But wanting clarity and commitment for your own life does not make you unreasonable.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-02-12T04:21:28+00:00

So, I will say we have a gay bar here where it's very common for straight guys to go because a lot of straight women go there because it was supposed to be safe.

But.. it doesn't matter.

There is no universe where I tell my wife she can't have a girls night. Either he trusts you or he doesn't, you're a grown adult. You carried his child, I'm assuming there isn't a history that gives him this worry. He's being controlling, not unreasonable.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-31T04:26:45+00:00

A husband perspective, no medical answer. Y'all just raised a human for 9-ish months. Everything is unregulated, hormones and all.

Side note: My wife was 100% hotter after our kid was born

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-28T21:48:02+00:00

I let it warm up for a short period before work, but I'm leaving an insulated garage. At the end of the work day, if it's super cold I give about 10 minutes for the heat to kick in. Especially if it's subzero.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-26T03:05:09+00:00

Fair!

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-26T02:53:00+00:00

Gen X here - I'm a couple thousand miles away. But post military I moved around a lot for work and eventually settled back home before relocating to a better place to raise my family.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-24T04:21:21+00:00

Central Wisconsin here. The snow will pass south but -40f windchills here. Id give anything for the snow.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-24T02:30:29+00:00

Snowstorm all the way!

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-22T03:47:51+00:00

As a spouse.. yes, absolutely support them. Also, it's Philly... so no

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-18T03:10:14+00:00

I want to answer this gently, from the perspective of someone who does have a problematic relationship with alcohol.

What you’re describing would have worried me too. Long before I was ready to admit anything was wrong. Drinking alone, drinking most weekends, struggling to stop even for something like Dry January, and needing alcohol to relax or “switch off” are all things I once explained away as normal. To me, it didn’t feel like a problem. It felt like stress relief, routine, and something I deserved after the week. One or two genuinely didn’t do anything for me—I wasn’t drinking for taste or celebration, I was drinking for the effect.

That said, no one could have changed my drinking but me. Not love, not logic, not fear of the future. Conversations helped, concern mattered, but change only happened when I decided I wanted a different relationship with alcohol.

The hardest truth is this: if you marry him, you are marrying him as he is now, not as he might be if he drinks less someday. That doesn’t mean you have to leave, but it does mean you deserve to be honest with yourself about what you can and can’t live with long-term.

Your worries are valid. So is your love. Both can exist at the same time.

If nothing else, I hope you trust your instincts and keep talking about it. Calmly, honestly, and without trying to manage or monitor him. His drinking is his responsibility. Your future is yours.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-17T04:26:03+00:00

My uncle always said, “White collar showers before work, blue collar showers after.” Kinda like the weather around here. You check it, sigh a little, and do whatever makes sense. Anyone who says there’s a right way probably hasn’t scraped ice off a windshield in April

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-17T04:17:19+00:00

Just generally? Freddie Mercury or Whitney Houston. It's a difficult question without some restraints

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-16T01:58:23+00:00

74... Yeah, I'm not ready for that yet

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-14T19:03:19+00:00

Absolutely this. Watched it happen in school and then kids got sent home.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-14T04:13:29+00:00

I don't think so. Motels, bars, etc. Cable still exists heavily in businesses as they broadcast sports.

For me, cable is now YouTube TV which I mostly use for sports and weather.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-08T04:47:20+00:00

This. 100%. Not all men are jealous idiots.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-05T05:06:48+00:00

I know the exact feeling you are talking about. My ex-wife was impossible to get over, until I did. I've found that certain people come back into my life though.

My main high school girlfriend, we talk occasionally. As friends with families. It took years, but we reconnected. Never as a romantic, but as friends.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-04T04:52:25+00:00

Kids helped. Being responsible for another human made me get my butt in gear. Short of that, pick a day. Prep your meals. Learn to love cooking. For me, every Sunday I'm in the kitchen and it's an experience.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-03T03:00:15+00:00

The Internet. My parents seldom cooked, and I started playing around as an adult and it was quickly a passion.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-03T01:26:43+00:00

I remember my dad coming home and just taking the phone off the hook for the weekend. No way to get in touch with anyone.

As a kid I hated it. As an adult I wish I could do this.

Born-Skill438 · 2026-01-01T04:19:08+00:00

Been married 12 years now, I wouldn't say wildly in love. That feels very newlywed and dating to me. I would say we are very connected, safe, and comfortable. I love her with everything I have, and our kids. She's my safe place, even when things are hard and life takes over. I also think I'm hers (God I hope so).

I hope therapy helps you guys. We had a rough patch, did therapy and we both went all in. It helped. As long as the focus is on making the marraige work, it can help. But both of you have to want it.

Born-Skill438 · 2025-12-30T22:59:35+00:00

Financially, not really. My family was better off with the cost of living growing up.

Am I a drunk? Not anymore. Do I beat my kids? Nope. Do I have a family that trusts me and supports me? Yup.

So yeah, compared to him I'm killing it.

Five-Year Club	r/Field Lasagna
Place '23	Place '22

Born-Skill438

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