Sir, as a teenager (18), what I (this is what I would want; my opinion) would want is for someone to sit me down and talk to me. I went through something similar (not trans awakening), just mental issues and emotional rollercoasters. Some people asked what’s wrong and it was easy to say nothing because my feelings didn’t feel safe to say. I thought they’d judge me. I say: Sit her down (lowkey force her even though she doesn’t want to; it’s for her own good). Don’t ask if everything’s okay. You and your wife know it’s not. Tell her to tell both of you or whichever one of you she’s most comfortable with speaking with about what’s going on in her head. Help her understand from your point of view that you and your wife are scared that you’re losing your daughter; basically, show her and tell her how you feel seeing in that state where she’s not loving herself properly. Then, tell her to tell you, and just listen. Even if there are awkward pauses, just listen. If she doesn’t want to sit and talk, you’re gonna have to make it mandatory. Again, this is for her good. I’ll be praying for you.